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NEWSLETTER: "IMAGINE OPENING THIS NEWSLETTER WILL MAKE YOU EVEN MORE SEXUALLY ATTRACTIVE"

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This Week:
* AUGMENTED REALITY SANDWICHES - Finally!
* WICKER MAN / BOND - Mashed up together
* CHALLENGE - Northern films (quite good)

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're shitting on your
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |    boss's desk
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|     ... together"

B3ta email 775 - 18th Jun 2021

Ram this issue up your pee hole and TikTok it:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue775

-------------------------------------------------

: UPSHOT SPONSORSHIP
  Spicing up the bland world of sports coverage

  If you like sport, you'll love the Upshot - a
  weekly newsletter dishing out gossip,
  controversy and tasteless jokes from the world
  of British sport.

  Sign up for free and get a five minute hit of
  sporting filth every Friday.
https://upshot.email/

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE MADE THIS WEEK
  Other than selling their back sweat as saltylick 

  * WICKER MAN / BOND MASH UP - pixel twiddler
  to the stars Mozza writes, "Apart from the
  fact that both The Wicker Man (1973) and The
  Man With the Golden Gun (1975) starred
  Christopher Lee and Britt Eckland, there were
  enough similarities between the island arrival
  scenes in each to attempt a cut-and-shut. I
  shoved the clips in Final Cut and, with
  minimal tweaking, it basically mashed itself."
https://b3ta.com/links/The_Wicker_Man_With_the_Gol...

  * AUGMENTED REALITY CRISP SANDWICH - Matt
  Round writes, "We’ve given you photos, videos,
  illustrations & 3D models, but now you can
  instantly bring a delicious 3D crisp sandwich
  right into your surroundings."
https://vole.wtf/buttystock/ar/

  * DIY HORROR MOVIE - Jamie Hooper writes, "I
  made this short horror film during the first
  UK lockdown with what I had available... my
  phone, a cheap reading light, and my wonderful
  girlfriend. Waking up in the middle of the
  night, a young woman realises she's not alone,
  and something is taking her photo."
https://vimeo.com/jamiehooper/darkmode

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We hear eBay has banned Ian Astbury and Ultravox CDs.
Can't sell Cult / Ure.

-------------------------------------------------

: HEBTRO SPONSORSHIP
  Buy some lovely jeans

  Thanks to Hebtro for sponsoring b3ta, helping
  us to be able to put the time into researching
  this newsletter every week. They make powerful
  jeans that aren't cheap but will last a long
  time and every pair bought helps support
  stupid internet nonsense so dig deep you
  lovely people.
https://hebtro.co/

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: FESSHOLE
  Your confessions pooped out for cheap lols

  * BED - "If I've just changed the bed, I
  always make sure my husband finishes off in my
  mouth for a few days so I can enjoy clean
  sheets for longer."

  * READING - "I bought my 78-year-old mum a
  Kindle to help get her through lockdown,
  linked it to my Amazon Prime account, and told
  her to download whatever she wanted. Since
  then she's been downloading two or three
  filthy books a week. She doesn't know I know
  and I'm keeping my mouth shut."

  * HEADLINES - "My wife and I did a 'message in
  a bottle' in 1999 for our son to find. We
  dated it 1956 and from another continent. We
  planted the bottle on the beach but then
  couldn't find it. 3 weeks later it was front
  page news in our local newspaper. We didn't
  own up."

  Also a special mention the BBC who decided to
  write up one confession and the subsequent
  replies as the article "The relatives frozen
  in time on Google Street View" 
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-57511055

  BTW: Your editor was interviewed about the
  Fesshole stuff on the Make Life Work podcast
  this week - where he completely failed to
  mention any of the funny(ish) confessions but
  hey, if you're bored, you might give it a
  listen.
https://makelifeworkpodcast.com/fesshole-with-rob-...

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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Some stuff made by other people that's okish

  * BBC DEV LOLS - Looks like just a stock photo
  header... but try editing the text on the
  laptop screen and BOOM, well you can.
https://developer.bbc.com/login-required

  * DOWNLOAD LOADS OF OLD RADIO - Second BBC
  link and just a heads up that they've expanded
  the amount of material available to listen to
  from the archive. Now there's something like
  200,000 bits and bobs. You could probably lose
  the rest of your life in this.
https://genome.ch.bbc.co.uk/

  * TREK LOLS - We all know the Star Trek bit
  about Picard's uniform constantly riding up so
  he'd have to pull it down every time he stood
  up - but now it's even better with editing. 
https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php

  * MACPAINT SIMULATOR - Photoshop in the
  browser is impressive enough, but now MacPaint
  is available online, in order to draw rude
  HyperCards for DMing at Steve Wozniak. 
https://beyondloom.com/tools/ditherpaint.html

  * LOCKDOWN SONG - If you don't heavily relate
  to this video then you're not our friend.
https://b3ta.com/links/The_Big_Breakfast_video

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: FRIDAY GAME
  Maze Of The Mini Taur  

  A mash-up of a sliding-block puzzle and a
  platformer. For some reason, none of the
  levels are locked, so you can just jump to the
  end if you are a massive cheat and can live
  with that on your conscience.  
https://z-richman.itch.io/maze-of-the-mini-taur

-------------------------------------------------

: IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Northern films

  They're currently filming Indiana Jones in
  Yorkshire. What other Hollywood blockbusters
  should be relocated to the North of England
  and what would that look like? This is quite
  fun and worth a click.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/northernfilms/popular

-------------------------------------------------

: FOLLOW UPS
  What happened next on previous stories

  * GOODBYE HUGO RUNE, YOU WILL BE MISSED -
  shocked and saddened to share the news that
  we've lost old school b3tan Hugo Rune far too
  soon - if you'd like to pay your respects:
https://b3ta.com/board/11346118

  * B3TA ADS SCORE REPEAT BUSINESS - Thank you
  to our newsletter sponsor Upshot for buying an
  additional month - they're an email newsletter
  about sport and the founder said that
  sponsorship went well for them so they're back
  for more. So please return the love (should
  you like sport) by signing up at
https://upshot.email/

-------------------------------------------------

How does Bob Marley like his doughnuts?

He doesn't - he's dead.

https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/...

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
  Some ideas to kick you off
 
  * A 'GO AND LIVE ON A FARM' SERVICE FOR OLD
  DVDS - we've got loads of DVDs and CDs and
  stuff and we're too attached to bin them or
  charity shop them. Can't there be a pretend
  farm they could go to, like you tell children
  when you kill their pets?

  * A DELETE BUTTON FOR THE STONE THAT EVERYONE
  HAS PUT ON IN LOCKDOWN - Jesus wept, we can't
  even do up the big trousers we had to buy from
  getting fat over the last lockdown.

  * MAGIC BOOZE THAT DOESN'T MAKE YOU USELESS OR
  FAT - why can't science solve this simple
  problem that's plaguing humanity?

  Sling your junk in our web trunk:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/ 

-------------------------------------------------

It will take 38,446,700,000 penises placed end
to end to reach The Moon.

(This was a fact from a webpage that Hugo Rune
once produced to get a mention in this very
newsletter.)

-------------------------------------------------

: PATREON THANKS 
  We love all these people. Almost romantically.

  *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
  MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
  JAMES* *STOOBERT*

  24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
  EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
  LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
  VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
  SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
  ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH

  Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
  lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
  Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
  Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
  Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
  Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
  blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
  McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
  Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
  Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
  Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
  Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
  Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
  James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
  Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
  Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
  Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
  James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
  Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
  Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
  McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
  Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
  Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
  Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
  Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
  Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
  Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
  Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
  Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
  bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
  Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
  wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
  Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
  Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
  Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
  Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
  Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
  Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
  Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
  Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
  Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
  Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
  Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
  Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
  Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
  Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
  Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
  Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
  Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
  Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
  McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
  Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
  Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
  Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
  Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
  Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
  Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
  Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
  Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
  Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
  Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
  Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
  Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
  Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
  peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
  Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
  Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
  Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
  Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
  Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
  Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
  John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
  Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
  Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
  Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
  olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
  M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
  Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
  Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
  Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
  Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
  Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
  Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
  Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
  McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
  Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
  Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
  Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
  Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
  Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
  Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
  Kahn, Matt.

  EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
  additional links; HappyToast for image
  challenge help; and Dr Dunno for extra
  support. Proofing by David S - Kat E is having
  a week off so thanks David.

  And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
  Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
  Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
  Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
  NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
  Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
  Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
  Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
  Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
  Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
  Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
  Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST -
  special love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart.
  NEW NEWSEST - extra love love love to si
  Jobling & Danuel Calvin. We love you and do
  please donate as you get occasional bonus
  content.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta

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