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NEWSLETTER: "WE HOPE DRY WANKUARY ISN'T MAKING YOU TOO CHAFED!"

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This Week:
* SWEARS - 750+ of them written by YOU
* GODLEY + CREME - Fucked up by AI
* CONTENT - to appeal to Generation Z (hashtag fibs)

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're hoping that
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   the world isn't 
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|    shit ... together"

B3ta email 736 - 06 Jan 2020

Read this issue whilst farting the national anthem:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue736

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS WEEK #1
  Other than sicking up old mince pies

  >> Sgt Pepper 2019 final update <<
  Chris Barker has been murdering people all year
  and recording the results in his annual Sgt.
  Pepper death pic. Keep killing them Chris, we
  need the content.
https://twitter.com/christhebarker/status/1212721699562696704

  >> Godley & Creme's Cry, but older <<
  Shardcore writes, "I ran Godley & Creme's
  seminal 1985 video through a StyleGAN." This is
  a bit weird to watch - everyone spontaneously
  gets glasses. Still, love the song.
http://www.shardcore.org/shardpress2019/2020/01/01/cry-but-everyones-a-bit-older/

  >> Attenborough made of animals <<
  "I drew a few animals and stuck them together."
  writes Q4nobody. Nice. Hopefully won't be a
  2020 entry to Chris Barker's murder catalogue.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sjid90677tc

  >> Things that look like other things <<
  "Been collating a thread of pictures for the
  dirty mind on Twitter" writes i124nk8. Good for
  you mate. Nice to have a hobby.
https://twitter.com/i124nk8/status/1203292726525120513

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"Happy Ex-mas!" You can have this text message
for free if you wish to dump anyone next
Christmas.

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA TWITTER BOT STUFF
  Contribute and join in 

  >> 750+ user submitted swears <<
  Our Twitter account @Swearclock needs you help
  and some new swears for 2020. Read the
  submissions so far here - there's also a link
  to add your own. Please help. We need your foul
  language.
http://bit.ly/swearclock

  >> Real time 1980s charts <<
  Bot Of The Pops isn't the bot we've promoted
  the most but it's fun - it does the charts from
  the 1980s in real time -  the complete top 40
  spread over a week - and with the start of the
  new year it's switched over from 1989 to 1980.
  Do follow. https://twitter.com/botofthepops

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The New Year does not start until February 1st.
Stop celebrating early you idiots.

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
  Some sort of stuff made by not b3tans

  >> AI Generated Text Adventure <<
  Sn0tters writes, "I have no idea how this works
  but it's really like being in a dream." We
  managed to make this spit out quite sexy porn
  very quickly, which is exactly what we do the
  odd time we lucid dream too. 
https://play.aidungeon.io/ 

  >>  "Hey Siri! Have a stroke" <<
  Turns out that setting your name to a hot mess
  creates some cheap lols out of Apple's finest.
http://b3ta.com/links/1530943 

  >> UUU EEE U. UUU U UUU UUU EEEU UU. UUU YY <<
  What if you made a video ONLY out of the er
  bits you might normally chop out? Well, you've
  made art that's what.
https://b3ta.com/links/EEEEEEE

  >> Shania Twain interactive <<
  We think it's mostly the shit MIDI we enjoyed
  about this. <bgsound> used to always cheer up
  the web. Thanks a lot for getting rid of it,
  web-Hitler, Tim Berners-Lee.
https://profaniti.itch.io/shania-twine

  >> Number game<<
  This game has a nice 2048 feel to it. Although
  we are shit at it.
https://gridentify.com

  >> ZX Spectrum:  Super Enquiry Simulator<<
  Looks like there wasn't a Crap Spectrum Games
  competition this year, but people are still
  making stupid things like this 8-bit game which
  simulates the tedium of trying to use a phone
  for enquiries.
http://arbitraryfiles.com/games/ses/playonline.html

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: IMPORTANT DIGRESSION INTO BEATLES STUFF
  Because obsessions have to go somewhere

  The final Apple LP release from a non-Beatles
  artist was Badfinger's Ass.

  Yes that's the title. The LP is called "ASS".
  The cover has a picture of donkey's arse (an
  ass's ass) with a big carrot, horribly
  suggestive of insertion - lurking in the sky.

  Guess what? It didn't sell.

  "Hey have you listened to ass?" "I'm really
  getting into ass right now" "Hello shopkeeper,
  do you have ass by badfinger?"

  It's really making us giggle. It's absolute
  self-sabotage.

-------------------------------------------------

: STICK THIS IN YOUR OGG VORBIS PLAYER
  Eggpod vs Mark Lewisohn

  The Beatles nerd' Beatles nerd Mark Lewisohn a
  stunning booking for Chris Shaw and he's done a
  fab job with it. Sit back and learn about the
  proto-Wings in Hamburg in their final gigs as a
  club band.
https://iamtheeggpod.com/2019/12/31/the-star-club-tapes-mark-lewisohn/

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The correct way to pronounce 2020? Double tops - like darts. 

-------------------------------------------------

: FESSHOLE
  Your terrible confessions confessed
  
  * GUARDIAN FEATURE - Fesshole did some good
  numbers over the Xmas break growing to about
  46,000 followers on Twitter. This was partly
  down to a best of that we retweeted like balls
  and also down to writing an article for the
  Guardian which did about a million views for
  them and was their number one article for
  Boxing Day. If you missed it, here's "I asked
  the public to send me anonymous confessions. I
  learned some terrible truths"
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2019/dec/26/anonymous-confessions-google-form

  * LIVESTREAM - This generated over 1200 new
  confessions, and your editor figured it might
  be fun to live stream moderating whilst dressed
  as a priest. So if you've got 7 hours, watch
  the damn thing. Ha ha.
https://www.facebook.com/fesshole/videos/581104776002803/

  * BEST OF - And if you want something easier to
  digest then this 'best of December' should do
  the trick.
https://twitter.com/fesshole/status/1212768870987116544

-------------------------------------------------

Alternate 'Champagne Socialist' phrases to
improve your word power:

* Cava Communist
* Red-wine Red
* Lambrusco Leftie
* Lager Labourite
* Liebfraumilch Leftist
* Rum Radical
* Pink-gin Progressive

-------------------------------------------------

: IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Rats

  Here's the best images from last week:

  * GOLDEN RAT-IO -  (TheCrookitFigger)
http://b3ta.com/board/11303003

  * ARE WE HOME ALONE ON B3TA TODAY? -  (LS18)
http://b3ta.com/board/11302746

  * RATATORY. -   (S4RK)
http://b3ta.com/board/11302780

  * See all the other images from the 'Rats' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/rats


  >> This week: Apocalypse TV <<
  It might be the end of the world again, so
  let's get ready by re-imagining all our
  favourite tv shows from a world war
  3/apocalyptic perspective.  Show us Central
  Perk under siege and Thomas the Tank engine
  carrying troops to the front line - fun!
http://b3ta.com/challenge/apocalypsetv

-------------------------------------------------

"Mystify,  mystify me" Best ever song written about a humidifier.

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
  Make some content you content humans
  
  * "LOOK MUM, IT WASN'T A PHASE" SAYS ROBERT
  SMITH - we'd happily page through hundreds of
  photos of people who've stuck with fashion
  choices they made at 16 all the way to 60.

  * NOT NICE BOT - A bot that looks for the
  tweets that says "has died aged 69" and quotes
  them going "NOT NICE."

  * 'THEY LIVE' CHROME PLUG-IN - A version of
  They Live where the glasses reveal the real
  truth about advertising. "Oh God, will people
  laugh at this?" "How many of these do we have
  to right to a/b test?" "I hear Mark is leaving
  and he's going to take the client with him, the
  cunt"

  * MAKE A RETRO POP-UP SANDWICH SHOP - based on
  this early 1970s photo. People would eat the
  shit out of these sandwiches. Literally.
https://twitter.com/robnitm/status/1208080830029029378

  Send photos of your man boobs to:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

All chess is 3D chess as the third dimension is time.

-------------------------------------------------

: BONUS SWEARS FROM OUR REQUEST FOR SWEARS

  * Draw Your Cock In Ms Paint And Send It As A
  Dick-Pic
  * Take Your Auntie Dogging Then Ask Her Why Her
  Breath Smells Of Cock
  * Shit Into Your Kid's Lunch Box Then Send Them
  Off To School
  * Don't Wank Now The Window Cleaner Isn't Here
  Yet
  * Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road? Because
  You're A Cunt

  Read on. Some terrible stuff here:
http://bit.ly/swearclock

-------------------------------------------------

: PATREON THANKS
  We love all these people

  *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
  MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
  JAMES* *STOOBERT*

  24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
  EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
  LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
  VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
  SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
  ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH

  Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
  lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
  Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
  Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
  Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
  Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
  blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
  Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
  Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
  Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
  Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
  Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel,
  Faith H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry,
  Gaynor Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson,
  Gus Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller,
  Iain Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
  Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker,
  Jason Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
  Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
  McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
  Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
  Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
  Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
  Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
  Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
  Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes,
  midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
  Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
  bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul Westerman,
  Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter wouda,
  Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope, Richard
  Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk,
  Ross Carter, RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott
  S. Kramer, sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon
  Holmes, Simon McDougall, Simon waterfall,
  Stephen Waller, Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith,
  Stuart Ashen, Tim Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim
  Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan,
  TownsendsPublisher, Wil Hadden, Will Goulden,
  AuntieSash Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow,
  Chef Twat, Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig
  Turner, Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar,
  Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence,
  James Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
  Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
  Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
  Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook, Hannah
  Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane McHugh,
  Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig Liddell, Helen
  Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will Moody, Nick
  Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green, Justin Brett,
  Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey, Stuart
  Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner Lyons,
  Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff, Mike
  Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
  Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
  Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
  Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
  Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
  STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
  Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
  Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
  Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
  Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick
  Kent, Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea
  Vail, Andy Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben
  cowell-thomas, Ben Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat
  Conner, Centuries of Sound, Claire Allen,
  Claire Zolkwer, Darren John Harris, Dave The
  Hammer Parry, David Bond, David Ellinor, Daz
  Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks,
  Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M
  Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim
  Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E,
  Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt
  Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives,
  Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul
  Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas,
  Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert
  Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
  Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
  Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
  Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
  Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
  Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
  Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
  Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
  Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt

  Please join the patreon so we can afford to
  eat. And thank you to new Patreon Ben Rout.
http://patreon.com/b3ta

-------------------------------------------------

Bands! Instead of saying "here's one from the new
album" say "now we're going to lead the audience
with a singalong of Joseph and his Technicolour
Dream Coat"

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