NEWSLETTER: HAPPY BIRTHDAY WORLD TRADE CENTER
This Week:
* TV THEMES - Played live
* YOUR THEME - Of your life
* 2001 - Behind the scenes
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___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "Beans"
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B3ta email 626 - 4 Apr 2014
Eat this newsletter with fava beans:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue626
Up : [email protected]
Not up : [email protected]
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: SPONSORED LINK
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perfect item to compliment my Les Dennis
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http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B007M8L23...
>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
>> TV themes are actually played live <<
"You know them TV tunes off the telly," burbles
an excited ScintillateRich. "Turns out they are
played live!" This is lovely stuff -
particularly like the mounting tension as the
time approaches.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1157363
>> Piers Morgan says goodbye to America with a bang <<
"I think it's a bit of an unsuccessful
martyrdom," opines smearballs. "But the NRA
will be happy he's gone."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1158059
>> Using a leek as a stylus <<
"My trip to Asda is always improved by doing
this," offers stevierar. Has us wondering if
it's possible to operate a smartphone with a
spring onion.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1157693
>> Good jobs for flashers <<
"I've been messing around making gifs,"
scribbles feelwelcome, who has been coming up
with ways to rehabilitate flashers. Job idea
#1, airport greeter.
http://goodjobsforflashers.tumblr.com/
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: USVSTH3M STUFF
* What’s The Theme Tune Of Your Life? - It’s
the song that was #1 on your 14th birthday.
http://games.usvsth3m.com/the-theme-tune-of-your-l...
* How Fast Is Your Brain? - Can you answer the
comprehension questions correctly as you’re
forced to read faster & faster?
http://games.usvsth3m.com/how-fast-is-your-brain/
* Brian’s Brain presents WROD - Are these words
spelled correctly? The pressure is on!
http://games.usvsth3m.com/wrod/
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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Petty Officials
Last week we asked about your encounters with
idiotic officialdom. UK police wanting to stop
someone for not buying anything top the replies:
http://b3ta.com/questions/pettyofficials/
Here are three more international idiots:
* AMERICA - "5am call from our London office:
'We have a dangerously ill crew member on a
ship 150 miles offshore from you. Get him ashore
and into a hospital!' Not a normal part of my
job, but after a few phone calls the crew member
was flown directly to the roof of a hospital.
Where he was declared dead.
Since he was dying, the man had neglected to
bring his passport - a reckless oversight as
US Immigration determined that, since he was
declared dead after landing, he must have
entered the US alive and would have to have
his passport stamped before the body could be
released. His passport was on its way to North
Africa. Even though we got the diplomats
involved, Immigration would not budge. It took
three weeks to get it to Immigration and
release his body."
(LangdaleBeck)
* FRANCE - "A friend organised a 'clean up our
parks' initiative to round up a bunch of people
and spend the afternoon putting all the rubbish
they found in bags and disposing of it safely.
She contacted the local town hall who informed
her that she'd need a permit for more than 20
people. A permit cost money, needless to say.
"She'd also need her own insurance in case she
or any of her friends damaged the site; her
gut reaction was, 'We're going to pick up
rubbish; what the fuck are we supposed to be
damaging? Are you afraid we'll step on a blade
of grass and condemn it to a slow and painful
death?' In the end, the town hall staff
dragged their feet so much in giving her the
permit that she had to push back the date of
the event by a fortnight, after applying four
months in advance."
(Ghettoblaster Yetin)
* AUSTRALIA - "My neighbour moved from Belgium
to Australia. He had played football for his
town in Belgium: when he got to Australia he
also wanted to play for his local club there.
Before they allowed him to play he had to get
a document from Belgium to prove that he had
not played at an international level, had
received no pay for playing, and therefore was
not a threat to the Aussie football world.
"This document had to be translated by an
official translator and delivered to the
Aussie Football Association. All of this took
several months. My neighbour was 8 years old."
(Smale)
>> This Week - BIGGEST OPPORTUNITY I'VE BLOWN <<
Tell us about your big break, and how you messed
it up. Or make a sex-thing joke:
http://b3ta.com/questions/blownopportunities/
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates
>> Behind the scenes of 2001: A Space Odyssey <<
Fascinating glimpse of Stanley Kubrick at work.
"I still think they should have gone with the
working title '2001: Leonard Rossiter In
Space'" opines b3tan jonofthesouth.
http://imgur.com/a/DzXMR#0
>> Celebrities That Look Like Mattresses <<
First put together by someone calling
themselves the Walthamstow Tourist Board, this
is a lovely bit of work. Much, much better done
than it really had to be.
http://imgur.com/a/wFiGa#vNQ3btR
>> Those TFL etiquette posters made more honest <<
Directly calling someone a twat is far more
effective than whimsical poetry.
http://goo.gl/HLGcSD
>> How many are left of your first car? <<
Put in your first car (or any you like really)
and see how many are still going. "I'm a
slightly older b3tan than most," confesses
Blackdogmanguitar, "So my first car was a MK5
Cortina 2.0 GL. Apparently there are still 143
on the road."
http://www.howmanyleft.co.uk/
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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
>> GRAVITY - Alternate scene <<
This slightly different early scene would
http://www.b3ta.com/links/GRAVITY_Alternate_scene
>> The Wolf Of Buzzfeed <<
15 Reasons You'll Never Believe What This Video
Is Saying About Buzzfeed! Very nicely done Wolf
of Wall Street parody.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/The_Wolf_Of_Buzzfeed
>> Bucket loads of cunt! <<
Weather forecaster predicts "bucketloads of
cunt". Our best guess: a co-worker was mouthing
the word at him as he struggled with the
autoqueue.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Bucket_loads_of_cunt:2
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* Chinese pancakes sold separately from a duck.
You just can't get 'em.
* Baby dolphins - they are the new kittens,
only without any paws or fur.
* A lovely sunset, full of Sahara sand.
Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
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Yey: [email protected]
Nay: [email protected]
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THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by CH88,
and UltimateMonkey.
Image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
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TOP TIP:
How to find your mum's DJ name:
1. Take your mum's maiden name
2. Add the initials DJ to the beginning.
