» The most childish thing you've done as an adult

at the age of 25 I took the conscious decision to poop my pants
not immediately upon my 25th birthday, but I happened to be 25.

I had needed the toilet for about an hour but was stuck on the window sill with my fingers trapped in a sash window, the result of a failed break-in to my house after forgetting my keys.

my cries for help went unheeded and I shit myself.
(Sun 20th Sep 2009, 1:47, More)

» Housemates

One of the more valuable lessons I Iearned via the medium of flat-sharing
is that if you happen to finish your early shift and get home at 2pm, exhausted and ready for bed, you run the considerable risk of walking in on a rather large nekkid lady in the kitchen, who mistakenly believed she had the house to herself for the day.

Said lady will emit a noise not dissimilar to a startled Zoidberg as she scuttles back to her room tout de suite.
(Sun 1st Mar 2009, 1:31, More)

» Unexpected Nudity

my brother's cock dangling over a cute pussy
way back, before Dick and Dom were a mere twinkle in a producer's eye, me, my brother and sister used to be avid viewers of the Saturday morning extravaganza that was Going Live.

I forget the exact nature of the competition we entered, but it involved sending in a rather cute picture of our cat Smudge curled up in a ball of furry goodness and looking rather smug in me and my brother's bedroom.

We duly sent it in with our names and address written on the back, so we could get name-checked on TV.

They duly sent it back with a message of something along the lines of "we can't use photos that are required to be sent back".

On closer inspection, however, I rather think their reluctance to stick it on the airwaves was the sight of my brother hovering the in the background of said photo, in his pyjamas, with his six-year-old pecker clearly visible, poking out to say hello to the world betwixt the pee flaps on his PJ bottoms - something which, owing to the cuteness of the cat, our attention had not been previously brought to.
(Tue 2nd Jun 2009, 18:05, More)

» Hypocrisy

jeez, I haven't been clubbing for an age
but I love that feeling when I'm standing in a corner, towards the end of the night, nicely fucked - I've reached up and touched the sky, and I'm almost on my way down to touch my toes - bopping my head slowly, still slightly appreciative of the music, cigarette in my hand, looking at the fuckwits on the dance floor flailing their limbs wildly. Goddamn, I am COOL.

Reality - I'm the fucked fuckwit everyone's giving a wi-i-i-de berth who's lost control of his neck muscles and is Mr Squinty McSquinteson, lighting the middle of his cigarette cos he can't see the end.
(Tue 24th Feb 2009, 21:59, More)

» Buses

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my father.
Not screaming and terrified like his passengers.
(Sat 27th Jun 2009, 3:55, More)