NEWSLETTER: "IN NICE WITH HIS TROTTERS UP, YEAH?"
This Week:
* VIDEO - Mini foghorn doc
* CAUSING TROUBLE - Is there equality on Twitter?
* IMAGE CHALLENGE - Football
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're shitting the
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | bed... together"
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B3ta email 683 - 29th June 2018
Read this issue in another desktop window:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue683
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Hello! Yes it's a B3ta newsletter, sorry for
missing last week but your editor got locked out
his flat and then sunburnt. That's just how life
is in the cutthroat email newsletter world.
Anyway, we've got a busy newsletter for you this
week, so hold on your "Make B3ta Great Again"
hats and settle in for some linky action.
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: SHORT FOGHORN DOC
"Insert noise that sounds like a foghorn here"
RompaStompa has made a short film about a using
a foghorn and it's extremely loud and extremely
satisfying.
https://www.b3ta.com/links/Foghorn
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: GENDER CODE
Who do people listen to?
We're working some code you can point at any
Twitter account and it does a rough analysis of
how many men / women they follow. It's probably
a bit problematic and would cause rows, but
here's what we've learnt so far:
NEWSPAPERS:
@guardian listens to 65% men and 35% women
@Telegraph listens to 66% men and 34% women
@thetimes listens to 70% men and 30% women
@TheSun listens to 70% men and 30% women
@theeconomist listens to 91% men and 9% women
POLITICS:
@ukip listens to 72% men and 28% women
@Conservatives listens to 70% men and 30% women
@TheSNP listens to 60% men and 40% women
@LibDems listens to 58% men and 42% women
@labour listens to 56% men and 44% women
@TheGreenParty listens to 54% men and 46% women
POP MUSIC:
@GaryBarlow listens to 15% men and 85% women
@robbiewilliams listens to 78% men and 22% women
Gary is woke, Robbie's all blokes.
We're turning this into a bot... it's not quite
ready yet, but you can pre-follow at:
https://twitter.com/whotheylistento
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: TROUSERS TROUSERS TROUSERS TROUSERS TROUSERS
Sponsored patreon
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BTW: Trousers.
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Create your "right-wing commuter village name" by
adding your favourite Britpop band to your
favourite 1970/80s TV presenter.
Suede Madeley
Ash Lynam
Lush Craven
Longpig Chegwin
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: TWO FROM SWEDEMASON
Mash-up king mashes stuff up for YOU
For our money Swede is the best mashup artist
around and we do use the word artist - he puts
so much thought and creativity into his work,
and we find him genuinely inspiring. Here's two
we missed featuring due to our rather sporadic
gaps in newslettering over the last few years:
Mumm-ra does Old Dirty Bastard:
https://www.b3ta.com/links/Shimmy_Shimmy_Mumm_Ra
And this bit of Arnold Schwarzenegger shouting about carpets.
https://www.b3ta.com/links/Back_to_the_Carpet
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You can tell how terrible the readers of a print
publication are by the intensity of ads for
watches, cars and foreign property investment.
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: FENTON DEATH METAL
A blast up your woofer from the doggy past
From the memes-you've-almost-forgotten drawer
comes this from the charmingly named 'wankdog'
who writes: "I put Fenton vid over some death
metal." It works too - also don't you think
with all this World Cup on, when the commenters
get excited and think someone is about to score
and they shout the player's name it's all a bit
"FENTON!"?
https://www.b3ta.com/links/Fenton_Death_Metal
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Billy Joel reckons "we didn't start the fire,"
but if you remove the water from urine you are
left with the flame-encouraging sodium nitrate,
so it's entirely possible that the fire was
started by wee.
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: DIY MAYPOLE TREE
Because art is what you make it
Wilow1 has been running around town and making
street furniture into maypoles with the
application of ribbons - then trying to get
people to dance with him. You secretly wish you
did stuff like this.
https://antonhechtresearch.wordpress.com/a-maypole...
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: IF YOU NEED PR THEN CALL ED, OK?
Sponsored patreon
Ed Zitron = PR. Ed Zitron = PR. Ed Zitron = PR.
Ed Zitron = PR. Ed Zitron = PR. Ed Zitron = PR.
Ed Zitron = PR. Ed Zitron = PR.
https://twitter.com/edzitron
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DID YOU KNOW: Superman wouldn't need to leave bed
for a piss as he could just lay on his back and
wee into the air, and train his eye lasers onto
the urine stream and turn it into vapour before
it landed on his leg or stomach.
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: HEADLINE OF THE WEEK
"Dead Rat At The Hipster Bakery"
Loving this headline on this court news story
although can't decide whether it should be a
UB40 comeback single or a new Fall track.
http://courtnewsuk.co.uk/dead-rat-at-the-hipster-b...
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Nick Mason has a 3 LP box set of his solo
material out. If you’re considering buying a box
set of material from Pink Floyd's drummer, you
have too much money and should voluntarily up
your personal tax rate.
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: KINKS REFORMING
Old men rejoice
In news that's sent men of a certain age
scuttling to their mancaves to listen to their
C90s, we're happy to report that North London's
finest are reforming and doing a new LP.
Actually we couldn't give a shit about a new
LP, but we are excited by the idea of them
doing some serious promo. Genuinely hope that
James Corden (shut up haters) takes Ray on a
little car drive around Muswell Hill, and the
BBC do a Genesis-style reunion doc where they
put the band in the same room and interview
them together for maximum friction.
This is the joy of old bands - the friction
between them is hugely relatable as, like us
all, they are stuck with these people like
members of family. And unlike Chas and Dave,
Ray and Dave ARE actual family.
And to warm you up, this Channel 4 interview
with Ray is OK - although a bit unsettling as
he keeps staring directly at the camera.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
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: EVERYTHING IS A FALL TRACK
Even every page on Wikipedia
Did you know that if you press the 'random
page' button on Wikipedia almost any of them
could be Fall songs?
The Griswolds
Mentai Rock
Donna Caponi
Tramlink route 5
Netherlands national football team 1995
William Leonard Marshall
Airbus A321
Hombres a precio
Shaft voltage
List of place names of Spanish origin in the
United States
Try it for yourself at:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
Actually, maybe the challenge is finding ANY
source of arbitrary text that COULDN'T be a
Fall track.
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: COCK AND BALLS CORNER
Cataloging everything that looks like genitals
"Whilst I'm sure this microphone gives a
superior sound, I for one shall not be
purchasing it, due to it's curious shape,"
informs RompaStompa. However, we've bought two.
http://www.sanken-mic.com/en/qanda/index.cfm/18.58
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Not wearing briefs, or smelling of beefs
* RETRO COMPUTER NERD TV - You can now watch
all 146 original TV programmes and run 161
computer programs from the 1980s BBC Computer
Literacy Project. Oh man, this is heaven.
http://bit.ly/CLPArchive
* WHY YOU SHOULD BUY ALL THE DOMAIN NAMES - lol
at someone doing this to Donald Trump's shitty
hotel chain.
http://www.trumphotels.org/
* DANNY DYER - you've probably watched Danny
Dyer doing his Brexit talk by now but wow is he
good. Always used to find Danny annoying but
something has happened in the last year or two
and he's worn us down with his act, and now
it's just hilarious. The comic timing of the
final "twat" should be studied if you want to
know a thing or two about being funny.
https://twitter.com/cjsnowdon/status/1012439971188...
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
"Football"
Apparently there's a World Cup on so go and
photoshop some football and show the world
B3ta's deep understanding of sport.
https://www.b3ta.com/challenge/football/popular/
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: FOLLOW-UPS ON PREVIOUS SHIT
Like we're a newspaper or something
* CYRIAK FUNDED - pleased to report that the
internet's best animator has got his book
funded by Unbound. How the funding works it
that pays for the production, so any money you
chuck at him now is profit. So go chuck some
money:
https://unbound.com/books/horse-destroys-the-unive...
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: THANKS
Sweeplovesfisting, Wil, Cr3, Kris.
Subjlols via @Ben_Winkley & obviously @MrDDyer.
Proofing from @simonmacmichael.
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: PATREON THANKS
* JOSH MCMILLAN, * AARON HOLMES, * TOM JENKINS
BATES, * JON GRANT, * SHOWRAT , * SIMON JAMES, *
TREVOR BURTON-MCCREADIE, * MR PHIL DONNELLY, *
KATE , * JAMES PETTS, * STEWART NOLAN, * MARK
MCCREADIE, * ALEX MORRIS, * JAMES O'BRIEN.
GEORGE STEPHENSON, NAT KING COLESLAW, ANDREW
WREN, JAMES CRONIN, ALISTAIR , IAN SHEEN, NEIL
HEPBURN, MARK ADAMSON, ANDREW FLEMING, ALAN
CHARLTON, SPAZZCAPTAIN , WENDY GOODE, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, CHRIS BLAKENEY, BEVAN JOHNSON, CRISS
MORENO, JO APPS, CHRIS LOCKE, ALBERT MARSHMALLOW,
GREG MCGOWAN, RICHARD BARCLAY, PATRICK CATES,
24-7 DEATH, TOM WRIGHT, JON BINSTEAD, SIMON
NICHOLLS, CHRIS CARLINE, BRIAN EELES, MICHAEL
TRINDER.
Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, lee burnett, Peter Cooper,
Chris Saunders, Mike Middleton, Richard Matthias,
AuntieSash Hazlewood, Jonathan Ferguson, Brad
Gregory, Graham Licence, Paul Rose (Mr Biffo), Ed
Can Do, C Bond, Fergus McKay, Steve herman, Alex
Walsh Atkins, Mick Curtis, Craig Turner, Joshua
Thomasson, Dog Byte, Fearghas , unklefiction ,
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No Reward), Nick Morgan, Rog Sharples, Ben Brice,
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And remember. Art is what's left when you take
the hedgehog away.
