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NEWSLETTER: "AND YOU MAY TELL YOURSELF THIS IS NOT MY BEAUTIFUL NEWSLETTER"

 
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"AND YOU MAY TELL YOURSELF THIS IS NOT MY BEAUTIFUL NEWSLETTER"
This Week:
* GENERATOR - You Wouldn't [Download] A [Car]
* SKIP INTRO - Tell it to fuck off
* FESSHOLE - Man loses Connect 4 to a child

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're shitting up the 
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   the web, can someone
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|    please stop us"

B3ta email 774 - 11 Jun 2021

Read this issue to your dog in bark language:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue774

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE MADE THIS WEEK
  Other than learning to shart the national anthem

  * YOU WOULDN'T DOWNLOAD A CAR - Monkeon
  writes, "I have made a new meme generator,
  which I hope doesn't tread on YokoOnoBot's
  toes too much. If you click the chicken emoji
  at the bottom, there is an easter egg
  featuring The Chicken Song lyrics, since they
  are the sort of nonsense I was aiming for."
  Brilliant work Monkeon, and Yoko loves you.
https://monkeon.co.uk/piracyitsacrimegenerator/

  * SKIP INTRO FUCK OFF - mattgord writes, "Hi
  Rob, I made this chrome extension that lets
  you tell YouTube ads to fuck off." Yep it does
  what it says on the tin, which is 90% of the
  battle in life isn't it? You can go in the
  newsletter.
http://www.fuckoff.yt

  * DOING PRACTICAL EFFECTS FOR REAL -
  BarryFromTheShitFarm has had a go at making a
  Classical Hollywood Production Logo
  practically. Sadly not for his username 'Barry
  From The Shit Farm' but still, he can go in
  the newsletter considering the effort he's
  made and it makes you think thank fuck this
  stuff is easier now.
https://b3ta.com/links/Had_a_go_at_making_a_Classi...

-------------------------------------------------

: HEBTRO SPONSORSHIP
  Buy some lovely jeans

  Thanks to Hebtro for sponsoring b3ta, helping
  us to be able to put the time into researching
  this newsletter every week. They make powerful
  jeans that aren't cheap but will last a long
  time and every pair bought helps support
  stupid internet nonsense so dig deep you
  twats.
https://hebtro.co/

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: FESSHOLE
  Tawdry confession content run for cheap likes
  
  Each week we ask you to vomit your confession
  into a bin and we pick out a few at random to
  win a speed boat or a b3tay-b3ta cheque book
  and pen. The lucky winners this week:

  * RELATABLE - "I've started wearing my reading
  glasses to roll joints. Fuck I'm old."

  * SIMON LE BEANS - "Whenever I have beans on
  toast, or even think about beans on toast, I
  sing 'beans on toast' to the tune of Duran
  Duran's 'Girls on Film'. And now you're doing
  it."

  * EVEN MORE RELATABLE - "I lost a game of
  Connect 4 to my friend's 5-year old son. His
  Dad thanked me for letting the boy win. I
  didn't let him win."

  Also a special mention to this one as it got a
  fav from Edgar Wright: "The film 'Hot Fuzz' is
  the most accurate portrayal of policing I have
  ever seen. I was a copper for 30 years in the
  deepest west country, and the film was
  frighteningly realistic."

  Join the 143,000 people who should be visited
  by the authorities and have their VHS
  collections inspected.
https://twitter.com/fesshole/

-------------------------------------------------

It's only a holiday if it's from the holiday
region of France, otherwise it's just a
sparkling staycation.

-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
  Content made by dubious people we don't know

  * THERE'S NO HEADLINE THAT CAN DO THIS
  JUSTICE, JUST READ IT - Article about the
  strange St Bride's, who made some Spectrum
  games etc, fascinating if you remember seeing
  the name.
https://if50.substack.com/p/1992-silverwolf

  * ORIGINAL ELIZA SOURCE CODE - discovered
  after being missing for over 50 years.
  Significant as it's probably the first time
  humans talked to bots and that's all it is
  from now on in isn't it? Enjoy talking to
  bots, everyone.
https://sites.google.com/view/elizagen-org/the-ori...

  * YOUR BONES ARE WET, FIX THIS - a site asking
  you to free your bones which is a reasonable
  idea in this era and we phoned them up and the
  bloody phone number doesn't work. How are we
  meant to discard our meat now?
https://freeyourbones.com/

  * SCRAPPY-DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO - The Scrappy-Doo
  entry on Wikipedia is 25,623 words, nearly
  2,000 words longer than the entry for the
  history of Poland. The page has a greater word
  count than Franz Kafka’s The Metamorphosis -
  and a writer decided to find out why.
https://tinyletter.com/waitingroom/letters/the-scr...

  BTW: Some boring Wikipedia editor has noticed
  this article and since deleted most of it -
  you can find the long version through the edit
  history:
https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php

  *  ACE VENTURA SLIDING DOOR SIMULATOR - here's
  a bit of old school internet fun that just
  does one stupid thing.
https://slideventura.com/

  * HOW TO MAKE YOURSELF RICH BY COPYING
  PHOTOSHOP IN JAVASCRIPT - some bloke is
  quietly making half a million dollars a year
  from ads after spending 7 years gradually
  recreating Photoshop's features in the browser
  - including some of the fancier ones. Adobe
  should just buy it and shoot it into the moon
  before it stops people cracking, sorry we mean
  buying Photoshop.
https://www.lunadio.com/blog/the-story-of-a-unicor...

-------------------------------------------------

: FRIDAY GAME
  You laugh, you lose
 
  We like the concept of this - the game tells
  you a joke and if you smile at it then you
  lose. Only weirdos smile at jokes when on
  their own, though, thus making it is a piece
  of piss. 
https://youlaughyoulose.netlify.app

-------------------------------------------------

Articles are just long tweets that journalists
get pissy about people replying to.

-------------------------------------------------

: IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Super Mario

  Here's the best images from last week:

  * Dr Dunno hitting us with a Magritte joke
  like the art wanker that he is:
https://b3ta.com/board/11345184

  * Atomic reminding us that Mario probably died
  hard:
https://b3ta.com/board/11345270

  * And Monkeon giving the kids what they
  clamour for with a Frost Report reference.
https://b3ta.com/board/11345290 

  * See all the other images from the 'Super
  Mario' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/supermario/popular

  >> This week: If famous dead people were alive today <<
  What would the world be like if famous
  deceased people were alive today? Would Rosa
  Parks be hounded by Piers Morgan for using
  public transport? Would Supergroups rule the
  charts? Show us with computer art stuff.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/deadfamousealive/popular

-------------------------------------------------

: FOLLOW UPS
  What happened next on previous stories

  * HAPPYTOAST ON HIGNFY - well one of his images anyway:
http://b3ta.com/links/1566986

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
  Free ideas as in free beers
 
  * NOEL GALLAGHER OR BUCKET OF PISS? The new
  exciting picture quiz that's storming the
  internet. Next week - Ian Brown or Twat?
  Actually this could work - close ups of hairy
  bits.

  * CUP OF TEA: THE TEXT ADVENTURE - don't drink
  it too hot, you'll burn your ascii lips.

  * A BUSINESS THAT NEVER NEEDS TO PAY ITS
  FREELANCERS BY ASSANINATING THEM BEFORE THEY
  INVOICE - and uses freelance assassins to
  assassinate the assassins to solve that bit
  too. C'mon Jeff Bezos, you can do this.

  Flush your shite into our cyber toilet:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/ 

-------------------------------------------------

: PATREON THANKS 
  We love all these people. Almost romantically.

  *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
  MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
  JAMES* *STOOBERT*

  24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
  EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
  LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
  VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
  SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
  ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH

  Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
  lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
  Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
  Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
  Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
  Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
  blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
  McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
  Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
  Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
  Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
  Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
  Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
  James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
  Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
  Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
  Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
  James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
  Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
  Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
  McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
  Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
  Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
  Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
  Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
  Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
  Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
  Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
  Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
  bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
  Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
  wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
  Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
  Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
  Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
  Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
  Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
  Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
  Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
  Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
  Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
  Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
  Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
  Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
  Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
  Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
  Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
  Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
  Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
  Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
  McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
  Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
  Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
  Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
  Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
  Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
  Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
  Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
  Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
  Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
  Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
  Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
  Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
  Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
  peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
  Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
  Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
  Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
  Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
  Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
  Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
  John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
  Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
  Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
  Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
  olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
  M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
  Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
  Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
  Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
  Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
  Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
  Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
  Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
  McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
  Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
  Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
  Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
  Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
  Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
  Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
  Kahn, Matt.

  EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
  additional links; HappyToast for image
  challenge help; and Dr Dunno for something or
  other. Proofing by Kat E.

  And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
  Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
  Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
  Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
  NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
  Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
  Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
  Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
  Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
  Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
  Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
  Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST -
  special love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart.
  We love you and do please donate as you get
  occasional bonus content.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta

 
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