NEWSLETTER: "THE OFFICIAL FAN CLUB NEWSLETTER OF YOUR ENDLESS BOTTY BURPS"
This Week:
* GAME - hunt for "jobs" on LinkedIn
* BREAKFAST - sing whilst eating some
* SAUSAGES - Present this newsletter to your butcher*
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're sorry we saved
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | the web, we won't do
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| it again... together"
B3ta email 851 - 3rd March 2023
* Read this issue to your poor confused butcher:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue851
Subscribe: https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
* JOB HUNT - Pbhenningsen writes, "Hey! You guys
have featured a few projects I've worked on
before: The Doomsday Alarm Clock, You Have Not
Died of Dysentery. Thought you might find this
funny. It's called JOB HUNT. It's DUCK HUNT, but
with Linkedin job posts instead of ducks. If you
don't shoot your resume out fast enough, all the
opportunities will fly away."
https://woe-industries.itch.io/job-hunt-new-post
* BREAKFAST - Si Bennett has written a song
extolling the virtues of a Full English. See if
you end up singing it, Saturday morning, with
your fry-up treat.
https://b3ta.com/links/Breakfast:3
* MODERNISING BOOKS - The updating literature
challenge is still going well. Over 140 entries
now, it's like a B3ta challenge from when we
were cool in the 1990s, like an internet version
of the pop group Sleeper.
https://b3ta.com/challenge/modernisebooks/popular/
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Buy some natty threads
Each week the crew at Hebtro live in fear over
what text we'll stick in this bit in exchange
for their sponsorship money, but worry not, it's
only tell you, dear reader that they make really
great clothes, designed to last a long time and
that they're frankly cheap for the wear you'll
get out of them. And they're both very very
handsome, so get your gardening gloves on Mum,
there's plenty of pictures:
https://hebtro.co/new/
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: FESSHOLE
Your 'fesses 'fessed up as 'fessions
Each week we implore you to stop sending us
confessions and yet you never listen. So with a
heavy heart we have to report that you are at it
again:
* DAD, NO - "After a heavy night at a friends I
had a horrible feeling I'd driven my car home.
It was only a few streets but I was alarmed when
I saw my car parked outside. Imagine how I felt
when it dawned on me that my 14 year old son
drove me home, and he was also very drunk."
* BAD HUSBAND - "My husband didn't buy me
anything for Valentine's Day so I ordered a
dozen red roses to be delivered and thanked him
for getting me them. He said 'you're welcome'.
He now thinks I have an admirer. Keep the
miserable bastard on his toes."
* MORE DAD WHIMSY - "On the morning school run,
once I've dropped my son, I drive past another
dad. We always look out for each-other and
exchange a wave.Every morning for 5 years now.
We've never spoken a word, don't know eachothers
names but that wave to my mate brings me
happiness each morning."
Join the 910k people who've mistaken this
terrible account for that popular one that posts
pictures of David Sylvian with his lipstick out.
https://twitter.com/fesshole/
You might as well buy the book, it's £6.49 which
is fuck all really and you could probably use
the hard shiny cover to snort Ajax off.
https://amzn.to/3EQU6wb
* Do come to the next Fesshole show which is on
the 25th of April in Edinburgh in the future
Free Republic of Scotland.
https://www.designmynight.com/edinburgh/whats-on/c...
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: FRIDAY GAME
Contexto
One of those one game per day things that have
sprung up since Wordle ruined your Mum's brain.
This one asks you to guess a word using
similarity. Kinda like that warmer/colder game
kids play. But with language.
https://contexto.me/
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Bookmark these for the next time Twitter is borked
* MAZE GAME - We love Gauntlet, but find that
most dungeon crawlers require a bit too much
effort in learning the rules. This mini
game-a-day emoji version is just right, though
we're unsure how much skill is actually involved
in winning. Either it's really easy, or we've
still got the required ability from the many
hours we spent as a Valkyrie on our Amstrad CPC
464 with colour monitor.
https://rogule.com
* AI QUIZ - Not entirely awful AI idea of the
week is this quiz that mashes up two movies, and
you must identify both. AI's skills appear to
be still at the gag-free face-swaps stage of
Photoshopping, so b3ta is mostly safe for now.
https://cinemashle.com
* DOPE FLAT - whoever lived here last probably
ended up in jail. Check all the photos.
https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/131970932#/?channel=RES_BUY
* TOP 50 BRITISH HORROR FILMS - a list, no come
back, a good one which will make you want to
work through it and watch the ones you haven't
seen already.
https://www.horrifiedmagazine.co.uk/film/top-50-br...
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Free ideas to nourish your creative soup juice
* RATE MY CUP OF TEA - a game where you make a
cup of tea and an English person criticises you
for doing it wrong.
* WHOSE LINE OF CODE IS IT ANYWAY? - an improv
show where the prompts are all from an AI Clive
Anderson asking a real troop of actors to
perform Friends scripts where AI has made Joey
into a bag of inert gas (etc).
* ADULT WORK VS BIG DATA - there was a recent
@anon_opin which claimed "There are 16352 UK
escorts listed on Adultwork. Of these only 2072
have pubic hair of some fashion." Honestly, this
is gold, what could you get out of a deep data
dive on this source? A PhD? A hit book?
Don't fail us, it's time to mail us:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (You're welcome - Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: AH FUCK IT, BONUS FESSHOLE
I was called into a meeting with HR over white
powder residue found on my desk by the cleaners.
I was deeply embarrassed but had to come clean
that at 48 years old I still enjoy a sherbet Dip
Dap.
