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I have no more gmail invites so don't email me at fiachra dot davison at gmail dot com unless you have big bosoms

Rules Of Etiquette - On Encountering a Lady In A Compromising Position
Even gentlemen occasionally stumble upon a lady when she is not fully clothed, or even sometimes a couple in flagrante delicto. It is not done, on the first occasion, to immediately absent yourself, because it leaves the discovered unsure whether someone did actually just see their derriére; this may cause them to fret and worry, as women are prone to do.

It is also not done, however, to whip out one's camera and start taking pictures. It is acceptable to pass a flattering comment should you and the lady in question be on first name terms, but one should not be too raunchy, as the lady might take umbrage and label you a peeping tom.

Should one feel the urges all too well-known to warm-blooded males, you may take it as an invitation should the lady not scream on your entrance to her boudoir.

An entirely different situation with a new set of rules comes into play should you come upon a fellow gentleman rogering his wife, or, worse, your own wife. In the first instance, you should apologise immediately and leave post-haste to allow them to get on with it.

However, should the lady being bonked senseless be your own wife, make your indignation clear by crossing your arms and shouting-

"Tabitha, get down off that louse at once."

Should you receive the all-too-common response "but we're in love," immediately riposte-

"Ah yes, just like you "loved" that £50,000 watch I bought you for our anniversary. Now get down off that half-negro before I shoot you both"

Should the gentleman feel that this is out of order; and tell you so, take out your beige chamois leather glove and dust his cheeks lightly, in the age-old signal that you are challenging the runt to a duel.

My Funny, Funny Blog

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Best answers to questions:

» My Worst Date

I had been going out with this girl for a few weeks
but i decided it was time to end it. I texted her and asked if she would meet me on a bridge in an isolated part of the countryside. When I broke the news, she started crying, so I beat her brains out with a rock and fucked her corpse.

apologies for length
(Wed 27th Oct 2004, 1:27, More)

» My Worst Vomit

Once I vomited over 14 feet
apologies for length
(Sat 21st Aug 2004, 18:20, More)

» My Worst Vomit

One morning I woke up at half seven
(as you do when you're six years old) and managed to climb over taps and dishwashers to where the goodies were stored. I nearly fell over with glee when i saw not one, but two tubes of pringles (Sour Cream and Onion, if you must know.) I scoffed the lot in world-record time (possibly because no-one else has ever eaten two tubes of pringles in a row) and waited until my father came down in his dressing gown to send the half-digested crisps back up my oesophagus and out my mouth. Now imagine my father's surprise on seeing his son apparently vomiting litres of pus. So I was brought to hospital, and in the absence of anything really being wrong with me, was sent home with a very stressed father in tow. I never did tell my parents about those pringles.
(Fri 20th Aug 2004, 17:42, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

A family walk into a talent agent's office
and ask to talk to the agent. His secretary tells them that he is very busy, so he can't see them. The family are distraught, and decide to start their act and hope that the secretary is so impressed that she'll send them through.

The father gets the ball rolling by kicking his heavily pregnant wife in the cunt. The eight year old son sits under his mother's skirt, and when the newly aborted foetus drops out, he snaps off one of its legs and sticks it up his anus until it starts bleeding. the five year old daughter strips naked and eats the limb out of her brother's rectal passage, but it's so deep that she has to punch him in the stomach to make him shit it out a bit. Meanwhile, the father is beating his wife with the foetus. when one of her teeth falls out, he shoves it up his jap's eye, takes a pistol out of his trouser pocket on the coathanger and shoots his wife in the head, whereupon he begins to fuck the hole. The smallest child, a baby of only two years, has just started fisting his older sister's vagina, but his he has sharpened his nails so he rips off her labia and starts to masturbate furiously with them over his dick. The father, who has finished fucking the dead mother's head, starts to fuck his own daughter, despite her lack of lips. he finally reaches the peak of sexual arousal, and the tooth inside his knob shoots out, ripping through the little girl's internal organs and killing her. He then pokes out both his baby's eyes with his bloodstained and swollen penis. He smashes the window using the toddler's head, and he impales it through the temples on a piece of protruding glass.

The father, who is now reaching the climax of his performance, takes a hammer and smashes his older son's spinal column before emptying the semen out of his sister's vagina into the kid's mouth and stamping on his face, smashing his teeth which drop into his throat.

The surviving man turns to the blood-spattered secretary and pulls at the end of his penis in such a way that it tapers as it gets closer to the body. "Voila! The Eiffel Tower!"

"That's some show!" says the secretary. "What do you call it?"

"The Aristocrat," he says.
(Mon 13th Sep 2004, 19:42, More)

» People with Stupid Names

oy chthonic
it's weird not wierd
(Thu 26th Aug 2004, 22:46, More)
[read all their answers]