This Week: * WEEBL - his finest work yet * FIREWORKS - ooh lots of pretty fireworks * B3TA RADIO - Putting your foot in your mouth ------------------------------------------------- ________ ____ __ ___ ____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | ___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "We're saving the __/____/____/\__/_/ |_| web... together" B3ta email 132 - 23 Apr 2004 Read this issue in your browser: http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue132/ Subscribe: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com Unsub: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK Weebl, Fireworks, and Brian Blessed >> Weebl & Lasers << Jonti hoped to get his latest episode of Weebl & Bob into the last newsletter but he didn't finish it in time. He pleaded with us to delay the newsletter, "God man! It's my best work yet!" Anyway, it's finished now and a mighty fine thing it is too. http://www.weebl.jolt.co.uk/Team%20Laser%20Explosi... >> Firework stupidity << "My name's Ross", writes er... Ross, "I've been filming my mates doing various unorthodox things with fireworks. The best bit is near the end where the next door neighbour has a bit of a benny!" Understandable, since he's nearly met a flaming death. http://www.rossb.co.uk/fireworks/ >> Brian Blessed TV ad << Mr Wheatley has spent much of his recent time buggering about with modifying found video. Here he's taken a Japanese commercial and added the magic ingredient of Brian Blessed. This is what Lost in Translation should have been like. http://www.mrandmrswheatley.co.uk/gordan2.html ------------------------------------------------- : HUMAN ZOO People you don't want to meet If b3ta wasn't busy running a website we'd like to open a Human Zoo, with people instead of animals. So put your flippers together and throw some fish to our specimens. >> Man in tights << If you're looking for new wallpaper to stick on your boss's PC whilst he's out having a drunken lunch, you could do worse than this selection of pictures of our new favourite German wearing tights photoshopped into a fantasy setting. We'd say it was seemless, but it's more crotchless. http://modgirl.yafro.com/photo/6732 >> Fat bloke in Tron suit << Science fiction can breed a strange madness in people. Jay Maynard is a big fan of cult 80s film Tron and we're a big fan of him. This has been one of the most popular links on the internet this week. http://www.ibiblio.org/jmaynard/TRONcostume/ >> Extremely fat man in a dress << What can be better than the joyful sight of a cross-dressing lard-bucket eating a huge bag of crisps? Surely this is what Tim Berners-Lee had in mind when he created the web. http://modgirl.yafro.com/photo/6732 ------------------------------------------------- : SITES IN BRIEF Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates. >> Boob scotch song << Latter-day bluesman Bob Log III is a certified genius. Tap your toe to this great video, wherein he propounds his new cocktail idea. It's scotch and ice, but mixed together with the breasts of every lady in the room. That's for men obviously. We don't want to think about the equivalent for ladies. It would probably have sparkling white wine in it. Eww. http://media.epitaph.com/epicenter/core/133/308/35... >> Cut-down Kirk << William Shatner is the finest actor of his generation, there can be no argument about that. This eerie short Flash sees the great man displaying his full range of acting chops and simultaneously conjures the very best of the Star Trek franchise in condensed form. http://khaaan.com/ >> Stupid dog << They say to always lock up your pets on Bonfire Night. Ostensibly this is because otherwise the poor creatures will be scared. That is clearly a lie. This vid shows the plain truth. Given the chance, your dog would go on a destructive, firework-wielding rampage. http://www.fl4.net/rden/stupidDog.wmv >> No frills custom car << We're crap with cars and can't even drive, so imagine our respect for people who spend their every waking moment dreaming ways to fine-tune their vehicle into an awesome techno-steed. Now double that figure to approach our feelings for the hapless Gaz who bravely brings the spirit of Blue Peter to his customised Vauxhall Nova - total budget £30. http://www.migweb.co.uk/forums/showthread.php >> Firework stunt << We've all been there. You've got a whole box of fireworks, a crash helmet and a foolish mate. As bad ideas go, this one should win some sort of prize: Does it hurt to have a twenty rockets fired at you? The resulting video clip isn't remotely funny, but it is spectacular. One gets the impression that the unfortunate volunteer could be blinded at any moment. http://www.chiseen.com/vidshare/md/human_target.ht... >> Honesty stamps << A wonderful idea if you find yourself having to use the same phrases over and over. Avoid writer's cramp by purchasing rubber stamps of the most common. We've ordered "In all my life I've never met anyone as beautiful as you" and "I swear on my mother's grave I'll never do that again." They didn't have one about wanking, so we got the nearest equivalent. http://www.mosleymeetswilcox.com/shop/shopstamps.h... >> Mummified cat adventures << You're cleaning under your house and find a horrific-looking mummified cat. You or I might say "Eww" and throw it out. But that would be such a waste. See what fun this man has with one, taking it on an otherwise humdrum day repairing his car. We expect to see him and his cat on America's Most Wanted Serial Killers in the next couple of years. http://www.livejournal.com/users/ilblissli/20266.h...#t13866 >> Ultimate Star Wars toy << Star Wars merchandise is all very well, but why do they always stick to the small stuff, people, animals, and the like? These are mere child's toys and we hanker for bigger things. Things like this scale model of the frankly colossal spaceship from the opening scenes of the first film. You can play for ages with it, crush your foes and when you're done you can use it as a novelty coffin. Neat-O. http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll >> Cat freak encyclopaedia << Like cats, but getting a bit... jaded? Have a gander at this comprehensive study of freakish, mutant cats. Apparently you should never call conjoined kittens 'Siamese kittens' - it confuses them. Standout quote for us: "the eerie sound of two muzzles crying." Possibly not for the easily upset. http://www.messybeast.com/freak-cats.htm ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA RADIO Putting your foot in it. We've been asking for your tales about social gaffes for our radio show. Our favourite stories include: * "There was a hot music teacher at my school, called Mrs. Brogden. My friend Badger was having a conversation with me and a few other friends, his back to the rest of the playground. We were discussing teachers at the time. She walked up behind him, about to ask one of us a question about some music coursework, opened her mouth and right on cue Badger said something along the lines of how he'd love to fuck Mrs. Brogden in the arse and smear his shitty cock on her tits. Her mouth didn't close, just hung there, face white with shock/terror. She walked off without saying anything. (John Doe) * "My mum was finishing her shopping and making her way home, she got stopped by a Big Issue seller. Seeing that the guy only had 1 copy left in his hand, she agreed to buy and said 'Oh that's your last one, you can go home. (Beaston) * "As a young and hopelessly naive teenager I'd heard many friends refer to 'Licking Out'. Having no idea what this referred to but assuming tongues where involved - I equated the phrase with 'French Kissing.' Anyway months later my Dad took me and my little brother to pick up my older step-sister from the train station for her regular visit. As usual we immediately got chatting in the car on the way home. 'So!' she said 'Who do you fancy at school then?' 'Well,' I replied, 'there's this girl in English called Sally... I'd lick her out.'" (microsaulxp) All this and more can be read here: http://www.b3ta.com/questions/foot_in_mouth/ ------------------------------------------------- : BIT TORRENT TV What we've been watching this week Bit Torrent rocks. It's totally changed the way we watch TV. We can now download the stuff we actually want to see and view it in our own time. The crappy news this week is that one of the main sites - torrentz.com - has gone down, due to the internet curse of bandwidth and legal problems. However Suprnova is still working lovely. To download telly you need to install a client. There are many many, but for PCs we prefer ABC. http://pingpong-abc.sourceforge.net/download.html This week we've been watching... >> Takeshi's Castle << We salute the genius of Japanese television producers. They've dispensed with any ideas of fair play and competition and reduced the gameshow format down to ways to generate shots of people being hurt and humiliated. Genius. >> The Tripods << The 80's kids' sci-fi show that killed Dr Who has turned up on SuprNova. We've caught about 3 episodes so far and it's a mixed blessing. It's slow and the acting is terrible. However, the story is gripping and the Tripods still look cool. Worth having a look if you enjoyed it 20 years ago, but probably not recommended to younger readers. >> South Park << As it's open season on Michael Jackson, Matt Stone and Trey Parker are taking their best shot. Interestingly, they've concentrated on the "he's a bad parent" angle. Which is er.. quit reasonable really. Last week's Awesom-O episode was funnier, focusing on the relationship between Cartman and Butters - our favourite character the show has produced. All this stuff and more is available via the usual suspect of: http://www.suprnova.org/ ------------------------------------------------- : THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH Bowl of Kittens B3ta regular Casey has been photographing kittens in bowls. They are the cutest thing in the world in convenient portable form. Can you come up with better? http://photos.caseyporn.com/show.php BTW: What's the cutest thing you've seen on the web recently? Tell us at http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ ------------------------------------------------- : B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE Results from the Secret Government Departments Challenge Each week we run a competition to test your creative skills. We set a challenge and you open Photoshop and mess with our heads. Last week we wanted secret government departments that are responsible for ruining your lives: http://b3ta.com/challenge/secretgovernmentdepartme... We asked b3ta boarder Sue Denham to judge the entries - here are her 3 faves. Sue writes - #1 "Wrong number - this made me laugh too much. I'm just imagining the pile at the bottom of the building. (Bad Horsey) http://b3ta.com/board/3051727 #2 "VATman - Thanks for proving that, beneath the meek and mild exterior, a superhero lurks in every goverment desk jockey. (IceZebra) http://b3ta.com/board/3052259 #3 "Flashy thing - now you know what the MIB get up to when they aren't covering up the presence of aliens. Bastards." (Sponge Monkey) http://b3ta.com/board/3052678 "Special mention must go to AmazonGirl for entering something that isn't exactly a secret department, but does explain an awful lot." http://b3ta.com/board/3067565 >> This Week's Challenge << This week,the challenge dictator was back, nostalgic for happier times. He wants to know what life would be like "If the Commies had won the Cold War." http://b3ta.com/challenge/ifthecommieshadwon/ ------------------------------------------------- : WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? Follow-ups on previous stories. * BABY PHOTOS - last week we linked to a site with tonnes of photos of a baby hanging out with celebs. 100s of you wrote in to say you've discovered that the Baby's father is an actor called Michael Zorek who played "Man" in "Can't Hurry Love". Actually, the actor himself wrote to us trying to blag a free t-shirt. Cheeky monkey. http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0957905/ * HUMAN CATAPULTS - we asked you to build a slingshot that could throw people. Several of you wrote in to say that extreme sports groups have been offering this for a few years and there have been numerous casualties. Bugger. ------------------------------------------------- : STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE Make something cool and tell us about it. If you are in it then people will see your stuff. Things we'd really like to see include * USB REMOTE CONTROL CARS WITH BUILT IN WIRELESS VIDEO CAMERAS - how cool would that be? Control the car via your computer keyboard with a video relay back to your PC so you can see what the car sees. Could be the office hit of 2005. * USB BONG - it should both glow when you such the pipe and have a cooling element for lovely extra cold smoke. Could be be the student halls hit of 2005. * USB MINI CATTLE PRODS - for tormenting and training ants. Could be the insect discipline hit of 2005. Yadda yadda. Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/ BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't been featured then don't be put off - we look at everything you send us. ------------------------------------------------- Subscribe: b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com Unsubscribe: b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com ------------------------------------------------- THANKS: This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with David Stevenson. Links sent in by people who we'll thank next week. It's all about the suspense. Top Tippery by ...we'll tell you next week. Do you see? Do you? Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry. Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder. Proofing by no-one. Oops. (74730) ------------------------------------------------- TOP TIP: If you have heat marks on polished furniture mix cigarette ash with some olive oil, rub the paste on the mark then buff it off. The mark will disappear leaving your furniture smelling cigarette fresh.
