» Conversation Killers

I had to go to a training seminar..
..where I would be joined by all the UK representatives of the company I worked for........in Swansea.
My head wasn't particularly in the game as we checked into the hotel en masse. In an economy drive the company got us twin rooms and I was first to check in. They called out my room mate (a stranger) and in the effort to break the ice my first words to him were,

"You'd better be careful mate, I sleep rape"

Surrounded by the horrified expressions of the hotel staff and my peers I wished that perhaps my internal appropriateness filter worked a bit better.

My room mate was a good sport about it and had an uninterrupted nights sleep.
(Wed 18th May 2011, 9:32, More)

» Biggest Sexual Regret

Chlamydia Fingers
I cut through a tendon in my left hand which needed many months of physio and recuperation. During this time something a little odd happened to my left hand nails on the index and middle finger; just by the cuticle something odd was happening.
The hand guards were off and I was ready for action. I was at a festival and ended up fingering a very nice lady who I had been courting of late.
Cut to a couple of weeks later when something called an overgranulation started spouting out of my cuticle and my nails started to grow off my fingers with no new growth of nail. Had a myriad of tests and antibiotics over the course of a 3 month period.
At one point during this I explained the above festival story to the Doc and he said that it could be chlamydia so I gamely told the lady this was the case.
Turned out just to be a stupid infection and I embarrassed myself and the lady who never spoke to me again.
I'm right handed so I'm really not sure why I used my left; but now I never do.
I ended up having both nails surgically removed and my friends mercilessly taking the piss out of me for years too....
(Mon 12th Dec 2011, 17:00, More)

» The Best / Worst thing I've ever eaten

Rotten fish
I have a good Swedish friend and his family would sometimes bring Scandinavian delicacies to him.
Surstromming and Lutfisk were the strangest and most disgusting things I have ever encountered. I did not eat them (I know that this is a little off topic but ....)the smell of either was the worst thing I have ever encountered, and eating was not really on the cards. Surstromming is essentially rotten fish and Lutfisk is prepared with causic lye.

Also please never eat Hakarl, basking shark meat, traditionally wrapped up and buried underground for a few months. An Icelandic dish. The sharks don't process urea (the poisons in piss) the same way as us and some filters out through the skin and the meat smells like piss and tastes of ammonia.

Not funny but informative perhaps....
(Fri 27th May 2011, 14:16, More)