» Social Networking Gaffes

Who needs social networking sites to make a gaff?
Take my mate Dave (name possibly changed) for example. He has joined both facebook and bebo but hasn't figured out they're mainly used to meet people of the opposite sex. Consequently he thinks they are for losers.
Anyway in the last month alone he has made numerous gaffes.

1. He went out a couple of times with his younger sister's friend. No problems really, they're both single and the sister was supportive. There is around 5 years difference betweeen them. One thing led to another after a few drinks and he ended up having it off with her. (no idea why I used "Bottom" language there)
Anyway it's mid sex doggy style and he is enjoying it, enough to say "I've wanted to do this to you since you were 14!"
Funnily enough that didn''t float her boat and she turned around to say "WHAT?!"
Romance wasn't in the air for much longer.

2. He was telling his friend about the girl above and excitedly told him, in earshot of his friends mother that "Yeah the sex was excellent honestly, at one point she had both my balls in her mouth."
I should he is loud at the best of times but he's painfully loud when excited. (so I hear)

3. This was a few years ago but still a gigantic social gaffe in my book. Dave and his friend used to be friendly with two girls. One of whom they thought to be very attractive but had a slightly large nose. Let's call her Tracy. Tracy was speaking to Dave and he was listening thoughtfully. I can only imagine though that he was having a imaginary conversation to his mate Scott as he said "Yeah you're right Scott she definitely DOES have a big nose".
There was no way back after that, sheer stupidity.
(Mon 15th Sep 2008, 2:07, More)

» Common

Watch out, smoker about.
My Mum god rest her soul used to have a neighbour who must be considered common. Although common isn't actually a bad term in itself, this lady simply had no class.
The best way to illustrate this is her smoking habit. Before any smokers bombard me with hate mail it's how she went about it. As far as her family knew she had quit. Yet she would pop over to my Mums house for a 'fag' but was terrified of having the smell on her as my Mum didn't smoke. Her solution was to sit in her underpants while speaking to my Mum. I'm glad I missed those little visits.
(Sun 19th Oct 2008, 23:52, More)

» Customers from Hell

Me as a customer
Bloody hopeless I was. When I was a young whipper snapper (17 to be precise) I went to the chemist to get my prescription. Fair enough you might think.
Except I hadn't ordered it nor been to collect it myself from the doctors. In my head somewhere I realised my mistake but not before the nice but exasperated lady informed me of how the system worked. If she had the choice of using colour illustrations she would have jumped at it.

She must have thought that I thought you could order drugs like you could a fish supper.
(Fri 5th Sep 2008, 3:58, More)

» Tightwads

Relatives
I've a relative who we will call Richard & Judy. They live in a respectable village in the West Country and have a 3 storey house with a large garden that could pass for a small forest. They're pleasant but my word do they have some hang ups about money. It is not uncommon for them to hint at how little money they have in every conversation.

We're sometimes worried that this is due to their guilt at our side of the family not getting our fair share of past inheritance. For example we were told when a relative passed away that they could give most of the inheritance to us straight away if we needed it. Not long out of my teens I said yes and was rewarded with 200 quid. Weird considering the said relative had a reasonable house in North London.

Anyway this is getting off the subject, point is they have travelled a fair bit across most continents and are always keen to tell you that they aren't rich. Before they could even sense any non-existant jealousy.
But the clincher was when they visited us and planned to see a nearby tourist attraction on the way home. They were keen to see it and weren't up in that area of the country often, say once every 5 years at best. A lot of discussion was made in front of us to decided it was worth it.

The admission was 7 pounds per person (this was only a couple of years back)

To quote "We'll see, I mean 7 pounds is 7 pounds isn't it?"
(Fri 24th Oct 2008, 6:44, More)

» Tightwads

Fathers
My old man was convinced that the tumble dryer he got in the 80s used a lot of electricity. I am honestly convinced he thought it was an industrial model capable of drying mounds of wet clothing so was ultra expensive.
He also removed the electric heater in my room as a teenager as I "used it too much." Although I admit I wasn't paying the bills, 3-4 hours a week wasn't going to hurt surely?

My mate's father was reluctant to allow me to use my phone charger at his house as he was not "made of money."
(Fri 24th Oct 2008, 4:54, More)