» Food sabotage

Detention
At school we had this vile fat bitch of a teacher who would regularly give me and a mate detention for no fucking reason other than her life was shit and she needed some friends.

after skipping 2 one hour detentions in a row, my friend and I were in deep shit (parent etc) and were summoned to spend a 3-fucking-hour detention with 'egg-breed'...

after a while in the detention just talking shit with egg-breed, another little scrote doing some time starts acting up... eggy, being a fat, lazy cnunt takes the scrote down to see the head.

time for sabotage.....

with me on the lookout my mate starts rifling through her desk drawers, revealing... surprise, surprise... loads of fucking food... !

he pulls out a sarnie and cuppa-soup and proceeds to open, and in a single bite, munch half this sandwich... then opens a cuppa-soup and pours some into his mouth...

a mouthful of this vile cement was then heartily back-washed into her (pointless) diet coke on the desk...

the remaining sandwich was put back into the package and the cuppa-soup, along with the rest of the box was thrown out of the window.

it was very hard to keep a straight face when she got back, and even harder when she had a sip of coke.
(Fri 19th Sep 2008, 16:18, More)

» I witnessed a crime

More Heath Tales
One of the classic crime related stories from my youth i failed to mention this...
me and my mate used to walk down the same road every day on the way home from school and for a few weeks there was a car parked on this road(normally none...ever). inside the car was a large dread-locked rasta looking chap who would exit the car when we were at the bonnet, go to the boot, remove a black leather briefcase and walk into the wood like it was a damn office block...
anyway...
another day same deal, only this day my mate has had enough. The large dude goes into the woods, stands behind a tree and kind of peeks around it at us walking off.
my mate being the vocal sort screams at the tree 'MATE WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?! WE CAN SEE YOU?!'. the guy doesn't move and carries on peeking.
we go home and my mate tells his mum who promptly calls the fuzz...
later that day the Police turn up after paying the gentleman a visit and inform us that he was not only an illegal immigrant, but he had been wanted for flashing for a while! NICE!

technically we didn't witness the crime itself (thank God) but still a worthy post?

sort of...
(Wed 20th Feb 2008, 18:02, More)

» I witnessed a crime

One of many Heath incidents
When i was about 15 i lived in a set of private flats with gates (always open mind...). The flats being home to some fairly well-off types meant that the occasional scrote would wander about the roads looking for stuff to rob.
anyway ... one summers day two friends and myself were out skating as usual when we were alerted by shouts to the back of my mates flat...
it turns out that my mates neighbors toddler had left his bike by the back door and it had been robbed (not the first one either)... so my mates and I enter into the spirit of things and skate off in the general direction we were told the thief went...
we get outside the gates and down the road heading towards the woods when we see a huge balding, fat biker-type riding this toddlers bike down the road... how the fick he managed to give us the slip was anyones guess...

there are thousands of stories of crime and criminal behavior from this area too including:
- seeing the final life drain from a tramp but being too scared to do anything as we were technically not supposed to be out...
- calling the police after we went scoobie-doo on some dude who was always in this van at the end of the road (called the police becuase a. he looked like a sex offender and b. he had swastikas and pictures of Hitler in his van)
- trying to apprehend a crazy dude with a knife who had just tried to rob the local pub
- my mates and i stoned (biblical sense) a guy after he racially abused a couple of my mates
- made and used a molotov in the woods
- broke into a mates house (who was present) as they had no keys (crime?)

cant think of any more ... long enough... sorry ...
(Tue 19th Feb 2008, 15:10, More)