NEWSLETTER: "B3TA PUBLISHES 843TH NEWSLETTER TO DISTRACT YOU FROM TORY CHAOS"
This Week:
* MATT ROUND - His selling webpage gimmick worked?!
* KUNT - Storms the charts, well no 7, close enough
* FESSHOLE/HERRING - the podcast you didn't ask for
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're boozing extra
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | for Drinkuary
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| ... together"
B3ta email 843 - 06 Jan 2023
Pretend this is a podcast by reading it out:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue843
Subscribe: https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Lots to talk about, loads, tuck in
* CONGRATULATIONS TO MATT ROUND - for selling
his circle game. As not very exclusively
revealed in this very newsletter a month back,
Matt is allowing people to buy the games he's
made for Vole.WTF and holy shit has he found a
buyer - internet legend Neal.FUN has stumped up
some cash for his circular viral monster. BTW:
These old b3ta newsletters are also for sale,
for some buttons and a bit of string. Ooh look
where the redirect goes:
https://vole.wtf/perfect-circle/
* RESIGNATION COMPILATION - Scary has been
compiling all the politicians who resigned in
2022 in a neat little video. Here's hoping for a
bumper crop for 2023, Rishi Sunak really does
need to spend more time with his very rich
family.
https://b3ta.com/links/Resignation_Compilation
* FESSHOLE / RICHARD HERRING PODCAST - In promo
for the Fesshole book your editor went on
Richard Herring's podcast, and in an attempt to
make it not just rambling on, he did prep a bit
about the things he never posts. So that should
be a treat for your weary ears:
https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/rhlstp-with-...
* SUPPORT THE 'APOCALYPSE RECOVERY COMPUTING
CLUSTER' - Speaking of Matt Round, his latest
project is asking you to chuck down a few quid
to support his production of some weird nuclear
device that he plans to launch for next
Christmas. We're in.
https://vole.wtf/arcc/
* CHRIS BARKER PUTS ON EXHIBITION - Chris, whose
images have been gracing the B3ta boards for 20
years, has recently had a bit of an uplift by
his sitcom version of famous art stuff going
viral on that Twitter. The Museum of Comedy have
got in touch offering him an exhibition and he's
bitten their fucking arm off because of course
he has.
https://museumofcomedy.com/whats-on/chris-barker/
* AND OF COURSE, WELL DONE TO KUNT - and his
team of helpers which included B3tans Ricardo
Autobahn, CassetteBoy and your editor Sir Robert
of Manuel, in getting to No 7 in the Christmas
charts with F**k the Tories.
https://theconservatives.info/
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Go on, buy some lovely clothes
Thank you to Hebtro for their continued
sponsorship of B3ta and Fesshole through the
years, it's really helped keep the lights on in
our sinister bunker where we plan world
domination and weak lols. Do check out their
range of new clothes for 2023, there's loads of
great stuff that's ideal for presents, and also
to keep you toasty warm this winter.
https://hebtro.co/new/
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: FESSHOLE
Your confessions turned into 'favs'
Each week you shout your fibs into a bin, and we
recycle them on Friends Reunited for a few
internet thumbs ups:
* GENIUS - "The flat underneath mine is empty
and has been for a while. I arranged a viewing
so I could up the thermostat when the letting
agent wasn't looking to save on me putting my
heating on so much."
* WE'VE ALL DONE IT - "I never finished
university. Nobody knows this - not my wife,
friends, or employer. They all think that degree
is real. In fact, I made it myself on my
computer, in MS Paint."
* FFS " The wife loves Michael Buble. When we
first started dating I told her I did too in
order to impress her. Must have spent about £2k
seeing him live over the years. Can't stand
him."
If this is your bag, join the 825,000 people who
like replying with tedious John Peel memes:
https://twitter.com/fesshole/
Of course the book is still for sale, now at a
post-Christmas sale price of £6.49. We wondered
how that happened - it's because Waterstones
halved the price of most of their stock in the
sale and Amazon price-matched it. So get in
quick before Waterstones sell out and Amazon
sticks the price back up.
https://amzn.to/3EQU6wb
* FESSHOLE LIVE, LEICESTER COMEDY FESTIVAL, 11TH
FEB - The Fesshole Roadshow is coming to the
largest settlement in the East Midlands. Be
there or don't be there, either way, do buy a
ticket so we can do more of this nonsense:
https://comedy-festival.co.uk/event/fesshole-live/
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: GOATSE OF THE WEEK
Shareware Marketing company's chance to shine
For our readers under about 50, on the old
internet, people used to send each other 'shock
images' like tubgirl, meatspin and goatse, where
a lovely gentleman showed you right up his
bumhole by pulling it apart with both hands.
Occasionally things resemble this.
https://cohost.org/SpindleyQ/post/78288-fun-sharew...
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Your new year's links for whatever the hell year it is
* CRAP GAMES 2022 - New year, so another
Sinclair Crap Games Competition to look back on.
Featuring a dreadful new Horace game (hopefully
the trademark trolls aren't still being dicks
with 'their' ownership of that), a Ronseal
Thameslink Simulator, and a game in which you
must take a dump in Putin's mouth, which must
surely be enough stop the war, otherwise all
satire is powerless.
http://crapgamescompetition2022.great-site.net/
* WE'RE ALL OLD AND ARE GOING TO DIE - The
Meldrew Point is the moment when someone hits
53, the age Richard Wilson was when he began
shooting One Foot In The Grave. This list
elaborates on that depressing idea with a load
of other britcom characters. Doesn't currently
have a Compo point (59), but it still seems to
be a work-in-progress.
https://brokentv.uk/2023/01/01/the-mega-meldrew-po...
* EVERYONE IN EVERY FILM IS DEAD - Pretty sure
it's Tom Baker's autobiography that features a
rumination on how film means the dead entertain
the living long after they are gone. Find out
how true that is of your favourite films with
this useful tool that tells you how many people
in it have kicked the bucket.
https://deadabase.online
* MAKE MUSIC WITH CODE WEBSITE - Oxygene Pt 4
perfectly emulated in Javascript is a thing of
extraordinary beauty
https://dittytoy.net/ditty/24373308b4
* COLLABORATIVE VAMPYR SOUNDTRACK - This is a
neat idea we're a bit jealous of. Nobody really
wants to hear your ambient doodlings in music
apps do they, but this group of people have hit
on the idea of soundtracking an out-of-copyright
film, and suddenly, wham, yes stick it on in the
background, great.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
* FUNNY MUSIC GUY, DOING COPYRIGHT RIGHT - Tom
Lehrer - still alive at 94, dontcha know - has
made all his works publicly available. Limited
time only, apparently, so get 'em while you can.
https://tomlehrersongs.com/
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Sci-fi Christmas
Here's the best images from last week:
* "It's full of very pretty stars!" - from Octo
http://b3ta.com/board/11384123
* "Ambadisor, I know kung-fu" - from
2kindsofherring
http://b3ta.com/board/11383902
* "Wake up, time to diet" - from Monkeon
http://b3ta.com/board/11383888
* See all the other images from the 'Scifi
Christmas' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/scifixmas/popular
>> This week: Pop Star Jobs <<
It's a new year, a time for change, when people
consider a new career, even pop stars! Give
famous musicians new jobs, show them what they
could have been if they weren't jetting around
doing songs.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/popstarjobs/popular
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some ideas to kick you off
* BIN-JUICE STREAMING - a nice front end for the
most junky streaming on the web: typing 'act
name full album' into YouTube. Plus, obviously,
a bit of ad blocking,
* RATE THE ROUNDNESS OF MY CAT - if there isn't
a novelty Twitter account for rating pics of
round cats, it's a solid idea
* MUGSHOTS - a project for people who want to
share their photos of kitchen mugs and the
stories behind them. Resist calling this project
'world cup'.
Send your projects to the Magic Donkey:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (You're welcome - Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: I'M SORRY I'VE WRITTEN A JOKE
Holymole really should apologise for this one
What bees leave you paralyzed & violated?
Cos-Bees
https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/...
