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NEWSLETTER: "VAN HALEN. IT'S AN APP FOR HAILING VANS."

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This Week:
* THE GAME 'SIMON' - played with real Simons
* FAWLTY TOWERS - Anagram joke hammered with code
* FESSHOLE - Solution to bad art from kids, at last

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We shitted up the web
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   it's our collective
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|    fault ... together"

B3ta email 735 - 16 Dec 2019

Read this issue pretending it's still 2004:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue735

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS WEEK
  Other than voting for people who are bad

  >> Simon le Bon memory game <<
  Matt Round writes, "That old electronic game
  but now featuring Simon, Simon, Simon and
  Simon. May break your brain within minutes with
  sound on." We're looking forward to the lady
  version with Simone, Simone, Simone, and our
  favouite, Simone.
https://vole.wtf/simons/ 

  >> 10,000 Fawlty Towers sign gags <<
  Fawlty Tower's had an opening gag where they'd
  make an anagram out the name of the show.
  Monkeon has used code to find ALL 10,000 of
  them. His favs? Tory Fleas, Fart Toys, Lefty
  Arts and Lowest Wart.
https://monkeon.co.uk/fawltytowers/

  >> Tom Cruise head turn animation using 27 posters <<
  Dunk3d has been amusing himself matching photos
  of Tom Cruise to the exact rotation of of how
  an owl moves its head.
https://imgur.com/gallery/GtNBfNI

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If John Lydon were to advertise a different
butter than Country Life then we suggest Anchor
Is An Energy

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: FESSHOLE 
  Your confessed fessed up like sick
 
  Each week we collect your lies into a handy
  Twitter account for favs and shame. Here's some
  of our favourite of your recent confessions:
 
  * HONK IF YOU'RE HORNY - "I live next to a park
  that is a well known dogging area, when I see a
  couple going at it I set off an air horn."

  * GENIUS - "I told by 4 year old there is an
  'art fairy' who collects the shit art he brings
  back from pre school, and takes it to a big
  fairy gallery in the sky."

  * ITV CRIME DRAMA IDEA - "I live alone. In case
  something happens to me, but I'm not found for
  some time, I wear day-of-the-week socks hoping
  it will help establish my time of death."

  Over 200,000 words now submitted, nearly 27k
  followers. Please stop. We only started it to
  mock our cats.
https://twitter.com/fesshole

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Why does the media never use the Lib-Dems full
name? The Library Demons.

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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Content made by other other lovely people

  >> Pachelbel played by train horns <<
  AKA All Together Now by The Farm as performed
  by horny trains. Somehow very funny, probably
  the combination of being superbly enthusiastic
  and slightly out of tune.
https://b3ta.com/links/Pachelbel_train_horn_Prague_Main_Railway_Station

  >> How a Twitter artists gamed t-shirt bots <<
  We really liked the thing where people gamed
  artwork-stealing t shirt bots. Fuck bots. We
  won't go near them.
https://waxy.org/2019/12/how-artists-on-twitter-tricked-spammy-t-shirt-stores-into-admitting-their-automated-art-theft/

  >> Real time drum macnhine <<
  Someone has had a go at building a drum machine
  that listens as you play and then taps along,
  just like a real drummer. It nearly works too.
  This technology is going to be so good in a
  couple of years and the Beatles can finally
  sack Ringo.
https://magenta.tensorflow.org/drumbot

  >> Turn photos into Lego << 
  Legra.js is a lovely little script that allows
  you to draw pictures made of Lego in the HTML
  Canvas. Can you tell this newsletter is written
  by ex-devs?
https://legra-draw-image.glitch.me

  >> Trump font <<
  Trump's big marker pen writing as a font. It's
  also an easter egg hunt in which typing things
  like Hillary gets a response.
https://finalwordfromthepres.com

  >> Pretend you're working <<
  Read Twitter whilst pretending to work. By devs
  for devs since we can't imagine many other
  people are on Stack Overflow all the time. They
  should do a version for Social Media Experts in
  which your personal Twitter account looks like
  the work Twitter account.
https://stacksocialflow.com/Twitflow/ 

-------------------------------------------------

As Wham had two members, surely a better name for
them wouldve been The Double Whammy.

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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Literal Brands

  Here's the best images from last week:

  * VASELINE from robneymcplum
http://b3ta.com/board/11301257

  * VERY EASY JET from Pizopop
http://b3ta.com/board/11301261

  * TED BAKER from Redbull_(UK)
http://b3ta.com/board/11301598

  * See all the other images from the 'Literal
  Brands' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/literalbrands


  >> This week: Religious Games <<
  There's a new VR game coming out where you get
  to play Jesus Christ, which sounds like the
  perfect Christmas gift. What other religious
  themed computer or board games can you come up
  with?
http://b3ta.com/challenge/religiousgames

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Our favourite google search? "Abbey Road length"
1.4km (although if you measure the length of the
grooves, it's more like 0.9km)

-------------------------------------------------

: VOTE EGGPOD FOR PODCAST AWARDS
  Vote for B3ta's fav B3atles podcast

  If you get a spare moment could you help by
  casting a vote for "I am the EggPod" in the Pod
  Bible Awards?

  We filled this on and voted for EggPod coz the
  middle-aged need a safe space to talk about the
  Beatles without being mocked by Generation Z
  for liking 50 y/o music made by people not
  staring at a laptop.

  Type it in, in the Oh. My. Pod Independent
  Podcast category:
http://podbiblemag.com/poll-winners-2019/

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Ever wondered how alcohol guidelines differ
around the world? Basically if you tell yourself
you're living on "Spanish Rules" you can have 35
units per week* as compared to the UK's measly
14. Que viva Espaa!

* That's about half a bottle of red wine a day.
You'll be fine. Hic.

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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
  Make some content to become "e-famous"

  * HOW DEPRESSED IS THIS CONTENT? - Interesting
  study suggesting a correlation of self pronouns
  (me, I) to depression whilst non-depressed
  people talk about other people (they, her, him)
  more. This could utterly be turned into a tool
  to analyse Twitter feeds. But shouldn't.
https://qz.com/1198671/depression-warning-signs-pay-attention-to-the-words-they-use/

  * FOX TOSSING GAME - Just read about the
  ancient blood sport of Fox Tossing - animals
  would run across a court and the players would
  pull cords tight to propel the animal in the
  air. Obviously quite barbaric and should never
  be brought back, but... it would make an
  appealing mobile game.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fox_tossing

  * "FATALLY KILLED" BOT - probably not a good
  idea but we've noticed how many people use the
  tautology "fatally killed" when saying someone
  was killed is enough. A bot that pointed this
  out to grieving people would be a terrible
  idea.

  Send photos of your shits to:
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

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Hobbies? Clicking 'like' on self-deprecating
tweets to make strangers feel bad.

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: TOP TIP

  Install an ad blocker as the Daily Mail has ad
  blocker detection code and it'll stick up a
  message saying "disable your ad blocker" and
  not let you read the site. Yes, you can get
  round this easily if you wish, but it works as
  a handy reminder "don't look"


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No one ever tells children off for having a
favourite parent.

-------------------------------------------------

: PATREON THANKS
  We love all these people
  
  *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
  MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
  JAMES* *STOOBERT*

  24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
  EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
  LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
  VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
  SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
  ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH

  Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
  lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
  Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
  Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
  Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
  Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
  blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
  Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
  Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
  Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
  Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
  Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel,
  Faith H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry,
  Gaynor Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson,
  Gus Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller,
  Iain Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
  Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker,
  Jason Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
  Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
  McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
  Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
  Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
  Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
  Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
  Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
  Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes,
  midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
  Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
  bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul Westerman,
  Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter wouda,
  Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope, Richard
  Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk,
  Ross Carter, RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott
  S. Kramer, sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon
  Holmes, Simon McDougall, Simon waterfall,
  Stephen Waller, Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith,
  Stuart Ashen, Tim Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim
  Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan,
  TownsendsPublisher, Wil Hadden, Will Goulden,
  AuntieSash Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow,
  Chef Twat, Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig
  Turner, Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar,
  Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence,
  James Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
  Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
  Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
  Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook, Hannah
  Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane McHugh,
  Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig Liddell, Helen
  Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will Moody, Nick
  Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green, Justin Brett,
  Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey, Stuart
  Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner Lyons,
  Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff, Mike
  Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
  Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
  Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
  Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
  Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
  STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
  Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
  Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
  Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
  Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick
  Kent, Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea
  Vail, Andy Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben
  cowell-thomas, Ben Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat
  Conner, Centuries of Sound, Claire Allen,
  Claire Zolkwer, Darren John Harris, Dave The
  Hammer Parry, David Bond, David Ellinor, Daz
  Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks,
  Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M
  Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim
  Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E,
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  Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert
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  Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
  Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
  Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
  Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
  Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
  Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
  Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt

  Please join the patreon so we can afford to
  eat. Thank you.
http://patreon.com/b3ta

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Our problem with writing is that it's 95%
thinking and not who has the best handwriting,
which would be us.

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