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» Unemployed
dole office.
A friend of mine had just left medical school, and had 2 months before he started his choosen profession proper. Amazingly(appallingly some might wonder), he could claim dole money whilst sitting on his arse congratulating himself.
soon the sunny days of sun, beer, and trying to impress the ladies with yes, I am a Doctor, ended and he had to " sign off" the dole.
The conversation went thus-
Him- " i`ve come to sign off"
Excited dole office girl- "Thats very good love, youv`e got a job now have you love?"
Him- " yes"
Her( whilst typing)" lovely, lovely, where you going to be working love??"
Him- " at XXXX hospital "
Her- " ohh lovely, what you going to be doing??"
Him- " umm, I1m going to be working as a houseofficer in the neurosurgical unit"
Her- " REALLYY?- I don`t remeber putting the card up for that one, how on earth did you manage to get that job love??"
Him- " Six years at medical school , working my tits off."
Her- " lovely, good luck then love."
Bless her.
(Fri 3rd Apr 2009, 9:53, More)
dole office.
A friend of mine had just left medical school, and had 2 months before he started his choosen profession proper. Amazingly(appallingly some might wonder), he could claim dole money whilst sitting on his arse congratulating himself.
soon the sunny days of sun, beer, and trying to impress the ladies with yes, I am a Doctor, ended and he had to " sign off" the dole.
The conversation went thus-
Him- " i`ve come to sign off"
Excited dole office girl- "Thats very good love, youv`e got a job now have you love?"
Him- " yes"
Her( whilst typing)" lovely, lovely, where you going to be working love??"
Him- " at XXXX hospital "
Her- " ohh lovely, what you going to be doing??"
Him- " umm, I1m going to be working as a houseofficer in the neurosurgical unit"
Her- " REALLYY?- I don`t remeber putting the card up for that one, how on earth did you manage to get that job love??"
Him- " Six years at medical school , working my tits off."
Her- " lovely, good luck then love."
Bless her.
(Fri 3rd Apr 2009, 9:53, More)
» The Credit Crunch
money saving idea.
I`ve been saving money for years now, simple energy equation really
4 bramley apples at teso £1.98 at 50 kilocalories each
1 donar kebab at mike`s kebabes £3 -1000 kilocalories each
thats 20 times more calories each kebab at a massive saving per kcal!!!
it makes economic and enviromental energy sense!!
mind you I weigh 25 stone and have pain down my arm as i write this.*
*I don`t, I made that bit up.
(Tue 27th Jan 2009, 13:20, More)
money saving idea.
I`ve been saving money for years now, simple energy equation really
4 bramley apples at teso £1.98 at 50 kilocalories each
1 donar kebab at mike`s kebabes £3 -1000 kilocalories each
thats 20 times more calories each kebab at a massive saving per kcal!!!
it makes economic and enviromental energy sense!!
mind you I weigh 25 stone and have pain down my arm as i write this.*
*I don`t, I made that bit up.
(Tue 27th Jan 2009, 13:20, More)
» I don't understand the attraction
The Classics
Pride and Predjudice, Jane austen, and particularly bloody shakespeare- all mindnumbingly boring to my mind.The pretentious fools that are thesps and gush over macbeth and the like, yet couldn`t tell you why grass is green. Now before you say that I is bitter and twisted(ie. UNEDUCATED AND POOR)- I can`t admit to that- Ive lots of letters after my name and a couple in front (thanks).
But I will never understand shakespeare- ashe wrote it for cash, he wrote in his contemporary times,it`s bloody hard to read/understand, and yet is interpreted in many ways usually off tangent.
Jane austen- she had to pretend to be a man to get published.
Poor old Terry Pratchett- he on the other hand is a bloody genius and yet is never mentioned.( apart from one book he wrote nation which is shite but he does have alzheimers.) His books sell in the millions, but admit to liking them in polite company and they think you are a retard, and yet they will quite pounce about with a "out damn spot" making no bloody sense at all.
Oh and don`t even get me started on Gilbert and Sullivan- jesus wept, something you can only like if you had a fag in your (posh) schooldays of the non nicotine kind.
(Fri 16th Oct 2009, 13:17, More)
The Classics
Pride and Predjudice, Jane austen, and particularly bloody shakespeare- all mindnumbingly boring to my mind.The pretentious fools that are thesps and gush over macbeth and the like, yet couldn`t tell you why grass is green. Now before you say that I is bitter and twisted(ie. UNEDUCATED AND POOR)- I can`t admit to that- Ive lots of letters after my name and a couple in front (thanks).
But I will never understand shakespeare- ashe wrote it for cash, he wrote in his contemporary times,it`s bloody hard to read/understand, and yet is interpreted in many ways usually off tangent.
Jane austen- she had to pretend to be a man to get published.
Poor old Terry Pratchett- he on the other hand is a bloody genius and yet is never mentioned.( apart from one book he wrote nation which is shite but he does have alzheimers.) His books sell in the millions, but admit to liking them in polite company and they think you are a retard, and yet they will quite pounce about with a "out damn spot" making no bloody sense at all.
Oh and don`t even get me started on Gilbert and Sullivan- jesus wept, something you can only like if you had a fag in your (posh) schooldays of the non nicotine kind.
(Fri 16th Oct 2009, 13:17, More)
» Stuff I've found
A Hand
Not me technically, but a chap at college, spaceman Ed- who could have featured in last weeks qotw.
Picture the seen, 5 fresh faced young lasd eating dinner, making conversation about girls and stuff, when Spaceman ed pipes up
" Oh I forgot to tell you , We found a hand in our back garden ."
Conversation stops
"what???" says four quite alarmed confusci
"YES THERE`S A MURDER HUNT"
"WHERE????"
"at home" says spaceman
"what? our home?" says four even more alarmed housemates confusci.
"no my parents house" says spaceman- now his parents weren`t short of a bob or two, they had a house with a tennis court, but his dad washed his hair in washing up liquid. half the house was full of junk, the other faded grandeur.I digress
next question from mr confuscious
"when was this then??"
and the delightful reply, from our apted named fellow was
"weeks ago"
confucious he say" whatyoufoundahandinyourparentsbackgardenandyouforgottofuckingtellyourfuckingmates!!!!!"very quickly.
"yes..sorry...i must have forgotten..." says spaceman.
HOW THE CUN*YFU*K YOU CAN FORGET TO TELL YOUR MATES THERES A MURDER HUNT IN YOUR BACK GARDEN???
Anyhoo- turns out after the police investifgation- said hand was a mummified ancient hand and not the butler/cleaner/bastard son of spaceman.
But the spaced outtwat had forgot to tell us.
(Thu 13th Nov 2008, 15:28, More)
A Hand
Not me technically, but a chap at college, spaceman Ed- who could have featured in last weeks qotw.
Picture the seen, 5 fresh faced young lasd eating dinner, making conversation about girls and stuff, when Spaceman ed pipes up
" Oh I forgot to tell you , We found a hand in our back garden ."
Conversation stops
"what???" says four quite alarmed confusci
"YES THERE`S A MURDER HUNT"
"WHERE????"
"at home" says spaceman
"what? our home?" says four even more alarmed housemates confusci.
"no my parents house" says spaceman- now his parents weren`t short of a bob or two, they had a house with a tennis court, but his dad washed his hair in washing up liquid. half the house was full of junk, the other faded grandeur.I digress
next question from mr confuscious
"when was this then??"
and the delightful reply, from our apted named fellow was
"weeks ago"
confucious he say" whatyoufoundahandinyourparentsbackgardenandyouforgottofuckingtellyourfuckingmates!!!!!"very quickly.
"yes..sorry...i must have forgotten..." says spaceman.
HOW THE CUN*YFU*K YOU CAN FORGET TO TELL YOUR MATES THERES A MURDER HUNT IN YOUR BACK GARDEN???
Anyhoo- turns out after the police investifgation- said hand was a mummified ancient hand and not the butler/cleaner/bastard son of spaceman.
But the spaced outtwat had forgot to tell us.
(Thu 13th Nov 2008, 15:28, More)