NEWSLETTER: "VAN HALEN. IT'S AN APP FOR HAILING VANS."
This Week:
* THE GAME 'SIMON' - played with real Simons
* FAWLTY TOWERS - Anagram joke hammered with code
* FESSHOLE - Solution to bad art from kids, at last
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We shitted up the web
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | it's our collective
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| fault ... together"
B3ta email 735 - 16 Dec 2019
Read this issue pretending it's still 2004:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue735
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS WEEK
Other than voting for people who are bad
>> Simon le Bon memory game <<
Matt Round writes, "That old electronic game
but now featuring Simon, Simon, Simon and
Simon. May break your brain within minutes with
sound on." We're looking forward to the lady
version with Simone, Simone, Simone, and our
favouite, Simone.
https://vole.wtf/simons/
>> 10,000 Fawlty Towers sign gags <<
Fawlty Tower's had an opening gag where they'd
make an anagram out the name of the show.
Monkeon has used code to find ALL 10,000 of
them. His favs? Tory Fleas, Fart Toys, Lefty
Arts and Lowest Wart.
https://monkeon.co.uk/fawltytowers/
>> Tom Cruise head turn animation using 27 posters <<
Dunk3d has been amusing himself matching photos
of Tom Cruise to the exact rotation of of how
an owl moves its head.
https://imgur.com/gallery/GtNBfNI
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If John Lydon were to advertise a different
butter than Country Life then we suggest Anchor
Is An Energy
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: FESSHOLE
Your confessed fessed up like sick
Each week we collect your lies into a handy
Twitter account for favs and shame. Here's some
of our favourite of your recent confessions:
* HONK IF YOU'RE HORNY - "I live next to a park
that is a well known dogging area, when I see a
couple going at it I set off an air horn."
* GENIUS - "I told by 4 year old there is an
'art fairy' who collects the shit art he brings
back from pre school, and takes it to a big
fairy gallery in the sky."
* ITV CRIME DRAMA IDEA - "I live alone. In case
something happens to me, but I'm not found for
some time, I wear day-of-the-week socks hoping
it will help establish my time of death."
Over 200,000 words now submitted, nearly 27k
followers. Please stop. We only started it to
mock our cats.
https://twitter.com/fesshole
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Why does the media never use the Lib-Dems full
name? The Library Demons.
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Content made by other other lovely people
>> Pachelbel played by train horns <<
AKA All Together Now by The Farm as performed
by horny trains. Somehow very funny, probably
the combination of being superbly enthusiastic
and slightly out of tune.
https://b3ta.com/links/Pachelbel_train_horn_Prague...
>> How a Twitter artists gamed t-shirt bots <<
We really liked the thing where people gamed
artwork-stealing t shirt bots. Fuck bots. We
won't go near them.
https://waxy.org/2019/12/how-artists-on-twitter-tr...
>> Real time drum macnhine <<
Someone has had a go at building a drum machine
that listens as you play and then taps along,
just like a real drummer. It nearly works too.
This technology is going to be so good in a
couple of years and the Beatles can finally
sack Ringo.
https://magenta.tensorflow.org/drumbot
>> Turn photos into Lego <<
Legra.js is a lovely little script that allows
you to draw pictures made of Lego in the HTML
Canvas. Can you tell this newsletter is written
by ex-devs?
https://legra-draw-image.glitch.me
>> Trump font <<
Trump's big marker pen writing as a font. It's
also an easter egg hunt in which typing things
like Hillary gets a response.
https://finalwordfromthepres.com
>> Pretend you're working <<
Read Twitter whilst pretending to work. By devs
for devs since we can't imagine many other
people are on Stack Overflow all the time. They
should do a version for Social Media Experts in
which your personal Twitter account looks like
the work Twitter account.
https://stacksocialflow.com/Twitflow/
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As Wham had two members, surely a better name for
them wouldve been The Double Whammy.
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Literal Brands
Here's the best images from last week:
* VASELINE from robneymcplum
http://b3ta.com/board/11301257
* VERY EASY JET from Pizopop
http://b3ta.com/board/11301261
* TED BAKER from Redbull_(UK)
http://b3ta.com/board/11301598
* See all the other images from the 'Literal
Brands' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/literalbrands
>> This week: Religious Games <<
There's a new VR game coming out where you get
to play Jesus Christ, which sounds like the
perfect Christmas gift. What other religious
themed computer or board games can you come up
with?
http://b3ta.com/challenge/religiousgames
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Our favourite google search? "Abbey Road length"
1.4km (although if you measure the length of the
grooves, it's more like 0.9km)
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: VOTE EGGPOD FOR PODCAST AWARDS
Vote for B3ta's fav B3atles podcast
If you get a spare moment could you help by
casting a vote for "I am the EggPod" in the Pod
Bible Awards?
We filled this on and voted for EggPod coz the
middle-aged need a safe space to talk about the
Beatles without being mocked by Generation Z
for liking 50 y/o music made by people not
staring at a laptop.
Type it in, in the Oh. My. Pod Independent
Podcast category:
http://podbiblemag.com/poll-winners-2019/
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Ever wondered how alcohol guidelines differ
around the world? Basically if you tell yourself
you're living on "Spanish Rules" you can have 35
units per week* as compared to the UK's measly
14. Que viva Espaa!
* That's about half a bottle of red wine a day.
You'll be fine. Hic.
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make some content to become "e-famous"
* HOW DEPRESSED IS THIS CONTENT? - Interesting
study suggesting a correlation of self pronouns
(me, I) to depression whilst non-depressed
people talk about other people (they, her, him)
more. This could utterly be turned into a tool
to analyse Twitter feeds. But shouldn't.
https://qz.com/1198671/depression-warning-signs-pa...
* FOX TOSSING GAME - Just read about the
ancient blood sport of Fox Tossing - animals
would run across a court and the players would
pull cords tight to propel the animal in the
air. Obviously quite barbaric and should never
be brought back, but... it would make an
appealing mobile game.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fox_tossing
* "FATALLY KILLED" BOT - probably not a good
idea but we've noticed how many people use the
tautology "fatally killed" when saying someone
was killed is enough. A bot that pointed this
out to grieving people would be a terrible
idea.
Send photos of your shits to:
http://b3ta.com/mailus/
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Hobbies? Clicking 'like' on self-deprecating
tweets to make strangers feel bad.
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: TOP TIP
Install an ad blocker as the Daily Mail has ad
blocker detection code and it'll stick up a
message saying "disable your ad blocker" and
not let you read the site. Yes, you can get
round this easily if you wish, but it works as
a handy reminder "don't look"
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No one ever tells children off for having a
favourite parent.
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel,
Faith H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry,
Gaynor Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson,
Gus Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller,
Iain Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker,
Jason Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes,
midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul Westerman,
Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter wouda,
Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope, Richard
Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk,
Ross Carter, RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott
S. Kramer, sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon
Holmes, Simon McDougall, Simon waterfall,
Stephen Waller, Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith,
Stuart Ashen, Tim Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim
Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan,
TownsendsPublisher, Wil Hadden, Will Goulden,
AuntieSash Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow,
Chef Twat, Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig
Turner, Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar,
Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence,
James Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook, Hannah
Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane McHugh,
Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig Liddell, Helen
Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will Moody, Nick
Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green, Justin Brett,
Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey, Stuart
Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner Lyons,
Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff, Mike
Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick
Kent, Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea
Vail, Andy Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben
cowell-thomas, Ben Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat
Conner, Centuries of Sound, Claire Allen,
Claire Zolkwer, Darren John Harris, Dave The
Hammer Parry, David Bond, David Ellinor, Daz
Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks,
Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M
Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim
Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E,
Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt
Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives,
Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul
Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas,
Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert
Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt
Please join the patreon so we can afford to
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http://patreon.com/b3ta
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Our problem with writing is that it's 95%
thinking and not who has the best handwriting,
which would be us.
