NEWSLETTER: "ED MILLIBAND'S COALITION OF CHAOS SOUNDS PRETTY GOOD RIGHT ABOUT NOW"
This Week:
* PHOTOS - Of stuff dumped by a wall
* IMAGE CHALLENGE - Kubrick's The Shining
* ASHENS - Make his Hollywood dream come true
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We saved the web so that
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | people can use it to
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| download owl porn"
B3ta email 685 - 14th July 2018
Read this issue after ingesting delicious novichok
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue685
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: ASHENS CROWDFUNDING NEW MOVIE
Dig deep rich B3tans, dig deep
King of retro technology and brown sofas,
Stuart Ashen, is crowdfunding "a comedy heist
movie where I must steal the most infamous
video game of all: Polybius."
We got in touch and said "Stu. Give us some
quotes" and he gave us three:
* "It's going to be like those films you enjoy,
except funnier."
* "We're turning the heist genre on its head
and inserting a rectal thermometer."
* "We're going to ask Rob Manuel to be in it
again, and we hope he agrees."
Make sure you chunk in some cash so Stu can do
afford to do more of the set-piece stuff he
plans:
https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/ashens-and-the-...#/
BTW: It's actually quite interesting to dig
into the history of the urban legend Polybius -
it's all alleged CIA stuff where they
supposedly stuck a game into a few arcades,
either to recruit super agents or for mind
control reasons. Obviously all bollocks but fun
bollocks.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polybius_(urban_legend)
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If there's something strange in your
neighbourhood. Who you gonna call?
THE COUNCIL
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: CYRIAK MAKES NEW ANIMATION
That'll probably make you shit yourself
Not content simply with writing horse books,
Cyriak is back with a new creepy animation, as
posted on our links board under the name
"Mutated Monty" because B3ta still uses weird
internet names instead of this modern trend of
demanding everyone not be called
'sputzy-trousers2'.
https://www.b3ta.com/links/Indigestion
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The Cure being good entirely lines up with
Thatcher being Prime Minister
• Three Imaginary Boys LP / Thatcher in: May 1979
• Mixed-up / Thatcher out: Nov 1990
Not sure what you should do with this
information. Sorry.
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: CREEPY UPPY
Kick Donald in the head
You might remember Matt Round from projects
like "Serial Killer or Programmer" and he
writes "It's been all "World Cup footyball's
coming home!" recently & now the awful orange
racist's has arrived, so naturally I've made a
game where you kick him in the head.
Repeatedly." Fine work Matt.
https://theovertake.com/stuff/creepy-uppy/
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: POINT YOUR BROWSER AT THESE TROUSERS
P-p-p-p pick up a sponsored p-p-p-p-patreon
Imagine you're naked. You'd probably want to
put some trousers on wouldn't you? Then put
these on, you nude idiot.
https://hebtro.co/
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If there's something weird and it don't look
good. Who you gonna call?
THE POLICE
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: LITTER WATCH
Photos of stuff dumped by a wall
"Big news everyone!" writes Dannyl Harle, "My
Mum has an Instagram where she regularly posts
images of the wide variety of rubbish people
leave on the small wall outside her house. It
started as a project to send to the council but
has now spiralled into micro-phenomenon."
https://www.instagram.com/juliajaneeisner/
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An anecdote told to us by a Mirror journalist was
that when Piers Morgan was editor and 9/11
happened a load of staff stood at the window in
One Canada Sq looking for planes and Piers told
them to move because he was worried it would make
the building topple over.
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: ENGLAND'S OTHER WORLD CUP GLORY
Remember when football came home in the 80s?
Ambegris has been researching the other time
England won the world cup - unexpectedly in
1986. Yes, totally true, if you believe
cartoons are real. And we do.
https://the-slipper.blogspot.com/2014/07/englands-...
BTW: Here's a fact. "Football's Coming Home"
was the slogan of Euro 96 before it was the
Lightning Seeds song. Actually it read
"Football's Come Home" referring to the fact
the games were played in England. That simple
change from "come" to "coming" added much of
the magic to the phrase. It made it the dream.
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If you're seeing things running through your
head? Who you gonna call?
NHS HOTLINE
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: INTERVIEW WITH A B3TAN WITH CANCER
A bit of a change of tone here...
Karamoon writes "I think B3tan readers will
enjoy this radio interview. I'm dying of cancer
(at 38!) and was interviewed by a New York
radio station about it. I managed to use the
phrase 'bittorrent fairy'... And the radio
station was kind enough to end the interview
with Hey Hey 16k.
"A bunch of B3tans and B3ta readers have been
massively supportive of me since my terminal
cancer diagnosis. For example Ashens got
involved with a retro geek comedy night at the
Cambridge Computer Museum to raise money for my
immunotherapy. Leila and Roo from the Shift Run
Stop podcast have helped me out too, as have
Eben and Liz Upton from Raspberry Pi."
Good luck dude. We're all thinking of you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
The Shining Vs the B3tans
If you're sick of the Donald Trump and football
not coming home, then come and photoshop The
Shining. We've done many movie challenges and
we thought it would be interesting to go deep
on one specific movie, and there's few more
iconic that Stanley Kubrick's The Shining.
https://www.b3ta.com/challenge/TheShining/popular/
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An invisible man. Sleepin' in your bed. Who you
gonna call?
RELATE
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: IF YOU NEED PR THEN CALL ED, OK?
Sponsored patreon
Ed Zitron = PR. Ed Zitron = PR. Ed Zitron = PR.
Ed Zitron = PR. Ed Zitron = PR. Ed Zitron = PR.
Ed Zitron = PR. Ed Zitron = PR.
https://twitter.com/edzitron
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: SITES IN BRIEFS
Stuff made by our mortal enemies that's good
* CREEPY SERVICE FOR CREEPS - retargeting ads
in your partners browser to make them want more
sex. Not quite sure if this is a gag or not -
but it's grim either way.
https://www.thespinner.net/
* NERD CROSS STITCH - the lovely, old Mac
interface done in stitches because pixels and
stitches are basically the same thing.
https://twitter.com/glenda_atom/status/10160851390...
* STEWART LEE DUMPING MORRISSEY - Stew's Mozza
article is excellent and we also like that he's
clearly written it exactly like how we write
stuff: get the shape of a joke and go "needs
overly specific and obscure detail here - best
crib Wikipedia page on Walruses"
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/jul...
* WONDERING WHAT THE DOOM MODDING COMMUNITY ARE
UP TO? They're making wonderful Seinfeld mods.
Joyous.
https://twitter.com/ultrabrilliant/status/10173281...
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: STILL BANGING ON ABOUT GOATSE CORNER
The butt meme that'll never die
Matt Round writes, "In case you're still
covering goatses in the newsletter and didn't
see this..."
https://twitter.com/Manglewood/status/101720604818...
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make some some shit. Post it to us.
* STILL INTERESTED IN MOVIE RECOMMENDATIONS -
quite fancy something that tells you what was
on in your local cinema in 1986 so you can then
bittorrent from that. Infinite choice is
paralysing.
* THE ABOVE BUT FOR MUSIC - Spotify but that
only gives you the new releases from July 1986.
* AND OTHER IDEAS WE DON'T HAVE THE BUDGET FOR
LIKE... Pokémon Go mechanic would work well
for the Ghostbusters franchise. Your whole area
haunted, you bustin' ghosts everywhere
TELL US NOW YOU FUCKS:
https://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
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: THANKS
Wil, Cr3, Kris, Matt Round. Subjlols via
Barbarossa. Proofing by @fatherjack.
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: PATREON THANKS
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I love all ethernet cables, especially when I see
one that is very, very old. I always wonder how
it survived, and what it has seen in its life. I wish
the ethernet cable could whisper to me all it
knows. (@yokoonobot)
