NEWSLETTER: RIP OFFICE MILK
This Week:
* ANIM - Literal taken literally
* VID - Chatroulette Wrecking Ball
* CELEBS - with inverted eyes
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're enjoying
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | this format
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| ...together"
B3ta email 609 - 29 Nov 2013
Bleat this newsletter with an e-lamb:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue609
EVE : [email protected]
WoW : [email protected]
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: SPONSORED LINK
Writing movies for fun & profit
Two jobbing screenwriters tell you how to make a handsome living producing Hollywood schlock. It's nicely free of pretentiousness - probably because they wrote Herbie: Fully Loaded.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/143918676...
>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Literally, Chocolate and Doge
>> Literally <<
Sam Bailey receives poetic justice. Nice one, dogfood!
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Literally
>> Cursing Candy <<
"Hash tag n-n-n-nineteen," inexplicably begins leehardcastle, before making an animation of sweary chocolate wrappers. Slightly NSFW because of visible swears.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/CursingCandy_slightly_NS...
>> Doge Adventure <<
"Such animation," writes weebl. We like his style.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Doge_Adventure
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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Job Interview Disasters
Last week we wanted the things you'd said and
done in job interviews tha cost you the job:
http://b3ta.com/questions/jobinterviewdisasters/
* ASSAULT - "My first interview at 17, hoping to
become a draughtsman. I took along my pre-CAD
portfolio, which was a thick wad of drawings
rolled up in a plastic tube. As I entered the
building my interviewer, sitting at reception,
got up and proffered a sweaty mitt. There was a
step down to reception. Just one fucking step.
It was hard to miss. I missed it. My momentum
launched me forwards in a fucked-up stumbling
motion. The thick wad of drawings launched
themselves forwards from my tube as from a
rocket launcher. They whistled past my
interviewer, grazing his ear. He smiled
politely, pulled out a handkerchief and dabbed
at the blood now seeping from his lug-hole. We
carried on with the pointless interview." (jrd)
* FUCKING COLUMBO, ME - "I knew a girl who very
much wanted to join the Metropolitan Police. She
figured after a few years on the beat, she'd
like to get into serious investigation, maybe
become a detective. She was invited to interview
in London. She couldn't find the office. She
went home and never mentioned it again."
(SimianKid)
* RETARDIS - "Today I sent the interview panel a
message to say I was running 15 mins late.
Turned up for the interview 2 days early. Take
that spacetime." (andy blip)
>> This Week - SELF-INFLICTED INJURIES <<
Injured yourself in a moment of frustration?
Punched an Asda sign because they didn't have
tiger bread? Yeah, us too:
http://b3ta.com/questions/selfinflictedinjury/
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: BEST OF USVSTH£M
Top 3 best-performing items with stats
* NORTH-O-METER - Our scientific, 100%-accurate test will work out where in the country you belong. (4.5m uniques)
http://toys.usvsth3m.com/north-o-meter/
* CRAPPER MAPPER - the toilets of the world quiz (1.4m uniques)
http://toys.usvsth3m.com/crapper-mapper/
* AM I HATED BY THE DAILY MAIL? Ever wondered how you fit into the Daily Mail world-view? Find out with our simple test (1.3m uniques)
http://toys.usvsth3m.com/are-you-hated-by-the-dail...
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates
>> Cracking selection of cinematic gifs <<
Cinemagraphs are great big, beautiful GIFs with a very small element of animation. They are lovely.
http://all-that-is-interesting.com/cinemagraph-gif...
>> Celebrity faces with inverted eyes and mouths <<
Shouldn't be as funny as it is - come marvel at Reese Witherspoon's underbite!
http://www.freakingnews.com/Inverted-Celebrities-P...
>> JPMorgan's Twitter-based Q&A <<
Mega-evil finance corp decides to hold an open Q&A on Twitter - the results are predictable.
http://ronnierocket.com/2013/11/26/jpmorgan-on-twi...
>> Instagram dictators <<
Ever wondered what it would look like if all your favourite brutal dictators had Instagram? Wonder no more!
http://instagramology.ro/what-if-dictators-would-h...
>> Waiting In Line 3D <<
The most accurate three dimensional simulation of queueing yet conceived for the gaming medium
http://www.waitinginline3d.com/
>> Motherfucking website design <<
This long, sweary usability rant will make you reconsider your pretty-designy ways.
http://motherfuckingwebsite.com/
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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
>> Chat Roulette version of Wrecking Ball <<
Hilarious. The best parody we've seen so far although, like Get Lucky, we suspect this one will run and run.
http://youtu.be/W6DmHGYy_xk
>> Shakespearean actors recreate YouTube row <<
A comment section spat, vastly improved by the sonorous tones of fruity, old thesps.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/old_men_act_out_a_commen...
>> Musical Ruth - The Nun on a Piano <<
This is an act and a half, although people seem too terrified to actually get near.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Musical_Ruth_The_Nun_on_...
>> Knitted traffic light <<
Delightfully silly.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Traffic_Light
>> When game glitches go beautifully right <<
Game engine mishap from Assassin's Creed basically causes the Rapture.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/When_game_glitches_go_ri...
>> Salad Fingers! 10th birthday! <<
If you haven't heard of Salad Fingers now's your chance to catch up - it's the 10th anniversary of David Firth's unsettling animation stylings. Enjoy! http://www.b3ta.com/links/Salad_fingers_10th_birth...
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: FUNNY NAME CORNER
The Prince Albert on Bellenden Street
Google StreetView reveals a pub that "is packed full of loudly braying ignorant cunts who would benefit from a savage beating," according to pissflaps.
http://maps.gstatic.com/m/streetview/
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Past People Challenge
Last week we wanted you to imagine people from
the past doing their thing in the future
Your favourites included:
* SMILE: enigmatic Renaissance lady finds herself
in smug surroundings (Memaxx)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/11032034
* KETTLE: famed horsewoman joins ranks of
unclothed auction sellers (monkeon)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/11032997
* SHIRLEY: Halifax fatman causes Big Apple
skyscraper havoc (ferret)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/11032196
All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/past-people-today/
>> New challenge: Sell the Unsellable <<
Pick something that nobody wants and create an
advert for it. i.e. "Drowning - it's the only
way to go!" or "Give your car a unique design
with... RUST!" (Challenge suggested by The Silent
Channel)
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/sell-the-unsellable/
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.
>> NBC News interviewed me about Miley Cyrus today <<
Joel Veitch delights: "Miley had a giant lip-synching animated kitten behind her at the American Music Awards. I am now the go-to guy for Miley Cyrus commentary!"
http://www.nbcnews.com/technology/father-lip-synci...
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* LIONS
* GIRAFFES
* ZEBRA - this is because we're going on holiday to Kenya. Forget Norway!
Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
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Ups: [email protected]
Downs: [email protected]
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THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by stevierar,
evilengine, buffet_the_appetite_slayer,
bananaprince, HappyToast, skeltonator,
barryheadwound, 'comedy' account,
sinisterduck.
Image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
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TOP TIP:
Look here
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/toptips/
