NEWSLETTER: "AND YOU MAY TELL YOURSELF THIS IS NOT MY BEAUTIFUL NEWSLETTER"
"AND YOU MAY TELL YOURSELF THIS IS NOT MY BEAUTIFUL NEWSLETTER"
This Week:
* GENERATOR - You Wouldn't [Download] A [Car]
* SKIP INTRO - Tell it to fuck off
* FESSHOLE - Man loses Connect 4 to a child
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're shitting up the
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | the web, can someone
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| please stop us"
B3ta email 774 - 11 Jun 2021
Read this issue to your dog in bark language:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue774
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than learning to shart the national anthem
* YOU WOULDN'T DOWNLOAD A CAR - Monkeon
writes, "I have made a new meme generator,
which I hope doesn't tread on YokoOnoBot's
toes too much. If you click the chicken emoji
at the bottom, there is an easter egg
featuring The Chicken Song lyrics, since they
are the sort of nonsense I was aiming for."
Brilliant work Monkeon, and Yoko loves you.
https://monkeon.co.uk/piracyitsacrimegenerator/
* SKIP INTRO FUCK OFF - mattgord writes, "Hi
Rob, I made this chrome extension that lets
you tell YouTube ads to fuck off." Yep it does
what it says on the tin, which is 90% of the
battle in life isn't it? You can go in the
newsletter.
http://www.fuckoff.yt
* DOING PRACTICAL EFFECTS FOR REAL -
BarryFromTheShitFarm has had a go at making a
Classical Hollywood Production Logo
practically. Sadly not for his username 'Barry
From The Shit Farm' but still, he can go in
the newsletter considering the effort he's
made and it makes you think thank fuck this
stuff is easier now.
https://b3ta.com/links/Had_a_go_at_making_a_Classi...
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: HEBTRO SPONSORSHIP
Buy some lovely jeans
Thanks to Hebtro for sponsoring b3ta, helping
us to be able to put the time into researching
this newsletter every week. They make powerful
jeans that aren't cheap but will last a long
time and every pair bought helps support
stupid internet nonsense so dig deep you
twats.
https://hebtro.co/
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: FESSHOLE
Tawdry confession content run for cheap likes
Each week we ask you to vomit your confession
into a bin and we pick out a few at random to
win a speed boat or a b3tay-b3ta cheque book
and pen. The lucky winners this week:
* RELATABLE - "I've started wearing my reading
glasses to roll joints. Fuck I'm old."
* SIMON LE BEANS - "Whenever I have beans on
toast, or even think about beans on toast, I
sing 'beans on toast' to the tune of Duran
Duran's 'Girls on Film'. And now you're doing
it."
* EVEN MORE RELATABLE - "I lost a game of
Connect 4 to my friend's 5-year old son. His
Dad thanked me for letting the boy win. I
didn't let him win."
Also a special mention to this one as it got a
fav from Edgar Wright: "The film 'Hot Fuzz' is
the most accurate portrayal of policing I have
ever seen. I was a copper for 30 years in the
deepest west country, and the film was
frighteningly realistic."
Join the 143,000 people who should be visited
by the authorities and have their VHS
collections inspected.
https://twitter.com/fesshole/
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It's only a holiday if it's from the holiday
region of France, otherwise it's just a
sparkling staycation.
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Content made by dubious people we don't know
* THERE'S NO HEADLINE THAT CAN DO THIS
JUSTICE, JUST READ IT - Article about the
strange St Bride's, who made some Spectrum
games etc, fascinating if you remember seeing
the name.
https://if50.substack.com/p/1992-silverwolf
* ORIGINAL ELIZA SOURCE CODE - discovered
after being missing for over 50 years.
Significant as it's probably the first time
humans talked to bots and that's all it is
from now on in isn't it? Enjoy talking to
bots, everyone.
https://sites.google.com/view/elizagen-org/the-ori...
* YOUR BONES ARE WET, FIX THIS - a site asking
you to free your bones which is a reasonable
idea in this era and we phoned them up and the
bloody phone number doesn't work. How are we
meant to discard our meat now?
https://freeyourbones.com/
* SCRAPPY-DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO - The Scrappy-Doo
entry on Wikipedia is 25,623 words, nearly
2,000 words longer than the entry for the
history of Poland. The page has a greater word
count than Franz Kafka’s The Metamorphosis -
and a writer decided to find out why.
https://tinyletter.com/waitingroom/letters/the-scr...
BTW: Some boring Wikipedia editor has noticed
this article and since deleted most of it -
you can find the long version through the edit
history:
https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php
* ACE VENTURA SLIDING DOOR SIMULATOR - here's
a bit of old school internet fun that just
does one stupid thing.
https://slideventura.com/
* HOW TO MAKE YOURSELF RICH BY COPYING
PHOTOSHOP IN JAVASCRIPT - some bloke is
quietly making half a million dollars a year
from ads after spending 7 years gradually
recreating Photoshop's features in the browser
- including some of the fancier ones. Adobe
should just buy it and shoot it into the moon
before it stops people cracking, sorry we mean
buying Photoshop.
https://www.lunadio.com/blog/the-story-of-a-unicor...
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: FRIDAY GAME
You laugh, you lose
We like the concept of this - the game tells
you a joke and if you smile at it then you
lose. Only weirdos smile at jokes when on
their own, though, thus making it is a piece
of piss.
https://youlaughyoulose.netlify.app
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Articles are just long tweets that journalists
get pissy about people replying to.
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Super Mario
Here's the best images from last week:
* Dr Dunno hitting us with a Magritte joke
like the art wanker that he is:
https://b3ta.com/board/11345184
* Atomic reminding us that Mario probably died
hard:
https://b3ta.com/board/11345270
* And Monkeon giving the kids what they
clamour for with a Frost Report reference.
https://b3ta.com/board/11345290
* See all the other images from the 'Super
Mario' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/supermario/popular
>> This week: If famous dead people were alive today <<
What would the world be like if famous
deceased people were alive today? Would Rosa
Parks be hounded by Piers Morgan for using
public transport? Would Supergroups rule the
charts? Show us with computer art stuff.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/deadfamousealive/popular
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: FOLLOW UPS
What happened next on previous stories
* HAPPYTOAST ON HIGNFY - well one of his images anyway:
http://b3ta.com/links/1566986
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Free ideas as in free beers
* NOEL GALLAGHER OR BUCKET OF PISS? The new
exciting picture quiz that's storming the
internet. Next week - Ian Brown or Twat?
Actually this could work - close ups of hairy
bits.
* CUP OF TEA: THE TEXT ADVENTURE - don't drink
it too hot, you'll burn your ascii lips.
* A BUSINESS THAT NEVER NEEDS TO PAY ITS
FREELANCERS BY ASSANINATING THEM BEFORE THEY
INVOICE - and uses freelance assassins to
assassinate the assassins to solve that bit
too. C'mon Jeff Bezos, you can do this.
Flush your shite into our cyber toilet:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
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Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
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Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image
challenge help; and Dr Dunno for something or
other. Proofing by Kat E.
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST -
special love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart.
We love you and do please donate as you get
occasional bonus content.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
