NEWSLETTER: "B3TA INVITES YOU TO PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THIS NEWSLETTER WITH A 'BUM TRIBUTE'"
This Week:
* NEW CHALLENGE - The Beatles at WAR!
* ANIMATION - Sonic the Wolvo Hedgehog
* EGGPOD FEST - 500 ticket sales plus
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "The official newsletter
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | of His Majesty’s
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| suspicious toilet visits"
B3ta email 860 - 05 May 2023
Read this issue to your flowers and plants:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue860
Subscribe, subjects: https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than a lot of snot and piss
* MIDLANDS GAMING - phaseddistorted writes, "I
was wondering what it'd be like if Mario, Sonic,
and Dizzy were born in Dudley, Tipton, and
Cradley Heath, respectively. So I made this."
Honestly this made us laugh, maybe as it's
roughly where your editor was brought up.
https://youtu.be/l3drIfGhfEc
* EGGPOD, OVER 500 GUESTS SIGN UP - Chris Shaw
writes, "After spending years locked away in the
spare room chatting to lots of Beatles fans
about their favourite albums I’ve finally got
brave enough to do a live show. It’s at Opera
Holland Park in London on Saturday 1st July at
3pm and the guests are Mark Lewisohn, Samira
Ahmed, Stuart Maconie and David Quantick.
Astonishingly, more than 500 tickets have gone
and it might actually be a sell out. So, if like
me, you’re one of the tribe of Beatles fans who
spent much of their life hidden away wishing
they could share their love of all that Fab
music, come and join in the fun with other
fans." Congratulations to Chris on making this
leap from podcasts to live, and we'll definitely
be there.
https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/i-am-the-eggpod-liv...
* FESSHOLE ON THE BBC - Pleased to have the BBC
World Service turn up at a recent Fesshole gig
and chat with your editor. Go to about two
thirds in if you want to listen.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/w3ct4tpr
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
But some lovely clothes
Look at your legs, are they clothes in shoddy
gear that makes people cross the road from you?
Help is at hand via Hebtro who'll supply you
with some fine threads, all made in the UK and
to the highest standards so they last longer
than the terrible fast fashion that fills your
local shops.
https://hebtro.co/new/
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: FESSHOLE
Your fesses fessed up like an owl puking up a
pellet
Each week you masturbate into the collection box
and we look at the sperms under and microscope
and share up the ones which most look like Bono:
* WORK HACK - "I am a Solicitor and I practise
Employment Law but to stop family and friends
asking for free legal advice I tell them I
practise Environmental Law."
* MUM HACK - "I hated peas as a child so my
mother would hide a pea in my roast dinners
every sunday. Every week I would finish my
dinner, then victoriously leave the solitary pea
alone on the plate. I'm 44 now and yesterday she
confessed that she actually used to hide two
peas. The twat."
* FOOD HACK - "Trying to prove to my wife that
use by dates are a guide and to just do the
sniff test. Had a fish pie that was 4 days out
of date but smelled fine. I've spent the day
either passed out in my shed shivering or
shitting my soul into a bucket. Might have to
rethink this."
Join the nearly 8 people who confused this
account for the funny one that posts pictures of
Tory politicians losing elections.
https://twitter.com/fesshole/
Oh you might as well buy the book, at £6.49,
given the state of inflation it's cheaper every
week.
https://amzn.to/3EQU6wb
We've got three shows on sale, the next is
Manchester but following that are Belfast and
Bristol. Do come so that we can give our some
B3ta badges as well.
https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Say hello to Jar Jar Links
* POLISH GAMES - A site dedicated to Polish
8-bit games. Interesting to see a parallel world
in which Spectrum games were mostly serious,
with few flying toilets or Sinclair C5s. The
homebrew scene seems to have made up for this
failing, however, with 2007's bike-dodging
Frogger variant Holidays In Amsterdam giving me
a laugh.
https://polishpixels.com
* EYE CANDY - This site collects examples of
different filming techniques and styles in gif
form. Actually a pretty good bit of film
schooling should you want to learn a few
technical terms for camera wobbles and editing
snippy stuff.
https://eycndy.com
* BLUE SHITE - Some people seem excited for Jack
Dorsey's new virtual toilet wall Bluesky. If you
haven't got an invite yet, you can stand on the
outside looking in at what seems to be quite a
boring party via this live feed of the latest
posts. But who will be the new Stephen Fry to
convince us that it's not shit actually?
https://firesky.tv
* THE OLD INTERNET - Therubberbishop recommends,
"A search engine that only indexes sites without
JavaScript. Time machine with a fun surprise
button."
https://www.wiby.org/
* LONG TRAIN PHOTOS - LP writes, "Trainbot
watches a piece of train track, detects trains,
and stitches together images of them - it does
both a long thin image of the train, and a gif.
I like this."
https://trains.jo-m.ch/
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Elon Invents
Here's the best images from last week:
* ELON'S ADULT TOYS - from S4rk
https://b3ta.com/challenge/eloninvents/popular
* TRUTH - from PedroHin
https://b3ta.com/board/11391842
* WALKING from LS18
https://b3ta.com/board/11391933
* See all the other images from the 'Elon
Invents' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/eloninvents/popular
>> This week: The Beatles at War <<
A misread book title of "Great Military Beatles"
has inspired this image challenge. Show us what
happens when the Fab Four go to War.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/warbeatles/popular
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some ideas to kick you off
* TURN THIS FESSHOLE INTO AN ONLINE GAME WE CAN
ALL PLAY - "For 3+ years, I've been using the
Wikipedia page of the 50 oldest living people in
the world as some kind of private horse betting
game, making notes to myself betting on which
supercentenarian I think will survive the
longest."
* KNIGHTHOOD BLUE - we hope the king has some
new exciting ideas for his country after he’s
been coronated. What about a poorly implemented
system where you could be a Sir for $8 a month?
* SWEAR AT THE KING - this has interactive
potential, although it's all going to be over by
the time you've coded it up, which is the main
reason topical games are a shit idea.
Send us your stuff else we'll piss through your
letterbox.
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (Wotcha captain - Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: AH FUCK IT, BONUS FESSHOLE
"Whenever I used to post a question I needed the
answer to online, I'd scarcely get a response.
Now, I also use an alternative account to reply
with a horrendously wrong answer. I get dozens
of responses under my wrong answer. People love
correcting others and proving them wrong."
