» Housemates

Inappropriate behaviour....
When one of my best friends from uni, Jilly, went home for a weekend with the folks she asked the girl in the room next to her to look after her room for the weekend.
Ruth, is bi-sexual which is fine. What was not fine was when Jilly returned slightly earlier than expected to find Ruth sitting on her bed sniffing Jilly's underwear while watchin tv.
Cue akward silence......
(Tue 3rd Mar 2009, 1:52, More)

» Shoplifting

Shoplifting Solution
When I was still at school I used to work part-time in a shop which sold, amongst other things, sweets. Lots of schoolkids used to come in after school to buy sweets for the way home and as it was a 1 man job it could be hard to keep track of the thieving gypsies. Anyway, my boss noticed that we were down on a little on a certain type of lollipop and even though he reviewed the cctv footage we couldn't work out who was nicking them. Then he hit on a masterstroke. Just before the "school-rush" he put a note in the tub of lollipops which read "I KNOW WHO YOU ARE!". We never found out who the kid was but I bet it put the fear of god into his/her young mind because the thieving stopped after that.
(Sat 12th Jan 2008, 20:21, More)

» Housemates

Embarassing bodily functions
My now ex-girlfriend lived with a very strange flatmate in her first year of uni. After moving in with 5 other into a mixed flat, everybody was still nervous around each other (as you'd expect) and so they decided to get pissed and get to know each other. Unfortunately, one of the flatmates, Andrew, was one of those clever types who left school at 16 and had gone straight to uni. He had very, very little experience when it came to drinking alcohol compared to his other 17/18 year old housemates and he was also incredibly shy aroun them because they were all much older. However, my ex said that he decided he would drink as much, if not more than them to prove he was "hard and grownup" or something like that.
Not heeding the other flatmates advice he started downing shot after shot after shot of vodka and mixing it with cheap beer and cider. Everybody else said they found this highly amusing until he got completely bungalowed (to borrow a Michael McIntryre expression) and lay down in the corner crying and begging for his mother.
Eventually, Andrew passed out and they continued drinking. That is until he started vomitting up that nights Chinese and all the alcohol he'd consumed. It gets worse tho... My ex said that he not only pissed himself but shat himself also!
I can only imagine his embarassment when he woke up with his first major hangover, in unfamiliar surroundings, lying in a pool of his own vomit, saturated jeans covered in piss and shit all at the tender age of 16.
My ex claims they bullied him mercilessly about this episode for the rest of the year until they all moved out.
(Thu 26th Feb 2009, 19:18, More)

» Shoplifting

Staff "benefits"
Like many of you have pointed out, staff regularly take advantage of their positions within companies. The last bar I worked in was no exception. For the first 4 months I worked there everything was hunky dory with no problems other than the fact the manager (john, we shall call him for that was his name) was a class A cock. However, after he got sacked the new manager soon informed us that we had a massive stock shortage. Namely £7000 worth of drink and the safe was £500 down. Turns out the staff had been having just one or two many free drinks! Suffice to say, all staff priviliges were cut and we were watched by the new eagle-eyed management team constantly.
Moral of the story, John might have been a cock but at least he let us party.
(Fri 11th Jan 2008, 2:39, More)

» Housemates

Annoying flatmate
While I was at uni, I shared a flat in student halls with 5 other guys. Its not like we all got on but by far the weirdest guy was Lekan.
He was originally from Nigeria but had lived in London for the last 10years or so (he was about 25)
Things that he did included, coming his afro all over the bathroom so we ended up with hairs all over our toothbrushes etc. That was until another housemate threw his comb out.
He used to miss the toilet and piss all over the floor. Cue our German flatmate oing ballistic at waking up with a stinking hangover and standing in Lekan's piss.
He hardly ever washed and didn't use any deodarant and I'll never forget the day when the uni cleaning lady went into his room and, in her broad scottish accent, bellowed loudly, "ach this room is stinking? Where's ma Airfreshener!?" He was out at the time but she wasn't happy.
However, possibly the weirdest thing about him was his cooking and the food he ate. He was the worst cook I've ever seen. I'm sure everyone knows someone who, having moved away from home, is a disaster in the kitchen but he took it to new levels. His diet mainly consisted of pots of rice (fair enough) but he started to get more adventurous as the year wore on. Adding whole eggs in with the rice to boil. Opening tins of sardines and just tipping them in raw with the rice. When an Italian friend, D, of mine (excellent excellent cook) quizzed him about his cooking, Lekan said he's never learnt to cook because his mother had to cook for him. D asked what if your mum is out? Lekan said his sister must cook for him and that if his mum and sister were out they must leave enough food for him in the fridge for him to eat while they are away. Bit of a throwback to a previous age eh ladies?

Apologies for length but I feel strangely better getting that off my chest. He was a total wanker to live with!
(Sat 28th Feb 2009, 2:31, More)