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NEWSLETTER: "THE FOOTBALL WILL ONLY BE DISAPPOINTING, PLAY WITH US INSTEAD"

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This Week:
* IMAGE CHALLENGE: Food in Art
* BLOGS - Are they back? Did they go away?
* DR DUNNO - Launches his sitcom art book
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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |  "We're saving the web
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   by uploading ASCII
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|   porn to archive.org"

B3ta email 839 - 25 Nov 2022

Read this issue to your confused looking cat:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue839

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
  Other than making horrible smells in the loo

  * OLD GAMES QUIZ - Blombluss writes, "I've made
  a daft quiz called 'The
  Famous-Old-Games-On-Obscure-ish-Systems Quiz'.
  It is, unsurprisingly, about well known old
  computer/video/arcade games, and when they're
  converted to less well known gaming systems."
  Ooh, this is nicely written and researched but
  could really do with Monkeon or someone to make
  it work as a clicky quiz. Still, it's fun to
  read.
https://blombluss.tumblr.com

  * DR DUNNO AKA CHRISTHEBARKER'S BOOK - as
  featured in this very newsletter a few weeks
  back, Chris Barker's insanely comprehensive
  thread of sitcoms made into classic art has
  broken the internet, and Chris has made a
  version you can order as a book for Xmas. He
  says, "Tell your friends, tell your family
  (unless you're buying it for them as a surprise
  obviously)."
https://shop.printtrail.com/product/chris-barker-b...

  * NO HTML - As front-end code gets heavier and
  heavier, often for no particular reason,
  old-school devs have been pushing back with
  requests to consider using HTML in the nip as
  God (Tim Berners-Lee) intended. Terence Eden
  takes this one step further by showing you don't
  even need HTML to communicate, and drew a lovely
  version of the Arecibo message to prove it.
https://no-ht.ml

  * WEBLOGS ARE BACK, BABY! Phil Gyford writes, "I
  was tired of hearing 'no body blogs any more'
  and wanted to show that there are so. many.
  Blogs! I have loads more blogs and features to
  add yet, and I hope you find something
  interesting."
https://ooh.directory

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: SPONSORED LINKY-DINKY
  Buy a 'Day Book'

  B3ta reader Keith Ford writes, "I ran out of Day
  books in my office, and saw shops wanted £20 for
  a new Moleskine so I designed a custom day book
  set out to keep track of everything. It just
  helps me organise my thinking, and stops me
  forgetting important things. It is on Amazon, so
  I thought I would have a go at punting it in the
  B3ta newsletter to sell a few." 
https://bit.ly/3hSmrJ8

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: FESSHOLE 
  Your confessions fessed up for cheapo lols

  Each week we ask you to confess stuff and then
  tweet out a few that make us laugh:

  * OOH DUCKY - "8 years ago I found a rubber duck
  in my desk drawer & joked to colleagues that i
  collect them. They started buying them for me &
  now I've got 100's. Even clients joined in
  giving me corporate branded ducks as gifts. For
  my 40th they had a whip round & bought a rare
  collectible."

  * WHEELY GOOD IDEA - "When clearing out my dad's
  house after he died, I kept his wheelchair. We
  take it to Alton Towers and don't have to queue
  for anything. Thanks dad."

  * CUTE? - "My wife doesn't know but, I drop the
  answer to Wordle into casual conversation each
  morning. I like to think this subliminally helps
  her in the very competitive daily Wordle
  competition she has with her work colleagues.
  She's now winning."

  Join the absolutely astonishing numbers who
  follow this bollocks, it's at 730k at time of
  going to "print". Thanks Alan Sugar. 
https://twitter.com/fesshole/

  If you're stuck for Christmas present ideas -
  there's plenty of funny and bad taste
  confessions in the Fesshole book, also the odd
  heartwarming one too.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/18041903...

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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
  Christmas means durable stocking fillers

  It's coming up to Christmas, so it's time to buy
  the men in your life some durable jeans and
  shirts so they look swish for the new year. Buy
  lots of them too so that Hebtro don't think it's
  a bad idea to keep sponsoring this terrible
  newsletter. Link goes to all the new stuff, so
  get gift buying.
https://hebtro.co/new/

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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Content made by people outside our inbox

  * WHY NOT SLEEP WITH A HUGE MAN SIZED TEDDY BEAR
  - because you're probably not this insane, but
  the pics are worth a look.
https://www.puffybear.com/
  
  * TOP GUN WITH A CAT - of course watching a big
  silly action film with a kitty is going to be
  better. This is canon now, this is the film Tom
  Cruise made and we love him for it.
https://b3ta.com/links/Top_Gun_with_a_cat

  * WHOLE FILMS IN A SINGLE PHOTO - Photographs of
  entire films by using long exposure. You could
  turn this into a quiz if you could be arsed,
  although they all look a bit like the Shroud of
  Turin. Or Rorschach tests of psychedelic minges.
https://www.jasonshulmanstudio.com/photographs-of-...

  * THE ONLY INFOGRAPHIC THAT MATTERS - American
  men's facial hair styles in college yearbooks
  from 1998-2008. Please please please can this
  fad be over so we're allowed to shave again.
https://twitter.com/conradhackett/status/159337014...

  * SPECTRUM NEEDLEPOINT - you probably didn't
  need to see the old absorb-them-up game The
  Sentinel rendered in needlepoint, but it works
  very well. Hopefully next week they'll tackle
  Sam Fox Strip Poker, so that you can have a wank
  and have something to wipe it up with in one go.
https://www.marine.st/en

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: FRIDAY GAME
  And it's a clicky game

  A surreal alchemy clicker in which you must
  create all sorts of objects, starting with your
  bodily fluids alone.  The title comes from a
  myth that the barnacle goose grows itself from
  driftwood.  The game runs along with that type
  of witchy thinking as its internal logic, and is
  a nicely atmospheric bit of nonsense.
https://everest-pipkin.com/barnacle-goose/

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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Break the internet

  Here's the best images from last week:

  * Octo mocks the Tories
http://b3ta.com/board/11381149

  * Plankton mocks Google
http://b3ta.com/board/11381088

  * Monkeon mocks Musk
http://b3ta.com/board/11381043

  * See all the other images from the 'Break the
  internet' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/breakinternet/popular

  >> This week: Food in Art <<
  Add food to famous works of art, like soup cans
  to Andy Warhol's work or something.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/foodinart/popular

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: OH AND WE SHOULD PIMP THE FESSHOLE SHOW AGAIN
  December 21st, that London

  Do come because your editor plans to do the show
  and then hang around and chat with
  b3tans/fessholians who fancy getting pissed.
  Tickets are selling well, well we've sold over
  half, so book now to avoid "disappointment". 
https://www.designmynight.com/london/whats-on/come...

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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
  Some ideas to kick you off

  * ULTIMATE LOO READ - A toilet book that's
  photographs of the labels of ingredients in
  soap, air freshener etc, the stuff you read when
  you forget the phone, with box outs of
  interesting facts explaining what they all mean.

  * PISS TEST - we need urine science to see which
  creates the least piss splatter back on your
  clothes, peeing in the water or peeing against
  the bowl.

  * TRANCENTRAL, THE POINT AND CLICK ADVENTURE -
  it's 1990 and Bill Drummond has commissioned YOU
  to write the KLF's first foray into gaming.
  C'mon Monkeon. You can write this.

  Send us your best, best stuff:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: PATREON THANKS 
  We love all these people. Almost romantically.

  *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
  MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
  JAMES* *STOOBERT*

  24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
  EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
  LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
  VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
  SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
  ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH

  Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
  lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
  Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
  Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
  Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
  Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
  blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
  Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
  Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
  Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
  Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
  Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
  H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
  Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
  Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
  Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
  Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
  Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
  Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
  McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
  Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
  Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
  Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
  Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
  Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
  Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
  mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
  OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
  Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
  Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
  pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
  Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
  RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
  sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
  McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
  Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
  Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
  Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
  Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
  Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
  Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
  Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
  Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
  Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
  Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
  James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
  Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
  Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
  Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
  Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
  Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
  Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
  Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
  Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
  Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
  Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
  Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
  Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
  STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
  Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
  Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
  Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
  Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
  Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
  Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
  Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
  Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
  Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
  Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
  FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
  Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
  Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
  Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
  madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
  Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
  Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
  Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
  Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
  Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
  Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
  Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
  Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
  Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
  Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
  Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
  Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.

  EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
  additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
  help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
  by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (You’re welcome - Kat)

  And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
  Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
  Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
  Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
  NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
  Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
  Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
  Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
  Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
  Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
  Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
  Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
  love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
  - extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
  Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
  Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
  and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
  McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
  Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
  PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
  Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
  the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
  to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
  appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
  Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
  Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
  Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
  YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
  Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
  you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
  Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx.

  And do please donate as you get occasional
  "bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta

-------------------------------------------------

: I'M SORRY I'VE WRITTEN A JOKE
  Grrrmachine wishes to make some apologies

  How many drinks can a Prussian knight drink?
  Two tonics.
https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/...

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