Profile for Vinnie Strokes:
I'm happy :-)
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- a member for 2 years, 9 months and 27 days
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- has posted 11 stories and 146 replies on question of the week
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I'm happy :-)
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» Narrow Escapes
One of many "Oh shit" moments on two wheels..
Coming home from work on my bike (Honda CB400 at the time) like any other January evening on a quiet two lane B road, I approach a tractor ahead and prepare to overtake.. Mirror, signal, position, speed, look, all good, take another look over my shoulder as I start to move right and good thing I did because the car behind chose to ignore my signal, position etc and force it's way past.
I managed to straighten up within inches of being reduced to mincemeat and gravy with a car on one side and a tractor on the other. (When I say inches I mean if I'd had a full english that morning I wouldn't have fitted in the space I found myself occupying, more like millimetres)
I followed the car for about 7-8 miles (it was going my way) then I saw it pull in at the next village. I decided to follow for a "chat" about what had transpired. I didn't approach, just calmly stopped nearby yet she wouldn't even get out of the car until she'd sent her daughter to fetch her husband LOL.
Turns out I had more to fear from her than her husband, she went fucking psycho! Realising I was wasting my breath and was in fact likely to be attacked by this raging dragon whore of a woman I opted to go home and get drunk as opposed to spending the weekend in a cell on account of putting my boot where it so rightly belonged. (In her fanny)
Another point of interest which I realised later (while scraping the shit out of my socks) was that this happened on Friday the 13th! (2006)
Moral of the story, menopausal psycho dragonesses are fucking dangerous behind the wheel and woe betide anyone who tries to call them to account on the matter. Take care my fellow road users.
(Fri 20th Aug 2010, 0:12, More)
One of many "Oh shit" moments on two wheels..
Coming home from work on my bike (Honda CB400 at the time) like any other January evening on a quiet two lane B road, I approach a tractor ahead and prepare to overtake.. Mirror, signal, position, speed, look, all good, take another look over my shoulder as I start to move right and good thing I did because the car behind chose to ignore my signal, position etc and force it's way past.
I managed to straighten up within inches of being reduced to mincemeat and gravy with a car on one side and a tractor on the other. (When I say inches I mean if I'd had a full english that morning I wouldn't have fitted in the space I found myself occupying, more like millimetres)
I followed the car for about 7-8 miles (it was going my way) then I saw it pull in at the next village. I decided to follow for a "chat" about what had transpired. I didn't approach, just calmly stopped nearby yet she wouldn't even get out of the car until she'd sent her daughter to fetch her husband LOL.
Turns out I had more to fear from her than her husband, she went fucking psycho! Realising I was wasting my breath and was in fact likely to be attacked by this raging dragon whore of a woman I opted to go home and get drunk as opposed to spending the weekend in a cell on account of putting my boot where it so rightly belonged. (In her fanny)
Another point of interest which I realised later (while scraping the shit out of my socks) was that this happened on Friday the 13th! (2006)
Moral of the story, menopausal psycho dragonesses are fucking dangerous behind the wheel and woe betide anyone who tries to call them to account on the matter. Take care my fellow road users.
(Fri 20th Aug 2010, 0:12, More)
» It's Not What It Looks Like!
Came home from work to find...
My Mum had popped round and was in the process of reading a delivery note for a parcel that had just been delivered... With my name on it...
Oh the shame! It was full of assorted sex toys. Not the cheeky Anne Summers type toys, proper hardcore perverse stuff.
(Thu 9th Dec 2010, 23:25, More)
Came home from work to find...
My Mum had popped round and was in the process of reading a delivery note for a parcel that had just been delivered... With my name on it...
Oh the shame! It was full of assorted sex toys. Not the cheeky Anne Summers type toys, proper hardcore perverse stuff.
(Thu 9th Dec 2010, 23:25, More)
» Protest!
In my younger days I worked in the service department at a major car dealership, fixing cars and such...
Part of my job was to liaise with customers when there had been a problem, or some such nonsense... To be honest, I have no idea why they picked me for that job as I'm probably the most impatient and ill tempered person you're ever likely to meet, but the pay was ok so...
Anyways, there was this one "gentleman" who supposedly wasn't happy with the length of time it had taken us to fix a water leak in his car. Water had been coming into the passenger compartment at the passenger side behind the dashboard, so this meant the entire dash had to come out.
As you can imagine this takes time, and if we were to rush it we ran the risk of damage to the interior, causing a rattle, further leaks, etc so we took our time and did the job to a high standard. We were charging £90 per hour!! so quality was important.
So, a while later the owner returns to collect his car. Somewhere between paying our receptionist and fucking off, this crimson coloured little man appeared in the workshop (a staff only area for health & safety and insurance purposes) looking for "whatever cunt had worked on his car" with the objective of "strangling the fucker".. I looked for my apprentice, as it was customary to blame the apprentice in the event of a problem, but the sly cunt was busy doing his best to look busy through fits of stifled sniggering with the lads at the parts department counter, so I ended up taking the brunt of this now blue midgets angry tyrade.
To my credit I managed to keep a cool head, I suppose I was slightly amused by the figure before me, he was about half my size. I kept getting this mental image of Danny DeVito taking a shit.
The protest? After a test drive and filling the tank as a gesture of goodwill I dropped a well stewed fart in his car before parking it up. That'll teach the cunt.
(Sat 13th Nov 2010, 15:53, More)
In my younger days I worked in the service department at a major car dealership, fixing cars and such...
Part of my job was to liaise with customers when there had been a problem, or some such nonsense... To be honest, I have no idea why they picked me for that job as I'm probably the most impatient and ill tempered person you're ever likely to meet, but the pay was ok so...
Anyways, there was this one "gentleman" who supposedly wasn't happy with the length of time it had taken us to fix a water leak in his car. Water had been coming into the passenger compartment at the passenger side behind the dashboard, so this meant the entire dash had to come out.
As you can imagine this takes time, and if we were to rush it we ran the risk of damage to the interior, causing a rattle, further leaks, etc so we took our time and did the job to a high standard. We were charging £90 per hour!! so quality was important.
So, a while later the owner returns to collect his car. Somewhere between paying our receptionist and fucking off, this crimson coloured little man appeared in the workshop (a staff only area for health & safety and insurance purposes) looking for "whatever cunt had worked on his car" with the objective of "strangling the fucker".. I looked for my apprentice, as it was customary to blame the apprentice in the event of a problem, but the sly cunt was busy doing his best to look busy through fits of stifled sniggering with the lads at the parts department counter, so I ended up taking the brunt of this now blue midgets angry tyrade.
To my credit I managed to keep a cool head, I suppose I was slightly amused by the figure before me, he was about half my size. I kept getting this mental image of Danny DeVito taking a shit.
The protest? After a test drive and filling the tank as a gesture of goodwill I dropped a well stewed fart in his car before parking it up. That'll teach the cunt.
(Sat 13th Nov 2010, 15:53, More)