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» Tramps
Gav
2003 was the end of my first year at Coventry University, in halls, happy memories of good times and top people. Especially our hulking, rugby playing, beer monster of a halls friend, Gav. Gav posessed many qualities of a good tramp and many good qualities of being generally massive.
Now it was not uncommon for Gav, being of the large rugby playing variety, to get himself into many situations that would require a degree of explanation to the lay person. One of the girls in our end of the halls decides to take a hard earned bath, the door appears to be locked so she waits patiently. On one of my many daily stumbles we strike up conversation in the corridor which leads to her saying, "Who the fuck is in the bath, they are taking fucking ages" With all the usual girls out at lectures and baths being a lot of hassle for such unmotivated men we come to the conclusion that Gav had again turned tramp and fallen asleep in the bath after locking himself out of his room.
Battering on the door begins to wake the slumbering beast of Gav, swearing and petty name calling (Gav you trampy nobber was my favourite) being our chief tools at hand. Another halls friend pokes his head out the door to politely enquire "fucking stop that bastard racket will you!?" He agrees to help us try and wake Gav, as there is a chance he could have left the tap running, after all, it was Gav. More shouting, swearing and name calling but with no avail.
A small crowd is now gathering to help us in our herculean feat of waking Gav, more heads poking out of doors.
-"what in the fuck are you all doing!!?"
-"For fuck's sake, we are trying to get Gav out of the bathro... GAV!!?? What the fuck are you doing out here"
-"Trying to bastard well sleep".
-"Well give us a hand getting you out of the bathroom"
-"that makes no sense you idiot, but alright if it will shut everybody up"
Gav at first tries diplomacy, which involves him launching his 18 stone frame at the door in a feast of splintering, door obliterating pwnage.
The actual tramp who had been sleeping in our bathroom for the past 4 days (showers were in separate individual cubicles, were not that mingin') looked like a rabbit in headlights as what seemed like a lynch mob was gathered outside and an 18 stone rugby player careened through the door and into some bathroom shelves. "Lerruz jus' get me stuff from the fridge would yerz and ah'll fuck off". His fridge contents had consisted of 3 cans of Carly Spesh, which again we had attributed ownership to Gav.
Retiring to the kitchen for breakfast and discussing the brilliance of the tramp's idea Gav pipes up.
-"you know guys you really ought to think more of me, I mean this trampy shit goes to far sometimes"
-"errr Gav"
-"what"
-"you are drinking a bottle of Frosty Jack at 10:45 on a tuesday morning"
-"cunts"
(Tue 7th Jul 2009, 8:19, More)
Gav
2003 was the end of my first year at Coventry University, in halls, happy memories of good times and top people. Especially our hulking, rugby playing, beer monster of a halls friend, Gav. Gav posessed many qualities of a good tramp and many good qualities of being generally massive.
Now it was not uncommon for Gav, being of the large rugby playing variety, to get himself into many situations that would require a degree of explanation to the lay person. One of the girls in our end of the halls decides to take a hard earned bath, the door appears to be locked so she waits patiently. On one of my many daily stumbles we strike up conversation in the corridor which leads to her saying, "Who the fuck is in the bath, they are taking fucking ages" With all the usual girls out at lectures and baths being a lot of hassle for such unmotivated men we come to the conclusion that Gav had again turned tramp and fallen asleep in the bath after locking himself out of his room.
Battering on the door begins to wake the slumbering beast of Gav, swearing and petty name calling (Gav you trampy nobber was my favourite) being our chief tools at hand. Another halls friend pokes his head out the door to politely enquire "fucking stop that bastard racket will you!?" He agrees to help us try and wake Gav, as there is a chance he could have left the tap running, after all, it was Gav. More shouting, swearing and name calling but with no avail.
A small crowd is now gathering to help us in our herculean feat of waking Gav, more heads poking out of doors.
-"what in the fuck are you all doing!!?"
-"For fuck's sake, we are trying to get Gav out of the bathro... GAV!!?? What the fuck are you doing out here"
-"Trying to bastard well sleep".
-"Well give us a hand getting you out of the bathroom"
-"that makes no sense you idiot, but alright if it will shut everybody up"
Gav at first tries diplomacy, which involves him launching his 18 stone frame at the door in a feast of splintering, door obliterating pwnage.
The actual tramp who had been sleeping in our bathroom for the past 4 days (showers were in separate individual cubicles, were not that mingin') looked like a rabbit in headlights as what seemed like a lynch mob was gathered outside and an 18 stone rugby player careened through the door and into some bathroom shelves. "Lerruz jus' get me stuff from the fridge would yerz and ah'll fuck off". His fridge contents had consisted of 3 cans of Carly Spesh, which again we had attributed ownership to Gav.
Retiring to the kitchen for breakfast and discussing the brilliance of the tramp's idea Gav pipes up.
-"you know guys you really ought to think more of me, I mean this trampy shit goes to far sometimes"
-"errr Gav"
-"what"
-"you are drinking a bottle of Frosty Jack at 10:45 on a tuesday morning"
-"cunts"
(Tue 7th Jul 2009, 8:19, More)
» Annoying words and phrases
People who use foreign words...
...for no good reason (just incase you had me pegged as a Daily Mail I'm not a racist but... type of person.)
You know what I mean, writers who use words like azure or rouge when fucking blue or red will do. I bet Dante or Camus never felt like subbing English words into their poetry (I'm sure someone will correct me on that one but the point remains), so why do English writers feel the need to show us that they know the Italian for blue.
Also place names.
I am aware that Moscow is Moskva in Russian, I am aware that Warsaw should be pronounced Varshavaa, but in English we have English words for these places.
To use the example of Moscow.
If I am speaking Russian the country would be Rossiya and the capital Moskva. (cant be chewed with the cyrillic keyboard for any pedants out there.)
If I am speaking Hungarian it would be Oroszorszag and Moszkva.
German: Russland and Moskau.
In English though it is and should always be Russia and Moscow.
Makes me start having headaches when I am corrected by some jumped up twat who has done interrail or the likes, visited a city for 2 days, flicked through a rough guide, got pissed, desecrated a national monument or two and is suddenly Ptolemy.
(Thu 8th Apr 2010, 17:26, More)
People who use foreign words...
...for no good reason (just incase you had me pegged as a Daily Mail I'm not a racist but... type of person.)
You know what I mean, writers who use words like azure or rouge when fucking blue or red will do. I bet Dante or Camus never felt like subbing English words into their poetry (I'm sure someone will correct me on that one but the point remains), so why do English writers feel the need to show us that they know the Italian for blue.
Also place names.
I am aware that Moscow is Moskva in Russian, I am aware that Warsaw should be pronounced Varshavaa, but in English we have English words for these places.
To use the example of Moscow.
If I am speaking Russian the country would be Rossiya and the capital Moskva. (cant be chewed with the cyrillic keyboard for any pedants out there.)
If I am speaking Hungarian it would be Oroszorszag and Moszkva.
German: Russland and Moskau.
In English though it is and should always be Russia and Moscow.
Makes me start having headaches when I am corrected by some jumped up twat who has done interrail or the likes, visited a city for 2 days, flicked through a rough guide, got pissed, desecrated a national monument or two and is suddenly Ptolemy.
(Thu 8th Apr 2010, 17:26, More)
» Annoying words and phrases
Crack and Craic
People who spell the word crack as "craic". It's not a gaelic word, it was borrowed into gaelic from English and given a gaelic spelling due to the lack of the letter K.
People who frequent Irish themed pubs and went on piss ups to Dublin then began to reborrow (very Orwellian) the gaelicised form of the original English in a futile attempt to sound more cultured.
Just use the correct English spelling which is crack. Ya bastards!
(Thu 8th Apr 2010, 20:07, More)
Crack and Craic
People who spell the word crack as "craic". It's not a gaelic word, it was borrowed into gaelic from English and given a gaelic spelling due to the lack of the letter K.
People who frequent Irish themed pubs and went on piss ups to Dublin then began to reborrow (very Orwellian) the gaelicised form of the original English in a futile attempt to sound more cultured.
Just use the correct English spelling which is crack. Ya bastards!
(Thu 8th Apr 2010, 20:07, More)