NEWSLETTER: "YOUR RESULTS OF YOUR BUM TEST ARE HERE: IT'S VERY SMELLY"
This Week:
* CHALLENGE: Modernise Books
* TOY - Stupid chat bot
* GAME - draw some MS Paint stuff
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're shitting up
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | the web with terrible
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| content... together"
B3ta email 850 - 23 Feb 2023
Ask AI to read this issue in the voice of Kojak:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue850
Subscribe: https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making their family despair
* MODERNISING BOOKS - probably the best bit of
B3ta entertainment this week is our image
challenge where we've asked you to provide your
own (in)sensitivity reading to the classics and
update them for now. Put b3tans in charge of the
entire publishing industry now.
https://b3ta.com/challenge/modernisebooks/popular/
* STUPID CHAT BOT - dumbdestroy7 writes,
"Thought you might find this funny. It's an AI
chatbot that's been trained on all the dumbest
stuff in the world (Homer Simpson quotes, Pauly
Shore screenplays, that one bodybuilding forum
where they argued about how many days there were
in the week, etc). The first AI you don't have
to fear will steal your job or overthrow
humanity. It's pretty fun to chat with as well."
Yep, we were entertained as it doesn't do
particularly predictable things.
https://2dumb2destroy.com/
* D-DAY SOUND COLLAGE - The centuries of sounds
blokes writes, "Hello! I have recently made
this. Fairly self-explanatory." Yep, 82 mins of
sound of the Normandy landings which kicked off
the liberation of France and the end of the
second world war.
https://centuriesofsound.com/2023/02/06/d-day-tues...
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Buy some lovely threads
The god-like men at Hebtro sponsor B3ta &
Fesshole and they also make durable clothes to
cover up your nakedness and shame. Each one is
made in the UK and to the highest standards so
it won't fall apart in the first wash. Get some
NOW.
https://hebtro.co/new/
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: FESSHOLE
Your confesses coughed up like cat sick
Each week you fling your lies into a Google bin
and we fish around for a few to tweet out for
precious internet likes:
* DUMPED - "My ex-husband cheated on me. When I
divorced him, he told me I was too ugly to find
someone else and that I would be alone for the
rest of my life. The next day, I fucked one of
his friends. The day after, I fucked his other
friend."
* ART PRANKERS - "Graphic designer by trade. I
produce fake covers for novels that don't exist
- Harry Potter 9, Thursday Murder Club 4 etc -
and stick them to whatever book I'm reading on
the train. If anyone asks, I beg them not to
tell anyone as the book is secret and not
published yet."
* FUCK YOU, SMILEY - "I was chair of an
interview panel and didn't give the best
candidate the job because they were too fucking
cheerful and I couldn't put up with that shit
everyday."
Join the 0.9 million people who have mistaken
this tawdry account for that cool one that posts
single frames of the 1979 BBC series Shoestring
with no context.
https://twitter.com/fesshole/
* BOOK BOOK BOOK - Remember you can still buy
the book, it costs absolutely fuck all at £6.49,
which is the same price as a coffee if you're
being ripped off somewhere swanky.
https://amzn.to/3EQU6wb
* FESSHOLE LIVE: EDINBURGH - your editor is
bringing Fesshole to Scotlandshire on April 25th
at the legendary Monkey Barrel. Tickets on sale
NOW.
https://www.designmynight.com/edinburgh/whats-on/c...
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: FRIDAY GAME
Nice drawing game
How good are your MS Paint skills? Copy the bad
art, and get points for how close it is to the
original. All tasteful imagery, so it doesn't
really matter that there's no magenta in the
colour palette for b3tans to draw with.
https://xella.itch.io/plagiarism-4-profit
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Content made by people we can't claim as B3tan
* GOOD ACTUALLY COMEDY SONG - Most comedy songs
are pretty dreadful but this kept us
entertained, so with that faint praise, enjoy
this Australian dude singing about how he
doesn't work here.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
* NUCLEAR TOURISM - Astonishing photos of
happier, simpler, more cancer-y times.
https://rarehistoricalphotos.com/atomic-tourism-la...
* MAKING UNHAPPY TOAST - Incredibly stressful
short film of a man trying to carbonise bread.
Our heart rate was dangerously increased.
https://b3ta.com/links/Making_Toast
* DON'T MUSKY WITH MY BUSINESS - See how well
Elon Musk's $44 billion attention machine is
doing by looking at how much press coverage he
gets over time. Sadly doesn't have data from
before December for the first couple of hectic
months, but there does seem to be a noticeable
decline from almost everyone apart from Fox News
who lurrrrve him and want to colonise Mars with
his babies.
https://dayssincelastelon.com
* WEATHER AS ART - Turn last year's weather into
pretty patterns which you can enjoy as pixel
art, use as a knitting pattern, or stare at that
alarming red line from last summer and feel some
of that creeping climate anxiety.
https://temperature-blanket.com
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Balloons
Who doesn't like balloons? Birthday, Hot air,
Weather, Barrage, Denied Spy Satellite, there's
a balloon for everyone. See all the images from
the 'Balloons' challenge now:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/balloons/popular
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some ideas to kick you off
* MICHAEL JACKSON BREAK OUT - just that the
cover to the single of Billie Jean does rather
look playable
https://twitter.com/botofthepops/status/1627700601...
* 'SOUP IS JUST GRAVY WITH AN A-LEVEL' - a huge,
crowd-sourced project to describe food in
amusing ways.
* MEAT PRODUCT OR GRINDR USER NAME - this is
largely off the back of buying 'big daddy beef
rump steak' in Sainsbury's.
Don't be a tragic plonky, send your projects to the Magic Donkey:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (You're welcome - Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: AH FUCK IT, BONUS FESSHOLE
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not sick - but my mum has been struggling
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