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Profile for The_cold_stare:
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From Best Graffiti courtesy of flapjack:

At Newcastle Uni:

"Call me on xxx-xxxx for a good time. I'm eight inches long and two inches thick"

"... are you a ferret?"


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And I never fucking will. Weirdos

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» Getting Away With It

The Gideon Blizzard
Back at school when those nice people used to come and issue the free bibles had left and we had returned to English class on the second floor we were wondering what to do with a job lot of bibles that clearly noone on our desk wanted. Then the opportunity presented itself, the teacher decided to leave the class - something completely forbidden at the school unless they found a replacement.

Sharp as you like, me and the other two opened up the ink cartridges (this was a little before the digital age) splashed them liberally throughout the bibles, ripped as many of the pages out as we could and threw them out of the window. The scene was beautiful, like a sort of Christmas snow only with inked-up Gideon bible pages showering down two floors onto the floor below. The teacher returned a little sheepishly very soon after followed by a number of teachers from the ground and first floor who had all worked out that it couldn't have been any of their classes because they were too low or because they were present in the room. I don't think any of us had thought that quite a few classes would have seen the snowfall...

Anyway, the most irate teacher asked our teacher if she had been in the room and in front of us and to our utter relief she lied through her crooked old teeth and said she had been.

With that, they all blustered off, presumably to go and bother the classes on the third floor.

She knew we'd heard her lie and she had a bit of a look around at the desks for missing bibles and all three of us were covered in fucking ink but her look said "let's just move on shall we". Everybody in school remembers the blizzard but that class will always wonder what the hell that teacher was doing that she had to lie to five of her colleagues in front of a class full of kids.
(Wed 26th Jul 2017, 21:02, More)

» Lies Your Parents Told You II

Weather lies
My mum told me that rain was caused by the tears of angels who had bumped their heads together.

At infants school this lie was laid bare when my teacher asked the class what caused rain and I put my hand up and told the whole class this load of horseshit. Even at this age no child believed that except me. Cue laughter and great embarrassment. Made worse when one of my stupider classmates then said, "ain't it clouds, miss?"

This laid the template for the lies that were to follow though as we moved from angels tears/rain confusion to confusion about when mortgage endowment policies would mature and why she should keep the policy and not cash it in (but that's another bitter, lying bitch-of-a-mother story)
(Thu 10th Aug 2017, 18:48, More)