NEWSLETTER: WIN A LEOPARD*!
This Week:
* DOUGLAS ADAMS - Final interview
* UKULELE Vs CAT - Who will win?
* FUNNY NAME CORNER - deluxe!
-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're shitting in
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | a bucket for the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| fuck of it"
B3ta email 641 - 17 Oct 2014
Read this issue using a periscope:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue641
Vote now : [email protected]
Spoil ballot : [email protected]
-------------------------------------------------
: SPONSORED LINK
Recommendation: Douglas Adams biography
We spied the new Douglas Adams biog, "Frood" in
Waterstones the other day, didn't pick it up as
1. It's huge and hardback
2. There was one 10 or so years ago that was a
bit dull.
Eventually we got round to getting it on Kindle
and it's EXCELLENT, deep information about his
career and unpublished work written by an
obsessive. You will not regret it.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00KMZNZP...
BTW: Here's our current theory: Hitchhikers
book 1: Guide was a benign futuristic font of
knowledge, by book 5? An evil shit. Douglas
Adams really DID predict the future.
-------------------------------------------------
: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Other than making lurve...
>> An overview of Sabrina the Teenage Witch <<
Ambegris writes, "My comics blog strays into
unexpected territory..."
http://the-slipper.blogspot.co.uk/2014/10/sabrina-...
>> Ancient Roman shit <<
Curis writes, "I found a fragment of Ancient
Roman stonework. The reconstructed image was
declared 100% accurate by archaeologists."
http://www.ninjabread.co.uk/ancient-roman-stonewor...
>> Nice song (sort of) <<
Tickle writes, "I made this good song and less
good video to go with it. there's tiny cameo by
jeremy the annoying horse to gooden it up a
bit."
https://www.youtube.com/watch
-------------------------------------------------
: USVSTH3M STUFF
The other 'b3ta-ish' project
* Around the World in 80 Million Clicks - Click
to help power our skyboat around the world!
He's at Greece right now again!
http://games.usvsth3m.com/around-the-world/
* Apple Watch Simulator - Open as many apps as
you can before the battery runs out
http://games.usvsth3m.com/apple-watch/
* How Old Is Your Hearing? - Find out the true
age of your poor, old lugholes!
http://games.usvsth3m.com/how-old-is-your-hearing/
* Working From Home Simulator - Can you
actually get any work done?
http://games.usvsth3m.com/choose-your-own/working-...
* "How Well Do You Know Me?" - Make a custom
quiz about the most important topic of all, you!
http://games.usvsth3m.com/how-well-do-you-know/
-------------------------------------------------
: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates
* 8 SIGNS HE'S CHEATING - amusing nonsense from
Clickhole, which deserves more attention than
you might initially think. The core joke is
mixing up modern clickbait with ancient
bollocks about looking for signs that aren't
really there.
But here's the thing, "does he/she fancy you?"
this theme is as old as time and your great
grandkids will still be looking for answers.
http://t.co/rd4k0Zj6l2
* BALL IN WATER - everything you know about how
to make things wobble on the internet needs to
relearned.
http://madebyevan.com/webgl-water/
* WHAT WAS ON TELLY THE DAY YOU WERE BORN -
stuff that's deffo more interesting than what
they broadcast now. *old people grumbling*
http://genome.ch.bbc.co.uk/
* SLITTERNS - kittens with sloth faces. We
reckon we could write a bot to make this shit
up.
http://slittens.tumblr.com/
* AUCTION SITE THAT SPECIALISES CRIMINAL
MEMORABILIA - drawings by serial killers etc,
it's genuinely sinister *gets out chequebook*
*explains to kids what a chequebook is*
http://www.supernaught.com/
* 28 PEOPLE HAVE BID ON THIS ROLF HARRIS
PAINTING OF A CAT - they probably should check
out the site we've mentioned above. Not that
http://goo.gl/jS8EoC
* 7 EXTRAORDINARY MOMENTS from Christian
computer games that’ll make you believe in God
OR damn your soul to eternal hellfire trying
http://goo.gl/LpLgvU
-------------------------------------------------
: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
Like TV but with more dust & spit on the screen
* ONE OF THOSE VIDEOS THAT'S BADLY SHOT, in the
dark, wrong aspect ratio but the last few
seconds make up for it. Much like our sex-life.
Or something.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/wait_for_it:44
* UKULELE SINGER VS CAT - we're betting you
hope the cat wins and you'd be entirely
correct. Although to make you feel bad, the
singer says, "If you're a miserable person who
only gets joy from bashing people with hateful
words while hiding behind a computer screen,
then by all means, use my video to make your
day!"
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Good_cat
* DIY EXCITING CAR NOISES - apparently the new
trick is to stick a bit of innertube on the
exhaust pipe. Exciting times.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Crazy_russian_bastards
* SHUT UP AND WATCH THIS - yes you, shut the
fuck up and use your eyes for some internet
madness. Your regret will be eternal.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/SHUT_UP_AND_WATCH_THIS
* ELECTROLUX HAVE LOST THEIR TINY MINDS - This
isn't the future of the kitchen, who wants
holographic fish? You want some fucking cheese!
http://s3-eu-west-1.amazonaws.com/elux/electrolux-...
* FINAL DOUGLAS ADAMS INTERVIEW - Ten days
before he died he said sadly, "You're going to
be seeing a lot more books over the next few
years." BTW: Been reading about Douglas Adams.
If you click his name on his old website, it's
a mailto link like he's still around * internet
unhappy face *
http://www.youtube.com/watch
* GLEN CAMPBELL SINGS HIS FINAL SONG - it's
called 'not going to miss you' and it's about
his dementia. Powerful, frightening stuff.
http://blog.thealzheimerssite.com/notgonnamissyou/
-------------------------------------------------
: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Triple entry - yay!
* BEST HAULAGE FIRM EVER? 'Hello, are you
Inter-Cox?' 'Yes, we are Inter-Cox'... (thanks
Haywood Manley)
http://en.inter-cox.com/
* FOOTBALL BOLLOCKS - chiptooth writes, "A
couple of years ago, I nominated footballer
Mario Gotze for Unfortunate Names Corner in the
Newsletter, as his name sounds like the way I
imagine goatse is pronounced.
He didn't make the
newsletter back then, maybe too obscure? Anyway,
I'd like to point out that he score the winning
goal in the World Cup final recently...." Oh ok
then.
* A WOMAN WHO MUST GET REALLY SICK OF THE JOKES
- suggested by reelix.
http://www.bizcommunity.com/Article/196/423/112719...
------------------------------------------------
: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the 'Useless Machines' challenge
Last week we asked you to invent gadgets that
achieve nothing at all.
Your favourites included:
* Cycle inflation: The failed attempt to
upgrade the penny farthing (monkeon)
http://b3ta.com/board/11104825
* Clegg in control: Political powerhouse
has a go (Fresh Water Mole)
http://b3ta.com/board/11105158
* Animal Vaccuum: solves the problem of
hairs around the house (Ya What?)
http://b3ta.com/board/11104819
All these images, and a couple more can be found
here:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/uselessmachines/
>> New challenge: Cakes in Films <<
This week we’re putting victoria sponges, choux
buns, battenburgs and even the controversial
Jaffa Cake in to the movies.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/cakefilms/
-------------------------------------------------
: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.
* ERRORS - rmwotherspoon writes, "Hi - you
mentioned a 'Black Seinfeld' sketch in your
newsletter. Have you any idea where I could
find this?" Sorry, we are idiots - we meant
Black Cosby Show:
https://www.youtube.com/watch
* AN APPEAL FOR HELP - johnny_commando writes,
"Being a typical internet user I have little
content to provide for your site... although I
did almost once finish a flash animation of a
drunk horse singing teenage kicks.
"Anyways, with your mighty internet powers, of
which I have been an avid onlooker for many,
many years, can you do anything to bring back
mingthemerciless.com?"
-------------------------------------------------
: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include:
* FOLDABLE SHOE - The person who patents a
decent foldable running shoe for stuffing in a
gym bag would end up very rich.
* A CURE FOR AIDS THAT WORKS AS A
SEXUALLY-TRANSMITTED DISEASE - meaning it's our
moral obligation to do the sex as much as
possible.
Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
-------------------------------------------------
Hits : [email protected]
Shits : [email protected]
-------------------------------------------------
Follow @b3ta on Twitter and become rich
and wildly successful:
https://twitter.com/b3ta
-------------------------------------------------
THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by tits,
jakedamusss, Tab Hunter, barst & Herb Alpert's
Taxi Driver.
Image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
-------------------------------------------------
: THOUGHT(S) FOR THE DAY
* I like big butts and I can not lie, much to
the irritation of my English teacher who
frowned on pupils starting sentences with a
conjunction
* In Wolfenstein 3D you get to kill Hitler.
Considering he killed himself - maybe whole
game is about YOU BEING HITLER?
-------------------------------------------------
TOP TIP:
Bored? Simply toss yourself off. (eViLegion)
Still bored? Play 'Crapper Mapper':
10 toilets from around the world. Where are
they from?
http://games.usvsth3m.com/crapper-mapper/
-------------------------------------------------
* Leopard may vary from illustration, contents
of leopard may settle during transit, your
leopard may be at risk if you do not keep up
payments.
