NEWSLETTER: "OPENING THIS NEWSLETTER CONDEMNS THE READER TO SEVEN YEARS GOOD LUCK"
"Opening this newsletter condemns the reader to seven years good luck"
This Week:
* TERMS AND CONDITIONS - the game
* WHAT3WORDS - More cheap trolling
* HOW AVERAGE ARE YOU OPINIONS? Very, we suspect
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're shitting up the
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | web with terrible
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| content ... together"
B3ta electro e-letter 771 - 23 May 2021
Read this issue in Fortran to your Jupiter ACE:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue771
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: UPSHOT SPONSORSHIP
Spicing up the bland world of sports coverage
If you like sport, you'll love the Upshot - a
weekly newsletter dishing out gossip,
controversy and tasteless jokes from the world
of British sport.
Sign up for free and get a five minute hit of
sporting filth every Friday.
https://upshot.email/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than sculpting toe-jam again
* TERMS & CONDITIONS APPLY (THE GAME) - Iambob
writes, "Visiting websites now feels like a
battle against all the pop-ups. I thought I'd
try and make a game out of it. Questions are
inspired (or stolen) from the real dark
patterns companies are using today." Brilliant
work, you can go in.
https://termsandconditions.game/
* MORE WHAT THREE WORDS TROLLING - anon
writes, "I made a what3words site that shows
only rude-sounding locations but can't share
(my name) without worrying they'll sick their
lawyers on me." Worth a click we suppose.
https://treasures-perspective.github.io/smut3words...
* LEGO SONG - Pete writes, "I finally got the
Lego robot band video sorted. Here's a link."
Well if you like gloomy Lego robot songs,
you're in luck.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
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If the walrus was Paul, who was the egg man?
Yolko Ono
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: FESSHOLE
Your confessions, relentlessly processed into
content
* SELF CARE - "When I buy something from
Amazon, I click 'this is a gift' and write
myself a gift note - they're free - so I
pretend it's a present. Most recently I bought
batteries and told myself 'You are utterly
sensational'"
* EMBARRASSMENT - "Classic situation with a
neighbour, knowing my name and me not having a
clue his, rather than be an adult about it
I've paid £3 for a copy of the land registry
title plan just to get his name, cheers
Martin."
* POTENTIAL SEINFELD PLOT - "I am circumcised
for medical reasons and always joked with a
mate that I am Jewish. He is a primary teacher
and has now invited me to give a talk to his
class on Judaism and I can't back out."
Join the 137k people who should know better:
https://twitter.com/fesshole
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PAYWALL TIP: You all remember we told you how to
get past the Spectator paywall (add /amp to any
article URL), well now we've got a tip to get
you past most of the Times and the Telegraph.
Take any URL and place it *after* archive.is/
and hooray, you can read whatever batshit loon
opinion they've got people worked up about
today.
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: HEBTRO SPONSORSHIP
Yes, buy lovely woolly socks
Do you own feet at the end of your legs? Well
Hebtroco have a product called "socks" that
work as kind of innertubes for your shoes so
that you don't have to throw away your shoes
every day. Buy some now, they're toasty and
warm and will save you a fortune.
https://hebtro.co/product-category/sock_range/
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Society finally broke down when a bug at Twitter made everyone's mutes public.
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff made by other people in the content mines
* GROW A FLOWER GAME - This got us addicted
until we'd completed it and grown a beautiful
flower. The hook is that you get slightly
further every time you play (due to the power
ups rather than actually getting any better),
which keeps you wanting to see more.
https://pierre-vandermaesen.itch.io/root
* HOW AVERAGE ARE YOU OPINIONS - An
interesting bit of data collection. How do you
compare to everyone else who has played the
quiz before? Cambridge Analytica are probably
harvesting the data of the most confidently
wrong players as we speak.
https://thanaverage.xyz
* ROTATING FOOD - whilst everyone else has
been wasting their life arguing on social
media, someone has instead been collecting
gifs of rotating food and uploading hundreds
of them to the Internet Archive. Oddly
relaxing.
https://archive.org/details/rotatingfood/
* WATCH CARS GET WRECKED NAVIGATING FORDS -
join the locals in getting entertainment from
watching people knackering their cars.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
* HOW FAST CAN YOU SPEND ELON MUSK'S MONEY?
Spend all of Elon's monies in 30 seconds.
Horrifically depressing.
https://www.leasingoptions.co.uk/spend-elons-money...
* MICROWAVE VIDEO - One-time B3tan Tom Scott
doesn't need the promo but his latest is
genuinely great.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Science in films
Here's the best images from last week:
* SET COMMUNICATORS TO RECHARGE - from Ninj
http://b3ta.com/board/11343607
* DOCTOR EXORCIST - from dirk speedrift
http://b3ta.com/board/11343297
* JURASSIC MOOZERS - from S4RK
http://b3ta.com/board/11343543
* See all the other images from the 'Science
in films' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/scienceinfilms/popular/
>> This week: stationery <<
Stationery. One word challenge. Do your thing
with pens, paper, rulers and rubbers.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/stationery/popular/
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: FOLLOW UPS
What happened next on previous stories
* SHEEP FILMS HELPS MAKES POP VIDEO - Dave
Sheep writes "I did some VFX recently for this
rather fun music video. No idea what he's
singing about though." We understood every
word, he's singing "I like big stuff, please
Mr Sheep, make my stuff bigger."
https://twitter.com/sheepfilms/status/139573322285...
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Three / free ideas for you to jizz into reality
* SEX TOY OR 1980s RETRO JOYSTICK - a very
easy but still quite shareable quiz from
PussVsPhlegm.
* CAN YOU FILL PHIL COLLINS' COLON? A game
where you correct grammatical mistakes in
Collins' lyrics.
* BETTY BOO'S DOING THE DOO GAME - ok, this
one works with Betty running around shitting
and you have to gather them up and stick them
in the doo-doo bin in the park.
Go on, make some stuff, you lazy fucking
fuckwits:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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How popular breakfast cereals got their names:
Cocopops - Cocoon Popsicles
Honey Loops - Honeymoon Loopholes
Crunchie Nut - Crunchiest Nutmegs
Branflakes - Branson Flakes (Richard)
Special K - Specialist Knuckles (pig)
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost sexually.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image
challenge help; and Dr Dunno for something or
other. Proofing by Kat E.
50% of social media is people noticing the milk
is off and saying "you must smell this, it's
awful"
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. We love you and
do please donate as you get occasional bonus
content.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
