NEWSLETTER: "DEBT CEILING CAT IS WATCHING YOU DEFAULT"
This Week:
* TRUTH - Obama vs Cassetteboy
* PROTEST - I Threw It On The Ground
* iPLAYER - On your Kindle
-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ |
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| web... together"
B3ta email 489 - 29 Jul 2011
Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue489/
Subscribe: [email protected]
Unsub: [email protected]
-------------------------------------------------
: SPONSORED LINK
Oh just buy a Kindle or something
We've been feeling a bit down on the Kindle as
basically the screen mysteriously broke. Someone
pointed out that Amazon would replace it for
free. Turns out it was out of warranty, but
Amazon replaced it for $40 and free postage. We
were dead chuffed and thought they deserve a bit
of good PR. SO here it is: buy a Kindle because
even if you smash it Amazon are quite reasonable
about it. Yay.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B002LVUWF...
>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/
-------------------------------------------------
: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Obama, Swearing and Winehouse
>> Cassette Boy & Amnesty TV <<
Cassetteboy makes Obama tell the truth, no
waterboarding required. Also lots of other stuff
for Amnesty International.
http://tv.amnesty.org.uk/episodes/episode-two/misc...
>> Just the swearing <<
If you don't like excessive swearing in films,
give thanks to ProperBo, who's compiled all the
moments you'll want to avoid. "Edits of
films/tv/music with *just* the swearing," he
reveals.
http://justtheswearing.com/
>> Kunt's tribute to Diana <<
"RIP Amy Winehouse," intones kunt. "This is our
tribute." Kind of mean, but it made us laugh.
http://www.kuntandthegang.co.uk/amy
-------------------------------------------------
: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Losing it
That we are all on a slippery slope to gaga-dom
is without question. It's just that some of you
are actively scooting down, going "Wheee!":
http://b3ta.com/questions/losingit/
* LAND ROVER - "Drove off to work this morning.
Couldn't remember if I'd locked the Land Rover.
Shit. Some little scrote will be in there trying
to prise the crappy Land Rover own-brand stereo
out of the plastic dash. Thing was, I could
definitely remember opening the Land Rover door
that morning but not locking it after me. I
turned round, drove home, pulled up in front of
my house, saw my other car neatly parked there,
realised I was IN the Land Rover. The million
decibel engine and clouds of noxious exhaust
should have been a clue." (mzungu)
* CAR-JACK - "On a cold, dark rainy evening I
nipped into the local Tesco for a bottle of wine
to numb the pain of another evening of
Eastenders and Corrie. I was knackered after a
long day at work, and wandered back to the car
in my usual slight daze. I hit the key fob for
the central locking, and wandered round to the
driver's side door and opened it whilst checking
my receipt to make sure I had indeed gotten my
two bottles of wine for a tenner. As I slipped
into the driving seat, I realised that MY car
seat doesn't have a cover on it. And my car does
not have a pine tree air freshener. And my car
is not a VW. And my car does not have three
shit-scared children under the age of 10 in it.
Their mum had pressed her key-fob at the same
time as me. My car was three down. Tricky one to
explain, that. Dunno who looked more scared, the
kids, the mum or me." (Bappage)
* CAT FOOD - "At least once a month. Cereal in
the cat's bowl. Cat food in mine. She's now a
big fan of Cornflakes and Rice Krispies. Cat
food on the other hand is horrific and I can see
why she gets more pleasure out of cleaning her
own arse." (Milo Minderbinder)
>> This Week - Conspicuous Consumption <<
Have you ever been photographed sat on a balcony
eating a croissant; or wallowed in luxury just
for the sake of it? What's the most ostentatious
thing you ever seen or done? Brag here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/consumption/
-------------------------------------------------
: PLEASE BUY THE SWEDE MASON SINGLE
Get a B3tan into the charts!
"Hope you aren't all as sick of this as I am,"
frets chart-threatening behemoth Swede Mason.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Just_a_reminder:3
-------------------------------------------------
: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates
>> Interviewing a celebrity. In GIFS. <<
We've seen the future of all online journalism.
This is a format that could run and run.
http://bit.ly/rf1UA4
>> Most ridiculous 80s computer mag cover ever <<
Or possibly a scene cut from the Tom Hanks movie
Big. NSFW.
http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lmioz5dvD21qbtj0...
>> iPlayer for Kindle <<
Kindles don't display video, so what to do? Why
not write a script that turns episodes of East
Enders into 80s-style photo stories? Genius?
Stupid? Both.
http://www.frisnit.com/
>> Oatmeal explain everything <<
It's like a primer on the internet circa now.
All you need to know.
http://theoatmeal.com/comics/state_web_summer
>> You Are Not A Photographer <<
A rather spiteful blog that points out crap
photography. Occasionally funny, but we reckon
the writer feels their special talents of owning
a camera are being undermined by iffy snappers.
http://youarenotaphotographer.com/
>> Make your own Nyan cat <<
Using your printer and some scissors make your
own memey cat. Actually, there's an idea for a
site: lots of PDF diagrams that you can print
out and make - all being hats and ruffs for your
penis. We'd link to it anyway.
http://goo.gl/1LSZD
-------------------------------------------------
: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
Cuteroulette
Remember back to the heady days of 2010 and Chat
Roulette was the website that made people go OMG
PENISES ON THE INTERNET. Now imagine it again,
but with cute animals, most of them not showing
your their wank sticks.
http://www.cuteroulette.com
-------------------------------------------------
: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Animated GIFS with sound
>> Limmy <<
Scottish waster Dee Dee takes advantage of a
free bus ride to Yoker, in the most epic
adventure of his life. Lovely.
http://www.youtube.com/watch
>> I Threw It On The Ground <<
The Lonely Island know the best use for a
slow-motion camera - and that's to smash the
motherfucking system! This was the last thing on
Lulzsec's Twitter feed just before they got
busted in The Shetlands, fact fans.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/I_Threw_It_On_The_Ground...
>> Commuter slidey thing <<
Dear Boris, please can we have one of these
things to help get to the Underground platforms
quicker? Would be a good stunt for the Olympics.
Thanks.
http://bit.ly/nfff91
>> Jumping the level crossing barriers <<
Harking back to the days when YouTube was like
an uncensored You've Been Framed - numpty
leaps the barriers without even looking.
http://www.youtube.com/watch
>> Dancing zombie squid <<
What do you get when you cross sushi with
performance art? Suddenly not very hungry. FYI:
The twitching is most likely caused by the
sodium in the sauce causing muscles to activate.
If you cut off Ben Goldacre's penis and covered
in soy it would be weirdly similar.
http://goo.gl/1Hb3K
-------------------------------------------------
: FUNNY NAME CORNER
If you like this bit we hope you get AIDS
* SPAMOUNT - blamesable writes, "I am what is
known as a 'lurker' on this site, but am posting
this because I think you will appreciate it. I
live near a place called Spamount, which is bad
enough as it is, but some enterprising person
has with a mere stroke of a pen, made
something...wonderful..."
http://twitpic.com/5trdir
* THE UNICODE CHARACTER FOR DOG SHIT - U+1F4A9
apparently. Rejoice geeks.
http://goo.gl/0xdob
-------------------------------------------------
: CLUB 27
Poor old Amy
Club 27 is obvious hokum. Just pick a number and
celebs will have died at that age.
Club 32? Keith Moon. Mama Cass. Karen Carpenter.
John Bonham. PLUS Brian Epstein, Bruce Lee.
Club 33 - Jesus, Alexander the Great, Eva Peron,
one of the guys from Milli Vanilli.
Club 15: Anne Frank, er... stuck now.
-------------------------------------------------
: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Owls Challenge
Last week we thought it would be a hoot to
photoshop owls.
Your favourites included:
* BOAT - classic Edward Lear poem bought to life
in stunning detail (E_Dubya)
http://b3ta.com/board/10484696
* TASSLES - saucy owl strips for your pleasure
(rogan)
http://b3ta.com/board/10483162
* ORNITHOLOGY - all species of owl, explained
(Mantrid)
http://b3ta.com/board/10487354
All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/owls/
>> New challenge: Fake Adverts <<
This week's challenge is to create fake adverts,
for anything.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/fakeads/
-------------------------------------------------
: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.
* ASK B3TA: IMPORTANT HORSE QUESTION -
ChaRleyTroniC writes, 'My wife and I have always
thought "I love horses / Best of all the
animals" means that (a) I love horses, (b)
horses are the best of all the animals. My
little sister and her chap, though, think the
song is saying "I love horses best of all the
animals". That is, I love horses more than any
other animals. But they might not be objectively
the best." Hmm, we've always understood it as
the second one. We think your first
interpretation is weakened by it a missing
couple of words to make sense, "they're the".
Yes the songwriters might have missed them out,
but when you have to add words to make sense of
something that already makes sense without
adding the words... Well, you're over
complicating it.
* REMEMBER 8-BIT WATERSLIDE? - teaandcheese
writes, "It won us some dosh, which we spent
making 'Isaac and Quincy - The TV Show?' Then we
took it to Hollywood... and we were REJECTED by
every major TV network in the USA!!!"
http://goo.gl/9RTz2
-------------------------------------------------
: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* SHAZAM FOR PEOPLE - slocey asks, "Can someone
develop an app or similar that will tell you
whose voice you can hear on the radio, be it a
guest or presenter. A bit like Shazam but for
people rather than songs." We'd like this to
work on TV too, we're like old men shouting at
the telly, "Who the hell is this wazzock?"
* A PATCH FOR TWITTER - you know like a nicotine
patch for cigs, but for social networks.
* NATIONALISE MURDOCH - can try and run him for
the public good?
Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
-------------------------------------------------
Subscribe: [email protected]
Unsubscribe: [email protected]
-------------------------------------------------
THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by @danoliver, @weblivz,
@jamesecook, @estheraddley, @textfiles,
@simon_alexander, @johnsto, concurrency,
Dew & Stumplings, YourLocalGP, benjymous
Top Tippery by SonoraAeroClub. And Mrs B3ta (who
will fizz with anger at being called Mrs B3ta)
Additional linkage and image challenge by Fraser
Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Manic Street
Preachers once named an album Everything Must Go
( ). According to Wikipedia ( ) is
the emoticon for cyberhugs. Aww. Subjlols via
the wart.
-------------------------------------------------
TOP TIP:
Normal-sized mobile phones make ideal
'80s-style mobile phones for pixies, fairies,
goblins and elves...
REAL TOP TIP:
Tea-stained mugs? Put some clothes washing
powder in the cup, add hot water, leave
standing for 1hr. The stains will simply rub
off. This defo works; we just sorted out our
official b3ta tea set with it.
