Profile for Nimrod's Son:
Beagling, syphillis and self-doubt.
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Beagling, syphillis and self-doubt.
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
» School Projects
One fine day...
....during a German lesson, aged about 13; we were challenged to write a song (in German) that represented everything that Germany was about. Challenging task as this may have been for such burgeoning minds as ours, we came up trumps with the poorly translated 'Meine Schone Lederhosen' with an accompanying pair of black cardboard 'leather' trousers. Being on the receiving end of detentions for 'intentional racism', I have no qualms in telling everyone that my German teacher had by all accounts appeared in a porn mag, lying in a bath covered in baked beans, and if I can ever find it, I will use it as my profile picture on every social networking site I can find. Stick that up your tomato sauce covered backside, Fraulein, you fat bint.
(Sat 15th Aug 2009, 19:26, More)
One fine day...
....during a German lesson, aged about 13; we were challenged to write a song (in German) that represented everything that Germany was about. Challenging task as this may have been for such burgeoning minds as ours, we came up trumps with the poorly translated 'Meine Schone Lederhosen' with an accompanying pair of black cardboard 'leather' trousers. Being on the receiving end of detentions for 'intentional racism', I have no qualms in telling everyone that my German teacher had by all accounts appeared in a porn mag, lying in a bath covered in baked beans, and if I can ever find it, I will use it as my profile picture on every social networking site I can find. Stick that up your tomato sauce covered backside, Fraulein, you fat bint.
(Sat 15th Aug 2009, 19:26, More)
» Customers from Hell
Oh, where to begin...
Five years in Ottakar's/ Waterstones gives you a fair insight into the overwhelming fuckwittery of the general public. Especially around Christmas time, when cretinous, monosyllabic in-bred mutants who would never EVER venture into a book shop were it not for the fact that one of their family members has managed to learn to read and has requested whatever the in-vogue True Crime book is that obviously makes you hard by association from reading it. Nuggets of literary ignorance have included:
1. It's my girlfriend's birthday coming up. I'd like to order a first edition of 'To Kill A Mockingbird', please.
2. When is the new Harry Potter out, despite it being national news, us having dedicated an entire corner of the shop to it, and having a sign the size of my flat behind the till.
3."I'd like to return this book, please. It was an unwanted Christmas present." More convincing when it doesn't have 'Merry Christmas, 1995' written in the front of it. In 2006.
4. "I'd like to order a £200 textbook, but I refuse to pay for it upfront. You might stitch me up."
5. "I'd like to buy a dictionary for my daughter. She's not a retard." Congratulations.
(Tue 9th Sep 2008, 12:51, More)
Oh, where to begin...
Five years in Ottakar's/ Waterstones gives you a fair insight into the overwhelming fuckwittery of the general public. Especially around Christmas time, when cretinous, monosyllabic in-bred mutants who would never EVER venture into a book shop were it not for the fact that one of their family members has managed to learn to read and has requested whatever the in-vogue True Crime book is that obviously makes you hard by association from reading it. Nuggets of literary ignorance have included:
1. It's my girlfriend's birthday coming up. I'd like to order a first edition of 'To Kill A Mockingbird', please.
2. When is the new Harry Potter out, despite it being national news, us having dedicated an entire corner of the shop to it, and having a sign the size of my flat behind the till.
3."I'd like to return this book, please. It was an unwanted Christmas present." More convincing when it doesn't have 'Merry Christmas, 1995' written in the front of it. In 2006.
4. "I'd like to order a £200 textbook, but I refuse to pay for it upfront. You might stitch me up."
5. "I'd like to buy a dictionary for my daughter. She's not a retard." Congratulations.
(Tue 9th Sep 2008, 12:51, More)
» Teenage Crushes - Part Two
This may make me a strange bloke...
...but I've had a thing for Kim Deal since I was wee. Buggered if I know why, as she was never particularly attractive in the first place; and now she's got middle-aged spread, even less so. I still would though. And Tanya Donnelly.
(Fri 6th Nov 2009, 16:39, More)
This may make me a strange bloke...
...but I've had a thing for Kim Deal since I was wee. Buggered if I know why, as she was never particularly attractive in the first place; and now she's got middle-aged spread, even less so. I still would though. And Tanya Donnelly.
(Fri 6th Nov 2009, 16:39, More)
» Will you go out with me?
In terms of dying on your arse...
Slightly off-topic, but who gives a shit.A good friend of mine was between long-term relationships, and decided that some concerted scuttling of the barmaid in the local was in order. Subsequently, lubricated by alcohol to the point of being mega-refreshed, said pal saunters up to the bar, wry smile plastered on his face. Cue some general light-hearted banter, and seems to be doing quite well, in all fairness. Decides to go for the master stroke:
"Do you fancy going for a drink sometime?" he casually drops into the conversation. Barmaid looks slightly bemused before offering an unfortunate
"I'm sorry, I've got a boyfriend". Not one to be deterred lightly, his reply was
"Bet he's a prick". Putty in his hands, obviously.
(Fri 29th Aug 2008, 16:39, More)
In terms of dying on your arse...
Slightly off-topic, but who gives a shit.A good friend of mine was between long-term relationships, and decided that some concerted scuttling of the barmaid in the local was in order. Subsequently, lubricated by alcohol to the point of being mega-refreshed, said pal saunters up to the bar, wry smile plastered on his face. Cue some general light-hearted banter, and seems to be doing quite well, in all fairness. Decides to go for the master stroke:
"Do you fancy going for a drink sometime?" he casually drops into the conversation. Barmaid looks slightly bemused before offering an unfortunate
"I'm sorry, I've got a boyfriend". Not one to be deterred lightly, his reply was
"Bet he's a prick". Putty in his hands, obviously.
(Fri 29th Aug 2008, 16:39, More)
» Best Films Ever
Good shout.
Whilst I do like some films on artistic merit, there is more than definitely a place for brainless tat as well. And Starship Troopers, whilst not as clever as it thinks it is, is fucking champ. And never let anyone tell you otherwise. Or make you watch the second one...
(Wed 23rd Jul 2008, 12:20, More)
Good shout.
Whilst I do like some films on artistic merit, there is more than definitely a place for brainless tat as well. And Starship Troopers, whilst not as clever as it thinks it is, is fucking champ. And never let anyone tell you otherwise. Or make you watch the second one...
(Wed 23rd Jul 2008, 12:20, More)