» Kids

various experiments..
The first of which involved leaping off our massive garden wall with an open umberella in the hope of just gliding down Mary Poppins style..didn't. Unbrella turned inside out and I howled..lots!
Second was throwing the poor cat out of the window whilst testing the theory 'cats always land on their feet' (they do by the way), got smaked lots after an astonished mum saw said cat sailing past the kitchen window one day whilst she was doing the pots..
And finally, me and my little mate decided one day, whilst playing in the flat above her mums posh clothes shop..that it would be a really good idea to dress up her huge Doberman. This resulted in mates mum hearing a 'thud thud thud' down the stairs followed by said Doberman crashing through the door and into the shop wearing a pair of silk pyjamas, a wig and a pair of shades, to the great surprise of both her and all the customers. Little bastards!
(Tue 22nd Apr 2008, 11:27, More)

» Public Transport Trauma

Phew!
Thank kucf for that..that was my worst journey ever. Being trapped in this dull and feckless office without any sweet B3TA to sooth the soul!..*mops furrowed brow* etc..
(Thu 5th Jun 2008, 9:22, More)

» Dumb things you've done

left Facebook open on Reception for all to see...
me and my friend Loz always send each other messages on Facebook throughout the day, you know, to kill the boredom of crappy office jobs and all that. Only one day, I did a VERY dumb thing... I needed to leave the desk for five mins to go do what should have been a quick job, only the quick job wound up with me leaving the desk for a lot longer than I intended to. In fact, I got so wrapped up with the task in hand that I clean forgot all about me and Loz's funny little convo, currently laid out there bare and vulnerable for all to see. Now at this point I need to tell you that we're waiting for a very important visit from the head of the company, and he's apparently very particular about the state of the reception desk; no clutter, no games/messenger on the desktop of the computer. Ok, so the scene is set.
So there I am, merrily rounding the corner en-route back to my desk whistling all the way when who should I see manning said un-manned desk but my feisty (and possibly part demon)boss..I stop dead in my tracks and mentally scream ‘Nooooooooooooo’ but alas, the damage is already, potentially done. The question is, did she or did she not read it?? I bloody well hope not. the conversation went thus:

Loz: *post funny story* haha thanks that was pretty funny! made me chortle,
now im back to being a miserable bastard.do you think its wrong to have a wank at work?!

Me: Nah, I had one just the other day, nothing like the good old 'cheer myself up' wank, I can just picture you going at it hell for leather in the toilets with a dead miserable expression on your face ha ha!
x
I'll send you another funny story in a minuet..fucks sake, haven't managed to complete one round of solitaire yet..bloody stupid post etc..

Loz: haha you slacker you! Nah you cant have a miserable face when u wank, i just practice my sex faces! you said you are just deadpan which is pretty cool but maybe you could prctice scary faces to make it more interesting? x

Me: could be wrong..but reckon that pulling my scaryest face ever whilst trying to get myself off might actually put me off my stride some lol...
So, you try out your sexy faces then hu?? jeez, I don't even have a sexy face, and how do you know if its sexy? do you try it out in the mirror first then or wha?..

I'm intruiged..

I'm always worried about the type of stupid face I might be pulling during my 'love making' do I A.) bounce away grinning like a smug cat who got the cream, B.) gurn away in fierce concentration or C all of the above..

Shit.
(Thu 3rd Jan 2008, 13:38, More)

» Dumb things you've done

Aspirin nightmare
One time, (no not at band camp).. I was in Italy for the summer and awoke one hot morning with the mother of all hangovers, grappling wildly for a glass of water on the bedside table I magically happened upon an aspirin as well... Hmmm thinks me, that's a rather large aspirin, oh well..must be one of those Italian style ones! I'll just crack it in half and neck it in anyway. Cue two hours of really fierce fizzing noises erupting from my s stomach ..and me propped up against the pillows, belching furiously and frothing at the mouth..yes thats right folks you've guessed it, it was indeed a soluble aspirin..what a fool!!!
In my defence. I was still pissed...
(Mon 24th Dec 2007, 11:13, More)

» Accidental innuendo

And another..
A premium car wash round are way boasts 'the best hand job in Manchester!'

accidental?..I think not!
(Fri 13th Jun 2008, 10:57, More)