» Turning into your parents

another one
another similarity is that we've both been inside my mum. I lasted longer, mind.
(Fri 1st May 2009, 6:37, More)

» Pubs

not my local but I'm in there fairly often
In the village where I sometimes drink when I'm home from uni there are 2 people with certified downs, one of them collects glasses in a pub I drink in, the other I see around and about and have spoken to a few times. The two downies hate each other with a passion, though. One night I'm sat in the pub with a few mates when Paul* (the none glass collecting downy.) Walks into the pub. He sits down with a pint of bitter and a bag of quavers enjoying himself. James* (the glass collector) has seen this as an insult as he's walking into his place of work. Moving in on his turf. James goes over and tells him to get out. Paul having done nothing wrong says no, so James grabs Pauls pint and throws it over him. Paul reacts and punches him in the face, the two start to wrestle until they're split up by the land lord who's stood behind the bar poking them with a snooker cue. James is sent home while Paul is cleaned up and apologised to.

I've not seen anything to top that but I have other stories which I'll post later on.

*names changed to protect the innocent.
(Fri 6th Feb 2009, 4:37, More)

» Rubbish Towns

Hull
Any place where the students are the richest people in the city has got it wrong.
(Tue 3rd Nov 2009, 3:59, More)

» Rubbish Towns

St Helens.
God, if you're ever unlucky enough to live here. Kill yourself. There's a video doing it's rounds on the internet that sums it up perfectly.

There's the notorious paedo purple aki, known across Merseyside. You've never lived till you've been chased by a 6ft5 20 stone body builder.

The people are thicker than pigshit and twice as ugly.

The highest incest rate in the UK.

It's full of dole scum who sit on their arses in their deck chairs wearing adidas trackies, wife beater vests, bling from the local argos and fake caps pointed at a stupidly high angle. If you dare walk past them you get abuse for "walken past mah ouse" as they sup their 6th special brew of the day at 1pm.

We're close to Liverpool so everyone wants to be scouse meaning there's a horde of retarded accents. Complete with girls who try to be scouse and end up with that high pitched voice that could strip paint. (Anyone who's ever been to liverpool will know what I mean.)

It's full of retarded, smack head, pitiful, small minded, aggresive dick turtles. Build a wall round the place, let me out and fucking nuke the place.
(Thu 29th Oct 2009, 19:51, More)

» Buses

school busses
they were brilliant, weren't they?
Things that happened in our school included:

*Back seat ripped up, set on fire then thrown out the emergency window on the upstairs, whilst going 70 miles per hour down the bypass.

*Year 7 picked up by ankles and dropped down the stair well - Kid in coma, bully in jail. The kid was fine after like 2 days.

*Last day of the year. Every tie was taken and tied into a mega tie which would be dangled outside the upstairs emergency window. One year a kid tried to grab the tie, being a smart arse, ended up being dragged down the road with his bag torn to pieces (better that than his cock, I say.)

*Dolly Beads they came on stretchy string and could be fired quite quickly at each other. Vision lost in 1 eye.

*Tunnel of death** which resulted in one poor chap having the tip of his bellend clipped, upon later inspection his foreskin had been split off at the end.

*Stanley Stiletto - a 6ft 5 crossdressing scouse bus driver who used to sit at the back of the bus with the six formers asking about how our days were whilst flashing his fishnet stockings and short skirt. I've no problems with that, but at 4pm on a friday afternoon I want to go to the pub, not talk.

** Walk down the aisle of the bus while people kick the shit out of you. Phwoar. Boys were hard and girls were moist at the sight of it.
(Tue 30th Jun 2009, 0:34, More)