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NEWSLETTER: "IN NICE WITH HIS TROTTERS UP, YEAH?"

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This Week:
* VIDEO - Mini foghorn doc
* CAUSING TROUBLE - Is there equality on Twitter?
* IMAGE CHALLENGE - Football

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're shitting the 
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   bed... together"
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|   

B3ta email 683  - 29th June 2018

Read this issue in another desktop window:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue683

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Hello! Yes it's a B3ta newsletter, sorry for
missing last week but your editor got locked out
his flat and then sunburnt. That's just how life
is in the cutthroat email newsletter world.
Anyway, we've got a busy newsletter for you this
week, so hold on your "Make B3ta Great Again"
hats and settle in for some linky action.

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: SHORT FOGHORN DOC
  "Insert noise that sounds like a foghorn here"

  RompaStompa has made a short film about a using
  a foghorn and it's extremely loud and extremely
  satisfying.
https://www.b3ta.com/links/Foghorn

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: GENDER CODE
  Who do people listen to?

  We're working some code you can point at any
  Twitter account and it does a rough analysis of
  how many men / women they follow. It's probably
  a bit problematic and would cause rows, but
  here's what we've learnt so far:

  NEWSPAPERS:

  @guardian listens to 65% men and 35% women
  @Telegraph listens to 66% men and 34% women
  @thetimes listens to 70% men and 30% women
  @TheSun listens to 70% men and 30% women
  @theeconomist listens to 91% men and 9% women

  POLITICS:

  @ukip listens to 72% men and 28% women
  @Conservatives listens to 70% men and 30% women
  @TheSNP listens to 60% men and 40% women
  @LibDems listens to 58% men and 42% women
  @labour listens to 56% men and 44% women
  @TheGreenParty listens to 54% men and 46% women

  POP MUSIC:

  @GaryBarlow listens to 15% men and 85% women 
  @robbiewilliams listens to 78% men and 22% women

  Gary is woke, Robbie's all blokes.

  We're turning this into a bot... it's not quite
  ready yet, but you can pre-follow at:
https://twitter.com/whotheylistento

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: TROUSERS TROUSERS TROUSERS TROUSERS TROUSERS
  Sponsored patreon

  Trousers. Trousers. Trousers. Trousers.
  Trousers. Trousers. Trousers. Trousers.
  Trousers. Trousers. Trousers. Trousers. 
https://hebtro.co/

  BTW: Trousers.


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Create your "right-wing commuter village name" by
adding your favourite Britpop band to your
favourite 1970/80s TV presenter.

Suede Madeley
Ash Lynam
Lush Craven
Longpig Chegwin

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: TWO FROM SWEDEMASON
  Mash-up king mashes stuff up for YOU

  For our money Swede is the best mashup artist
  around and we do use the word artist - he puts
  so much thought and creativity into his work,
  and we find him genuinely inspiring. Here's two
  we missed featuring due to our rather sporadic
  gaps in newslettering over the last few years:

  Mumm-ra does Old Dirty Bastard:
https://www.b3ta.com/links/Shimmy_Shimmy_Mumm_Ra

  And this bit of Arnold Schwarzenegger shouting about carpets.
https://www.b3ta.com/links/Back_to_the_Carpet

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You can tell how terrible the readers of a print
publication are by the intensity of ads for
watches, cars and foreign property investment.

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: FENTON DEATH METAL
  A blast up your woofer from the doggy past 
  
  From the memes-you've-almost-forgotten drawer
  comes this from the charmingly named 'wankdog'
  who writes: "I put Fenton vid over some death
  metal." It works too - also don't you think
  with all this World Cup on, when the commenters
  get excited and think someone is about to score
  and they shout the player's name it's all a bit
  "FENTON!"?
https://www.b3ta.com/links/Fenton_Death_Metal

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Billy Joel reckons "we didn't start the fire,"
but if you remove the water from urine you are
left with the flame-encouraging sodium nitrate,
so it's entirely possible that the fire was
started by wee.

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: DIY MAYPOLE TREE
  Because art is what you make it

  Wilow1 has been running around town and making
  street furniture into maypoles with the
  application of ribbons - then trying to get
  people to dance with him. You secretly wish you
  did stuff like this.
https://antonhechtresearch.wordpress.com/a-maypole-gif-tree/

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: IF YOU NEED PR THEN CALL ED, OK?
  Sponsored patreon

  Ed Zitron = PR. Ed Zitron = PR. Ed Zitron = PR.
  Ed Zitron = PR. Ed Zitron = PR. Ed Zitron = PR.
  Ed Zitron = PR. Ed Zitron = PR. 
https://twitter.com/edzitron

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DID YOU KNOW: Superman wouldn't need to leave bed
for a piss as he could just lay on his back and
wee into the air, and train his eye lasers onto
the urine stream and turn it into vapour before
it landed on his leg or stomach.

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: HEADLINE OF THE WEEK
  "Dead Rat At The Hipster Bakery"

  Loving this headline on this court news story
  although can't decide whether it should be a
  UB40 comeback single or a new Fall track.
http://courtnewsuk.co.uk/dead-rat-at-the-hipster-bakery/

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Nick Mason has a 3 LP box set of his solo
material out. If you’re considering buying a box
set of material from Pink Floyd's drummer, you
have too much money and should voluntarily up
your personal tax rate.

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: KINKS REFORMING
  Old men rejoice

  In news that's sent men of a certain age
  scuttling to their mancaves to listen to their
  C90s, we're happy to report that North London's
  finest are reforming and doing a new LP.
  Actually we couldn't give a shit about a new
  LP, but we are excited by the idea of them
  doing some serious promo. Genuinely hope that
  James Corden (shut up haters) takes Ray on a
  little car drive around Muswell Hill, and the
  BBC do a Genesis-style reunion doc where they
  put the band in the same room and interview
  them together for maximum friction.

  This is the joy of old bands - the friction
  between them is hugely relatable as, like us
  all, they are stuck with these people like
  members of family. And unlike Chas and Dave,
  Ray and Dave ARE actual family.

  And to warm you up, this Channel 4 interview
  with Ray is OK - although a bit unsettling as
  he keeps staring directly at the camera.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGrEV4pA4ow


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: EVERYTHING IS A FALL TRACK
  Even every page on Wikipedia

  Did you know that if you press the 'random
  page' button on Wikipedia almost any of them
  could be Fall songs?

  The Griswolds
  Mentai Rock
  Donna Caponi
  Tramlink route 5
  Netherlands national football team 1995
  William Leonard Marshall
  Airbus A321
  Hombres a precio
  Shaft voltage
  List of place names of Spanish origin in the
    United States

  Try it for yourself at:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random

  Actually, maybe the challenge is finding ANY
  source of arbitrary text that COULDN'T be a
  Fall track.

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: COCK AND BALLS CORNER
  Cataloging everything that looks like genitals

  "Whilst I'm sure this microphone gives a
  superior sound, I for one shall not be
  purchasing it, due to it's curious shape,"
  informs RompaStompa. However, we've bought two.
http://www.sanken-mic.com/en/qanda/index.cfm/18.58


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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Not wearing briefs, or smelling of beefs

  * RETRO COMPUTER NERD TV - You can now watch
  all 146 original TV programmes and run 161
  computer programs from the 1980s BBC Computer
  Literacy Project. Oh man, this is heaven.
http://bit.ly/CLPArchive  


  * WHY YOU SHOULD BUY ALL THE DOMAIN NAMES - lol
  at someone doing this to Donald Trump's shitty
  hotel chain. 
http://www.trumphotels.org/


  * DANNY DYER - you've probably watched Danny
  Dyer doing his Brexit talk by now but wow is he
  good. Always used to find Danny annoying but
  something has happened in the last year or two
  and he's worn us down with his act, and now
  it's just hilarious. The comic timing of the
  final "twat" should be studied if you want to
  know a thing or two about being funny.
https://twitter.com/cjsnowdon/status/1012439971188310017


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  "Football"

  Apparently there's a World Cup on so go and
  photoshop some football and show the world
  B3ta's deep understanding of sport.
https://www.b3ta.com/challenge/football/popular/


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: FOLLOW-UPS ON PREVIOUS SHIT
  Like we're a newspaper or something

  * CYRIAK FUNDED - pleased to report that the
  internet's best animator has got his book
  funded by Unbound. How the funding works it
  that pays for the production, so any money you
  chuck at him now is profit. So go chuck some
  money:
https://unbound.com/books/horse-destroys-the-universe/


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: THANKS

  Sweeplovesfisting, Wil, Cr3, Kris.
  Subjlols via @Ben_Winkley & obviously @MrDDyer.
  Proofing from @simonmacmichael.

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: PATREON THANKS

* JOSH MCMILLAN, * AARON HOLMES, * TOM JENKINS
BATES, * JON GRANT, * SHOWRAT , * SIMON JAMES, *
TREVOR BURTON-MCCREADIE, * MR PHIL DONNELLY, *
KATE , * JAMES PETTS, * STEWART NOLAN, * MARK
MCCREADIE, * ALEX MORRIS, * JAMES O'BRIEN.

GEORGE STEPHENSON, NAT KING COLESLAW, ANDREW
WREN, JAMES CRONIN, ALISTAIR , IAN SHEEN, NEIL
HEPBURN, MARK ADAMSON, ANDREW FLEMING, ALAN
CHARLTON, SPAZZCAPTAIN , WENDY GOODE, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, CHRIS BLAKENEY, BEVAN JOHNSON, CRISS
MORENO, JO APPS, CHRIS LOCKE, ALBERT MARSHMALLOW,
GREG MCGOWAN, RICHARD BARCLAY, PATRICK CATES,
24-7 DEATH, TOM WRIGHT, JON BINSTEAD, SIMON
NICHOLLS, CHRIS CARLINE, BRIAN EELES, MICHAEL
TRINDER.

Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, lee burnett, Peter Cooper,
Chris Saunders, Mike Middleton, Richard Matthias,
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