» The worst sex I ever had

This was actually some of the best sex ever, for a while.
Basically, being 15, I had to leave iTunes on to cover the noise when my (older) girlfriend came round. We were just getting into things when Master of Puppets, by Metallica, came on. Awesome! I thought, being a big metalhead at the time.

However, if you listen to that song you'll notice the fucking aceness of the second guitar solo. So did I, and I stopped thrusting to air-guitar for the full 30-35 seconds of it.

To her credit, she waited patiently for the solo to finish, and we continued without a hitch. But looking back...well, what the fuck was I thinking of?
(Sun 17th Jun 2007, 20:01, More)

» Shame

I'm ashamed of the joke I told on the underground.
My friend was annoying me by whispering things in my ear about really stupid things, so I waited for her to finish talking and then I suddenly shouted to her "What the fuck do you mean you forgot the deteonator?"

Everybody looked at us, trying to work out if we were trying to be funny or not.

"For fuck's sake, Jen, Osama's really going to have us this time... Look, I'll call Abdul and we'll get the fuck out of here."

We got off at the next stop.

I suppose it's not as bad as my other friend's trick of jumping off a train with one of his mates' bags, then throwing it back to them through the door just as the train leaves whilst grinning like a manic and waving, but still...the shame...
(Fri 25th Nov 2005, 1:09, More)

» Beautiful but Bonkers

She liked my little brother.
She said one time, "How's your brother?"

I said, "Not bad, you know, he's just starting year 3."

She said, "He's so cute, your brother."

I said, "Yes, he's a nice kid. I like him a lot."

She said, "No seriously, I could just eat him up!"

I replied with an affectionate laugh.

She said "If I was a paedophile he'd be right on the top of my list."










Well, that killed a little more than just the conversation.
(Sun 19th Nov 2006, 16:22, More)

» Too much information

"No, the food was very nice, the reason I threw up is that my stomach lining's weak. The bleach ate right through it during my suicide attempt last year - did I mention I haven't got a womb any more?"
We'd only just met. To be fair to her, though, there are benefits to being frank about these things.
(Thu 6th Sep 2007, 11:52, More)

» My first experience of porn

At my friend's house, we were asked by a popup "How many cocks can one bitch handle?"
Four, it turns out.
(Sun 28th Jan 2007, 18:51, More)