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- a member for 11 years, 2 months and 4 days
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- has posted 3 stories and 3 replies on question of the week
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» FIGHT!
Scramblers
It was about 01:00 on a saturday morning in Belfast city centre. A friend of mine was talking to a woman, when a spide (N. Irish chav) sped past him on his moped, almost sending the girl flying. It was just outside a chinese restaurant in a particularly crazy part of the city, Shaftesbury Sq. All the bars in the area get let out at once and it is bedlam. The spide stopped a short distance up the street, where his mates were laughing like a pack of hyenas. My friend shouted "Try that again you wee wanker and see what happens." He sped towards them again, but my friend stepped calmly to the side, grabbed him by the collar, and lifted him off the moped as it continued, driverless, down the footpath. The spide landed on his back. My friend lifted his crash helmet visor, dumped his skelping hot gravy chip into his face, and closed the visor again.
I wept.
(Fri 15th Mar 2013, 0:25, More)
Scramblers
It was about 01:00 on a saturday morning in Belfast city centre. A friend of mine was talking to a woman, when a spide (N. Irish chav) sped past him on his moped, almost sending the girl flying. It was just outside a chinese restaurant in a particularly crazy part of the city, Shaftesbury Sq. All the bars in the area get let out at once and it is bedlam. The spide stopped a short distance up the street, where his mates were laughing like a pack of hyenas. My friend shouted "Try that again you wee wanker and see what happens." He sped towards them again, but my friend stepped calmly to the side, grabbed him by the collar, and lifted him off the moped as it continued, driverless, down the footpath. The spide landed on his back. My friend lifted his crash helmet visor, dumped his skelping hot gravy chip into his face, and closed the visor again.
I wept.
(Fri 15th Mar 2013, 0:25, More)
» Surprise!
Just brazils?
When I was a toddler, my mother gave me a chocolate covered brazil nut, which if you ask me is rather irresponsible (she has also hidden chicken bones in my mashed potato, I think she wants me dead). Anyway, I don't remember anything about this, but apparently I grabbed it and went on my merry way. About 20 minutes later my mother was vacuuming the living room when she saw the brazil nut lying on the carpet. She had a quick look around to see if anyone was watching before she ate food off the floor like a hobo. The coast was clear, so she picked it up and quickly threw the sweetie into her salivating gob.
It was a piece of shit that had fallen out of my nappy.
(Sat 6th Apr 2013, 19:32, More)
Just brazils?
When I was a toddler, my mother gave me a chocolate covered brazil nut, which if you ask me is rather irresponsible (she has also hidden chicken bones in my mashed potato, I think she wants me dead). Anyway, I don't remember anything about this, but apparently I grabbed it and went on my merry way. About 20 minutes later my mother was vacuuming the living room when she saw the brazil nut lying on the carpet. She had a quick look around to see if anyone was watching before she ate food off the floor like a hobo. The coast was clear, so she picked it up and quickly threw the sweetie into her salivating gob.
It was a piece of shit that had fallen out of my nappy.
(Sat 6th Apr 2013, 19:32, More)
» I Hurt My Rude Bits, Again
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire
It was Christmas Eve 1999. I was sitting on my bed, watching the unusually large moon and smoking a joint made with Regal King Size tobacco and seriously gakky hash. Suddenly a large hot-rock fell from the cherry, straight through the fly in my boxer shorts and landed square on my ballbag. The thing was so big (the hot-rock, not my scrote), I was surprised they didn't have to send Bruce Willis and a dozen other pointless twats up in a rocket to drill it a new arsehole. Afterwards, I could play my junk like a fucking ocarina.
(Tue 12th Mar 2013, 19:12, More)
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire
It was Christmas Eve 1999. I was sitting on my bed, watching the unusually large moon and smoking a joint made with Regal King Size tobacco and seriously gakky hash. Suddenly a large hot-rock fell from the cherry, straight through the fly in my boxer shorts and landed square on my ballbag. The thing was so big (the hot-rock, not my scrote), I was surprised they didn't have to send Bruce Willis and a dozen other pointless twats up in a rocket to drill it a new arsehole. Afterwards, I could play my junk like a fucking ocarina.
(Tue 12th Mar 2013, 19:12, More)