NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 128: "INVENTING NEW SPORTS"
This Week:
* ANIM - Monkey vs. Skateboard
* SPORT - Crap new extreme sport
* B3TA RADIO - Joel Veitch sings live
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___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "We're saving the
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B3ta email 128 - 26 Mar 2004
Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue128/
Subscribe: [email protected]
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Aliens, Monkeys, Zombies, eBay, Sport & Blobs
>> Monkey danger <<
"I've been a bit worried recently,"
taps Dr. A, "Y'know, about skateboard safety
and that. Rather than hide in a cupboard and
cry, I thought I'd put together a jolly
cartoon show to warn the kids." Fucking hell.
This caught us by surprise. It's cocking great.
http://homepage.ntlworld.com/ashen1/ashen/cartoon/...
>> Alien zoo <<
"Here's a little music/animation thing my
friends and I are doing," writes Bobby Z,"
We're building up to a full-length release
in May." Huzzah. This has a neat visual style
based on dithering photographic images down
to two colours, oh and a chunky pub rock
production that brings to mind the work
of b3ta contributor Mystery Bob. Great stuff.
http://www.alien-zoo.com/alienzoo.html
>> Zombie kitten game <<
"What do you do when you're an innocent young
pink kitten," purrs Matazone, "that's travelling
across a graveyard as dusk falls and then you get
attacked by zombies? You pull out a dog-firing
mortar cannon of course."
http://www.matazone.co.uk/night_of_the_zombie_kitt...
>> Mad eBay transcript <<
"I've met this guy called Ralph", writes Kimbal,
"Do you think he deserves a bit of fame?" Oh yes.
He's obviously a complete nutter. Thank God
we're too lazy to ever auction our unwanted
crap on eBay - it's clearly full of freaks.
http://www.mypole.co.uk/ralph.htm
>> Look mum - I can fly <<
"After a bet with a friend," confides Thomas
Scott, "I seem to have invented a new extreme
sport. Unfortunately, my first attempt at it
left me in the middle of some prickle bushes
with a twisted ankle." Haha. We laughed so
hard at this we made sex wee. Oh and he's
wearing a b3ta shirt too. Woo hoo.
http://www.thomasscott.net/bodysailing/
>> Period table <<
Muffrat got in touch and says, "After your
request in the previous newsletter for menstrual
euphemisms based around the periodic table, I
couldn't resist. Some of them are pretty desperate
(54-Xe was a particular cunt, as was anything
with the letter a, of which there were many),
but some are quite good. My personal favourites
are 9, 34, 42, 51 and 87."
http://www2.b3ta.com/periodic/periodtable.gif
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: B3TA RADIO
Joel & Alex Veitch sing
This week we've invited Joel & Alex into
to the studio to sing. They'll be playing
classics such as "Giant Bee" and "We Like
Tha Moon."
We were round his house yesterday and were
rather amused to see that all his odd
characters are actually his flatmates - check
out these snaps we took with our phone:
http://b3ta.com/features/joelsflat/
It will be fun this week, so tune in with
your handsome hosts and writers of this
very newsletter Rob Manuel and David
Stevenson.
You can learn more about b3tarRadio and how
to tune in here:
http://b3ta.com/features/b3taradio/
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: B3TA SHIRTS
For sale.
It's coming up to Easter. We think giving
chocolate eggs to celebrate the death of
Christ is passé.
The cool kids are giving each other b3ta
T-shirts. Better than chocolate. Trust us.
http://www.b3ta.com/shop/
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.
>> Magic 8-Ball dissection <<
Making decisions is hard. Thank God someone
invented the 8-Ball to take the work out of
it. But have you ever wondered what's really
inside? Tiny mind-control pixies? Small
kittens of ambivalence? Find out here.
http://8ball.ofb.net/procedure.html
>> Downloading movies <<
Pissing heck. Classic 60s horror movie
Night of the Living Dead has been released
to the public domain and you can download
it on the web. The more creative of you
might want to cut it up and make your own
skits and movies. The rest of you? Well you
could just watch it. Warning: big fucking
file that'll take you all night to grab.
http://www.archive.org/movies/collection.php
>> Skidmark security <<
Tips for burglars: You've broken into a house.
You're looking for jewellery. You find some
nasty shitty keks. That's where the valuables
are.
http://www.shomertec.com/item.cfm
>> Pop stars and their Spectrums <<
A quirk of history is that some 7" records in
the 80s came with computer software on the b-side.
The Shaking Stevens racing game made us shit tears.
http://www.kempa.com/blog/archives/000053.html
>> Train set in a briefcase <<
Busy executive? All grown up and still want to
play trains? Then take this to work. No one
will be able to spot that you're a complete dork.
Unless your beard gives it away.
http://www.gaugemaster.co.uk/noch.html
>> Goth boy <<
Thank fuck there was no web when we were
teenagers - otherwise we too would have been
sticking up photos of our goth selves to be
laughed at by the whole world.
http://mavra.perilith.com/~aard/mirror/mutilator14...
>> Cover your office in Post-Its <<
Bored this afternoon? Why not festoon your office
in Post-It notes? And then email 3M and impress
the company so much that they send you more.
It's all actually rather pretty. Maybe you'll want to
try using a different stationary product. Paint
all the PCs with Tip-ex, fill the sprinklers with
toner or something.
http://www.interactivetools.com/staff/dave/damons_...
>> Shopping channel video <<
Satellite TV can be cheap and nasty. Having barely
enough budget to get stuff on means there's
no room for error. Like when you cut yourself with
a huge samurai sword.
http://snipurl.com/5bxc
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: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
Squirrels
Lovely set of a pics of a chappy feeding
a squirrel through his window. Finishes with
the money shot of Cat vs Squirrel. Charming
stuff.
http://www.funpic.hu/ot2/ot8770.jpg
BTW: What's the cutest thing you've seen on
the web recently? Tell us at http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Whoah! Challenge
Each week we run a competition to test your
creative skills. We set a challenge and you
open Photoshop and mess with our heads.
Last week we wanted shocking things that had
appeared overnight to freak us out:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/whoah/
We asked b3ta boarder 'Jim, Keeper of the
Strawberry Dragon' to judge the entries - here
are his 3 faves.
Jim writes -
#1 "George was in for a shock when he woke up...
- yay for Corporate America! Tomorrow morning
it'll be a Subway. Funny because it's true.
(mikeCUK28)
http://b3ta.com/board/2920166
#2 "God's Hangover - and on the 7th day, he got
pissed out of his skull. Top-class use of
God-sponging. (Fat Boab)
http://b3ta.com/board/2927410
#3 "Crap tales from medieval punland - strictly.
it's not what the compo was after, but extreme
punnage meets yellow pixel men and lots of
pixel blood?? It had to go in..." (Robin Johnson)
http://b3ta.com/board/2926032
>> This Week's Challenge <<
This week, Rob decided that in the wake of the
success of 'SPepper' we should come up with more
co-joined product innovations:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/gloots/
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.
* XYLOPHONE BUGGERY - long-term b3ta readers
with remember Buffy's Swearing Keyboard, which
is still making news 3 years later. Latest
is finding the X key graffitied onto an abandoned
shopping centre. Huzzah. If you spot any more
b3ta graffiti then get in touch.
http://www.garfnet.org.uk/pictures/index.htm
* BIG RIG GAME PARODY - last week we linked to
a crap flash game that amused us mainly for
being so easy and going "You're Winner!" for doing
sod all. Turns out it's an entirely accurate
spoof of a real game foisted onto an unsuspecting
public last year. This review made us laugh.
http://www.gamespot.com/pc/driving/bigrigsotrr/rev...
* SWEARING C4 THINGY - "Further to the Channel 4 sweary
celebs link in #126," writes Joe McNally, "
I appeared on Richard & Judy several years ago
and was privileged to hear Richard describe some
telly award they'd won the night before as
'looking like a pig's cock'."
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* FLASH-BASED SELF HYPNOSIS REGRESSION
APPLICATION - regress back to being Joan
of Arc from the comfort of your browser.
* SECRET LANGUAGE INSULTS - how to tell deaf
people to fuck off in sign language and
semaphore to insult sailors. Might work
best as an article-based bit of research.
* HAY-FEVER SIMULATOR - big close-up of a face.
Catch the sneezes with your hanky mouse.
Avoid the pollen. Don't roll in the grass etc.
Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
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Subscribe: [email protected]
Unsubscribe: [email protected]
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THANKS:
This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson.
Links sent in by James Barnard, Hollowaymartin,
Whizzbang, Sarah Toner, Rob H, Dancentury,
Loz, and the 40 people who sent links about
the Big Rig game.
Top Tippery by Clydefrog
Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry.
Board research by Fnord.
Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder.
Proofing by the woo b4ta yays. (72612)
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TOP TIP:
If you have any jewellery (silver is best) that
needs a good clean, wait until you go out
for a curry (or other establishment) that serves
those lemony hot towel things after your grub.
Use these towels to buff your adornments -
they'll come up super-shiny!
