» The most childish thing you've done as an adult

Not me, but my dad ....
.. my mum had joined a company and very quickly got a couple of (deserved) promotions.

Her boss and his wife were coming to dinner .... they arrived early, and my dad was still in the bath ... our house had a through lounge/dining room with the stairs off one side with an upper landing with rooms off the other 3 walls. Upshot being the bathroom was near enough directly above a part of the lounge.

Mum's handing out the g&ts, doing the full Hyacinth Bucket bit.

Then there was a (very) loud noise of an underwater bath-fart, followed by my dad shouting 'TORPEDO LOS!'

That was probably 30 years ago, and it still reduces my brother and me to tears every time we remember it ...
(Wed 23rd Sep 2009, 14:41, More)

» Mobile phone disasters

A while ago
I worked with 2 brothers, neither of whom was the sharpest tool in the box (the younger one came into the office one morning back in 1997 asking everybody how come Lionel Blair had been made PM.

Anyhoo. Older brother comes back from holiday in Dominican republic. He's showing us all his phone pics, and we're having a proper perv at his (fit) girlfriend. On this phone, you just scrolled to the next pic, and when he got to the last one, he tapped next, only to show us a picture of a suburban London back garden (clearly in the winter) with older and fitbint holding her rabbit.

Younger brother grabbed phone and looked at the next picture, which was a similar shot.

How the facking hell did you take Mr Tibbles* (or whatever the fucking thing was called) on holiday with you?
(Fri 31st Jul 2009, 15:53, More)

» Impulse buys

'Er indoors is well known for it ...
Example.

We had an old shed of an Audi estate that we used for the garden centre, taking the dogs to the vet etc ...

It finally gave up, and she said she'd pop into the local second hand garage 'to see if they've got owt' when she was next out. She came back having organised delivery of a brand new A6 estate for that weekend.

6 months later she decided that her 8 year old 20k miles Z3 wasn't the right colour. Did the same thing again, except she'd specc'd and ordered an S4 cabrio from the same dealer.

A year after that she came to pick me up after I'd dropped the A6 in for a service. She saw a mega-spec Q7 in the showroom ... three guesses ...

And don't get me started on her jewllery ....

Mind you, last year, I happened to mention that a local dealer had the particular model of motorbike I'd been after for a while (I already have 2) .. she said 'Well why don't you go and buy it then?'

I didn't need telling twice ...
(Tue 26th May 2009, 9:52, More)

» Accidental innuendo

I have 2
i) Mother-in-law at a swish bank reception (and not your local NatWest - rhymes with hoots). Proclaimed someone to be a complete Wanker. She honestly thought it was a term used to say somthing was pants, based on the fact that a rotary (wankel) engine is rubbish.

ii) Mum and Dads party when I was mid-teens. Next door neighbours are there (him, building society manager called Robert (not Bob, Robert), Buddy holly glasses, very stiff. Her proto-MILF primaryteacher. Their young son was playing up, so the telly was put on to occupy him. Programme was some sort of David Attenborough bollocks showing a great big whale. 'Robert' says: 'Look, Michael, that great big whale just feeds on orgasms off the sea floor'
(Tue 17th Jun 2008, 12:12, More)