NEWSLETTER: "IF YOU SWAP 'REFLEX' FOR 'PENIS' IN THE DURAN SONG IT MAKES IT MUCH BETTER"
This Week:
* GAME - Play 'DayBrix' every damn day
* MORE GAMES - Get AI to tell you the password?
* BEST OF FESSHOLE - horrible fesses never stop
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the web
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | by screen-grabbing the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| most horrible bits"
B3ta email 862 - 26th May 2023
Read this issue using a Currah Microspeech:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue862
Subscribe, mooks: https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making white wee wee
* ARE YOU READY FOR DAYBRIX - Matt Round has
decided to have a go at one of those games that
gives you a daily challenge, and he's taken
Tetris, modified it a bit so all the shapes are
made of three squares and added a heap of fine
fine polish.
https://vole.wtf/daybrix/
* ARE YOU A DREGS ADDICT? - Chris Barker's comic
book is out and ready to ship should you wish to
buy a copy and you should because why not
support poor Chris so that he doesn't have to
beg for coins outside WHSmiths?
https://peakrill.bigcartel.com/product/dregs-of-ru...
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Buy some lovely clothes - 30% off
Hebtro make clothes and their unique selling
point is that they're all made in the UK and
designed to last so that the higher than normal
price point works out better value overall.
They're also an ideal place to buy a birthday
present for the men in your life, or indeed, an
early one for yourself. Oh and it's a Bank
Holiday sale with 30% off - so there's never
been a better time to invest hard in some sturdy
clothes.
https://hebtro.co/its-a-sale/
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: FESSHOLE
Your confessions fessed up for cheap lols
Each week we ask you to type some bollocks into
a Google Form and then we pick out a few to
tweet out and see if anyone reports us to the
authorities.
* DATING - "My first Scottish Tinder date, he
picked me up, we were driving for approx 30 mins
& the police pulled us over. Turned out he
picked me up in a stolen Audi and got lifted.
Got taken home by the cops & they told me
'that's what you get for meeting creepy cunts
off the internet'."
* REVENGE - "A young lad deliberately tripped my
son up in the shop as he was walking with my
wife. I was walking behind them & saw it happen
so I made out I was looking at something on the
shelf as the lad passed me, I stuck my leg
backwards & caught the little cunt a beauty."
* KARMA - "Managed to talk my girlfriend into
becoming swingers because I wanted to fuck other
girls. Went to one & she got mullered by about
10 different cocks whilst no woman even looked
at me. She's desperate to go back. Worst thing
I've ever done."
Join the 970k people who've followed this
account thinking it was the funny one which
posts photos of old rock stars looking like
they're miserable old women in British soaps.
https://twitter.com/fesshole/
You might as well buy the book, it costs about
the same as one of those modern coffees that
young people drink.
https://amzn.to/3EQU6wb
TICKETS - We did the Manchester show and it went
well largely due to the extraordinary audience
confessions and we've got tickets for sale for
Belfast, Newcastle and London, whilst Bristol is
sold out.
https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Load up these cool WAP sites on your Nokia
* MODERATION GAME - a bit like that recent
disinfo game we linked the other week, this is
trying to tackle a modern online problem via a
game. We bailed after a few moderation tasks,
which we suppose is realistic.
https://moderatormayhem.engine.is/
* COX-ZUCKER MACHINE - two men worked together
to create the best named algorithm in history.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cox%E2%80%93Zucker_m...
* HIGH SCORES - A big nerdy deep dive into some
classic arcade high score tables. Find out who
all those initials belonged to before the day's
top players replaced them all with POO and BUM.
https://thehistoryofhowweplay.wordpress.com/2023/0...
* C64 WEB SERVER - "Does it run a website" isn't
as popular as "Does it run Doom", but it's a
more internet-friendly challenge when you
actually load the easily slash-dotted results in
your browser. In this case, you can take a look
at a website that's running on a C64. Can
someone buy alansugar dot com and get it to run
on an Amstrad CPC and auto-respond to any
questions from an Em@iler?
https://youtube.com/watch
* GUESS THE PASSWORD - AI projects work quite
nicely when it's pitting you, the human, against
our future overlords. In this case, can you get
the AI to reveal sensitive information via the
many alarming ways it has been found to be a
security nightmare.
https://gandalf.lakera.ai
* ICE CREAM VAN GAME - Slightly fiddly controls,
but an enjoyably stupid idea for these
alarmingly sunny days. Entice children to your
ice cream van with your music and serve them in
time before the little bastards have a strop and
kick it in.
https://playmedusa.itch.io/icecream-van
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some ideas to kick your off (written in a car)
* RUDE PLATES - write a bit of code that finds
every single potential rude registration plate.
* RUDE VANS - a photo dictionary of every time
someone has written a message on the back of the
van by wiping their finger in the dirt "I wish
my wife was this dirty" etc
* BUS TWINS - a tale of two cities, exploring
buses that have the same numbers in different
parts of the UK. Presented by Michael Palin.
Don't fail us, mail us:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: oxygenthiefmusic requests, "Similar to the
'fewer' bot idea (last week), I'd like one that
corrects 'on route' to 'en route' because that
boils my piss."
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (Wotcha captain - Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: AH FUCK IT, BONUS FESSHOLE
"Shat myself while out walking - pulled off my
boxers and lightly buried them in a wood. A year
or so later, a body was discovered in the same
wood. Thinking my soiled kecks might be found as
'evidence', I went to the police station and
explained. They're probably still laughing."
