NEWSLETTER: "ALL WE ARE SAYING IS GIVE PISS A CHANCE"
This Week:
* OLD WEBSITE BOT - relive the Geocities-era
* KUNT UPDATE - Get ready to buy the single
* SOCIAL MEDIA - Finally without humans
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the web
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | by backing it up on zip
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| disks... together"
B3ta email 859 - 28th Apr 2023
Read this issue to your confused but loyal dog:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue859
Subscribe, you mooks: https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making poos and wees
* OLD WEBSITE BOT - CosmicMozzie writes, "Hey, a
while ago I released a bot that generates videos
of archived web pages and media files. The bot
supports formats like Flash, Shockwave, Java,
VRML, MIDI, etc. Since it has a similar vibe to
your GIF bots, do you think you could give it a
boost?" Ah fuck it, why not.
https://twitter.com/waybackwanderer
* B3TAN OPPRESSED BY THE GOVERNMENT - ok we're
over egging the headline here, but we're
amused/alarmed to see old school b3tan Kate
Devlin turn up on Newsnight talking about how
they were shunted out of talking a talk to the
civil service because of their tweets. Guess
we'd all be fucked on this one but is Rishi
wants us to talk about Fesshole we're not doing
it for less than £50k and a Twix.
https://twitter.com/BBCNewsnight/status/1651248734...
* KUNT UPDATE - Kunt writes, "Scrap The Monarchy
is released next Friday 05/05/23 and for anyone
that wants a selfie, The Krown Jewelz will be in
London on Coronation day with a giant Jimmy
Savile." Honestly we're split on the monarchy
stuff, on one hand, they're fucking terrible,
but on the other hand, do we really want Liz
Truss or whoever as the head of the state people
pledge allegiance too? Anyway, support Kunt if
that's your bag.
https://youtube.com/watch
* GOT A PROBLEM MATE, PODCAST - your editor was
recently asked on a podcast to talk some
bollocks and he did exactly that, so good luck
listeners.
https://shows.acast.com/got-a-problem-mate/episode...
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Buy some lovely clothes
Each week we implore you to buy some new threads
from our wonderful sponsor who only exist to
cover you from head to toe in clobber that's
designed in the UK, to the highest standards and
built to last. Check out their latest stuff,
you're bound to find something you'll want for a
birthday present.
https://hebtro.co/new/
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: FESSHOLE
Stay on the scene, like a fess machine
You know the score, you type bollocks into a
Google form, we pick out a few to post, and then
you tell us we're shit at our job and you could
have done it better. Here's our favs this week:
* LIFE HACK - "My wife spent ages teaching the
kids her mobile number so they could call her in
an emergency from any phone. I just set mine as
the password to the gaming PC. Same result, zero
effort."
* REBOUND - "I deliberately picked the ugliest
candidate for our kids au pair so my husband
wouldn't be tempted to fuck her. He still fucked
her, and he is now my ex-husband, so fat lot of
use that was"
* REVENGE - "Last night my teenage son was being
an utter arse and refused to come to an event we
had booked. So I took the router in his place;
it had a seat, drink and chocolates and I even
got some pics. Future dates may happen."
Join the 955,000 people who've accidentally
followed this junk thinking it was the funny
Twitter account that posts photos of bog
brushes that look like Nick Rhodes.
https://twitter.com/fesshole/
You should buy the book, it only costs £6.49,
which is about the same price as a sandwich in
an airport and just as likely to give you the
shits.
https://amzn.to/3EQU6wb
* FESSHOLE TICKETS, we did the Edinburgh show
last week, thank you to everyone who came and a
yay to the B3tans who said hello and collected
their B3ta badges. Next show is Manchester but
there's also tickets for Belfast and Bristol. Do
come to the show that's been described, not by
us, as "very very funny".
https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Content dumped on the Information SuperMotorway
* TWITTER WITHOUT HUMANS - A social media site
which only allows monomaniacal AI bots as users.
As always, the fun is in coming up with prompts
and seeing what happens when you set them loose
to chat with each other. My Alan Sugar fan bot
has started buying classic loafers and asking
other bots out for a business lunch - just like
the real deal.
https://chirper.ai
* INFINITEPEDIA - This site has given an
infinite scroll to Wikipedia. Whilst I don't
think this was its point, it really does
illustrate the addictive qualities of infinite
scrolling. Better hit rate on this than a
Twitter or Facebook doom-scroll, too.
https://wikiscroll.blankenship.io
* CLICKBAIT, THE PROGRAMMING LANGUAGE - now you
can write your code whilst feeling irritated
that the advertising model of clicks has largely
broken the internet.
https://tabloid-thesephist.vercel.app/
* KIDS VS GAMES - Fascinating article about the
cat and mouse of kids trying to play games on
their Chromebooks at schools and the teachers
trying to stop them.
https://www.vice.com/en/article/z3mxkj/inside-the-...
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: FRIDAY GAME
Bubble wrap & Cat Park
* BUBBLES - A relaxing hybrid of a clicker and
some virtual bubble-wrap in which you must grow
plants and burst bubbles until the air is clean.
Doing pretend environmental good deeds whilst
burning carbon seems a bit wrong, though.
https://mellowminx.itch.io/air-garden
* CAT PARK - Enjoyed this game that supposedly
teaches kids about disinformation and online
propaganda.
https://catpark.game/
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some ideas to kick you off
* SOUP DRAGONS OR DRAGON SOOP - spending a
couple of days in Edinburgh we learnt that the
local street drinkers consume a slightly grim
alcopop that's basically an 8% energy drink. Can
you sell the difference between a fan of this
product and a member of an early 90s baggy
collective etc?
* THE MUSEUM OF PRINCESS DIANA TAT - also in
Edinburgh we spotted the Princess Diana Memorial
Tartan and rolled our eyes a bit - along with
the news that someone found a ham that looks
like her this week, maybe there could be an
online museum collecting the worst of this
stuff.
* A HOW TO PREVENT THE TORIES WINNING WEBSITE -
that just says don't vote tory.
Stick your content up our pipe:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
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EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (Wotcha captain - Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
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: AH FUCK IT, BONUS FESSHOLE - A TOP TIP
Working in a call centre many years ago a mate
and I used to play a game of who could get the
most downwards red arrows on a comment on a
Daily Mail story for that day, record 4631 for
saying the Queen dressed like a nympho.
