NEWSLETTER: TAX RETURN! NOW WE'VE GOT YOUR ATTENTION HERE'S SOME COOL INTERNET STUFF
This Week:
* DAILY MAIL - Most-hated comments, live!
* SPIROGRAPH - But all online and stuff
* FACEBOOK - Except if it was 1995
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____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're lowering your
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | IQ... together"
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B3ta email 650 - 23 Jan 2015
Read this issue whilst shouting "650!"
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue650
Sub : [email protected]
Snub : [email protected]
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: SPONSORED LINK
Big bastard penknife thing
Got about £1,000 spare? Then we've got the knife
for you. OK, maybe you don't actually want to
buy this but you're probably curious what kind
of penknife a grand gets you on Amazon. No?
Oh well, suit yourself.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B000R0JDS...
>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
>> What REALLY killed Google Glass... <<
"The sinister truth behind google's failed
wearable tech device," claims mertonmuffley. It
could all too easily be true...
http://www.b3ta.com/links/What_REALLY_killed_Googl...
>> Father Jack Vs UK politics <<
"I thought you might like this," offers David J
Heath. And, indeed, the drunken Irish priest of
legend might as well be reading out our
thoughts as we watch the news.
http://youtu.be/g4e3qdcoRhU
>> Daily Mail most-hated comments <<
A live feed of the online paper's MOST
downvoted comments. "I made this so the world
can keep tabs on the endless bile, insanity and
rage spewed out in the Mail Online comments
section every day," explains Jon. Thanks Jon!
http://dailymailcomments.com
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: USVSTH3M CORNER
You know, the day job
First two written by your Ginger Fuhrer, and the
third by B3tan old hand Matt Round.
* 16 creepy Craigslist ads offering free rooms
in exchange for... well, basically for sex.
http://usvsth3m.com/post/16-creepy-ads-from-people...
* Everything from Alan Moore's mind eventually
lands in the real world: Nick Griffin ripping
off 'V for Vendetta' logo - also Griffin accuses
Rob Manuel of being part of the 'Zonist media'
whatever that is.
http://goo.gl/KPWJF2
* NEW GAME: How fast can you read War and Peace?
Worth it for the page-bottom comments.
http://games.usvsth3m.com/war-and-peace/
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the 'Surveillance' challenge
Last week we asked for your images of state
funded, paranoia-inducing, rifling through our
bins and reading the post-it notes on our
fridge ways to “keep us safe”.
Your favourites included:
* Pigeon: The eye in the sky. (sheep)
http://b3ta.com/board/11129419
* Bond: Could you come with us please sir
(Flash_Bastard)
http://b3ta.com/board/11129137
* I-Spy: fun for all the nosy family of state
informers. (monkeon)
http://b3ta.com/board/11129714
All these images, and a load more can be found
here:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/surveillance/popular
>> New challenge: Comedy Crossover <<
This week we're swapping characters, places and
things between comedy films and tv shows. Delboy
falling through the Cheers bar, Herr Flick
asking for Pike's name, that sort of thing.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/comedycrossover
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates
* SURPRISING CURE FOR HICCUPS - an actual medical
paper suggests sticking a finger up your arse.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/2299306
* INTERACTIVE SPIROGRAPH - all the fun of
Christmas in the 1970s without getting a load of
ink on your dungarees.
http://nathanfriend.io/inspirograph/
* SHIT CHILDREN'S TOY KNOCK-OFFS - because
getting things a bit wrong is a comedy trope.
http://imgur.com/gallery/CXcZG
* DRAWINGS ON STARBUCKS LOGOS - probably because
it takes so bloody long to get served that people
need to do SOMETHING with their time.
http://sleevebucks.tumblr.com/
* UPSIDE-DOWN ICEBERG - did you know they
sometimes capsize? Pretty, but you won't be
laughing when it turns out it's a sign of
environmental Armageddon.
http://goo.gl/WpF91I
* HITLER LEGO - Telegraph trolling for traffic
by running a "story of Hitler made in Lego
school project". Photo 14 is Hitler suicide /
Blondi German Shepherd death scene.
http://t.co/e8vUEYeCsL
* ART CRIME - Police have arrested a bot for
buying drugs from the darknet in the name of
art.
http://t.co/u0v5xHhpcb
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: REMEMBER TO REGISTER TO VOTE
A public service broadcast
Sure, Russell Brand & Morrissey reckon voting is
supporting the system - but in a choice between
the lesser of two evils we'd choose less evil
because you'd get LESS EVIL.
https://t.co/YHwG5k6E1D
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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
You know, GIFS, with sound
* MORE SCIENCE FROM MEHDI - because, as we said
previously, getting things wrong is comedy gold.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/More_Science_from_Mehdi
* DILDO FACTORY - amusing song / video combo.
Song apparently from Scarface but we've never
seen that.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1267028/
* IF FACEBOOK EXISTED IN 1995 - funny. Actually
social networks sort of DID exist back then,
'poke' was 'finger' etc, but your mum wasn't on
it, unless she was doing a degree in Computer
Science - and, if she was, good luck to her!
http://www.b3ta.com/links/If_Facebook_existed_in_1...
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: FUNNY NAME CORNER
Wank mountain
thefernies writes, "I think you should place
this in the travel plus wanking section."
http://goo.gl/eZ66XP
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: BEST MOVIE STRAPLLINE
We asked for suggestions and...
Bravenewmalden writes, "It's got to be 'Take the
stairs, take the stairs, for God's sake take the
stairs!!!'"
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0087622/
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* COMPREHENSION DICTIONARY - like an ordinary
online dictionary but every word is fed through a
quiz engine to rank the percentage of people who
understand the meaning. E.g. Sausages 98%
comprehension.
* HMRC BOT - that makes people leave Twitter
by reminding them they haven't sorted their tax
out.
* A CURE FOR A SPLIT LIP - your writer here is
in considerable pain!
Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
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JOIN US: [email protected]
LEAVE US: [email protected]
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: FOLLOW @B3TA ON TWITTER
Because it's nearly the new millennium!
https://twitter.com/b3ta
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THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
Stevenson. Stuff sent in by moogthedog
zacherynuk Fadgebadger RompaStompa The Tramp
Surveyor username failed moderation &
zacherynuk. Image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Top tip via Vice
Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush.
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TOP TIP:
Avoid confusion over whether to use "a" or "an"
before words like "historic" or acronyms like
HTML, by always adding the word "fucking" after
the indefinite article. "This is a fucking
historic occasion". "I need a fucking HTML
expert".
