NEWSLETTER: "THE NEWSLETTER THAT HAS SEEN OUT SIX BRITISH PRIME MINISTERS"
This Week:
* QUIZ - Date that London footage
* SURVEY RESULTS - What's the most boring stuff?
* NEW CHALLENGE - Business movies
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're shaving the web
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | and uploading the hairs
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| to archive.org"
B3ta email 865 - 16th June 2023
Read this issue after a blow to the head:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue865
Subscribe, wanks: https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making their pets worried
* LONDON TIME QUIZ - Monkeon writes, "I've made
a new quiz, which is kind-of a mash-up of
Chronophoto and those full-screen city walkabout
sites. Can you tell what year the London footage
is from?" We loved this and think Monkeon is
really onto something here - we could have
played it for hours.
https://monkeon.co.uk/the-great-when/
* HOW BORING ARE YOU? Matt Round writes, "We
asked thousands of British people to pick the
dullest stuff they could think of. See if your
name/city/job/hobby is listed." This newsletter
is pretty upset to be living in the most boring
city, with the second most boring name. FIX!
https://vole.wtf/britains-most-boring/
* TWITTER UPGRADE - in a small addition to our
Twitter account, we needed to fix the
auto-posting of front pages images (thanks Elon
for breaking that) and now it's better than
ever, as it mentions what image challenge the
submission is from, for a bit of context and
promo. Neat.
https://twitter.com/b3ta
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Idea gifts for the men in your life
Hebtro are good eggs as they sponsor B3ta and
Fesshole and thus help your editor Rob Manuel to
fuck around moderating endless content instead
of having to return to being a milkman. Please
help this continue by buying Hebtro clothes, all
made in the UK, to the highest standards so they
won't be fucked in one wash like most fast
fashion. Oh and there's a sale on:
https://hebtro.co/its-a-sale/
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: FESSHOLE
Readers' confessions shared for cheap lols
Each week we pick out a few lies you've typed
into a Google form and throw them out on the
internet asking "what the fuck is this?"
* LOO ROLLS - "During military training in 2000,
I walked into my friends room to see 5 guys
sitting on chairs and masturbating to porn on
the single TV. They had loo roll tubes taped to
their faces like binoculars, as making eye
contact would be gay. I left very quietly."
* OOPS - "Wife was convinced something was wrong
with our 2 1/2 y/o as she kept walking into
things and falling over. She ran upstairs to
make an appointment for someone to see her.
Turns out I'd put both of her legs through the
same hole in her shorts and she couldn't move
properly."
* GOOD PLAN "I ran my own IT company for 26
years. During that time, it was just me, but i
created 15 other phantom people with email
addresses to make my company seem bigger. I even
had email disagreements with the virtual people
when emailing customers. No customer ever
questioned it."
Join the 45 people who've followed this account
mistaking it for that unfunny one that posts
clips of Benny Hill sketches, with a badly
photoshopped mask of Boris Johnson pasted on.
Link goes to best of May 2023 - our first
best-of in ages - so worth a click.
https://twitter.com/fesshole/status/16682620532854...
Why not buy the book? It costs fuck all at £6.99
and it's genuinely entertaining and recently
made at least one person laugh.
https://amzn.to/3EQU6wb
TICKETS FOR SHOW! It's Belfast this Sunday, do
come to that, and we've also got tickets for
sale in Bristol (ok, sold out), Newcastle,
Leicester and that London.
https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Load this up on Lynx on your
* PASSWORD ATTACK - This site is logging every
username and password that hackers are using
when attempting to gain access to its server.
Apparently 123456 and passw0rd aren't
particularly good choices. Who knew? No one has
guessed d0gp00 yet, so that's definitely a
strong one.
https://brute.fail
* ADVANCED LAWNMOWER SIMULATOR REDUX - from an
April fools joke by Your Sinclair magazine way
back in 1988, this slick 35th anniversary
edition contains all the fun of the original,
but with less colour clash and a balding target
audience who now own their own lawnmowers.
https://benjames171.itch.io/advanced-lawnmower-sim...
* MEAT THE AI - It's easy to worry about AI Chat
giving people incorrect or even dangerous
advice. However, this one seems to have solved
those troubling glitches and gives you great
advice every time.
https://meat-gpt.sonnet.io
* HEADLINE OF THE YEAR - well let's type that
out for you in case you can't be arsed to click
"Sonic The Hedgehog Co-Creator Yuji Naka
Sentenced To Prison For Insider Trading." We
guess he was the evil Doctor Robotnik all along.
https://www.gameinformer.com/news/2023/06/01/sonic...
* BORIS RESIGNS - an amusing short produced by
B3ta veteran Swedemason for JOE. And no, they
are not paying us. As if.
https://b3ta.com/links/Goodfellows_Boris_Johnson_r...
* SALAD LOLS - we've got a weakness for food
horror humour. As if David Cronenberg was a
fussy eater.
https://b3ta.com/links/How_to_make_a_salad
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Expand Art
Here's the best images from last week's Expand
Art challenge, which as we've said before, is
one of our best challenges in ages. Here's our
favs:
* The Treachery of Crocodiles from plankton
https://b3ta.com/board/11394747
* Chris Barker takes Joel Goodman's famous photo
and does some magic
https://b3ta.com/board/11394550
* The genius that is Happy Toast delivers some
of his finest work
https://b3ta.com/board/11394554
* See all the other images from the 'Expand Art'
challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/expandart/popular
>> This week: Business Movies <<
We've recently had movies about the deals behind
Air Jordan shoes, Tetris and the BlackBerry
phone. But what about Alan Sugar's hard work on
the Amstrad Em@iler or Noel's fight for
Blobbyland? Let's make some movies about the
serious world of business.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/businessmovies/popular
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some ideas to kick you off
* MIRROR PLATES - Roger Cotton asks "You asked
for code to generate rude number plates. My
first million dollar idea which has been left on
the scrap heap of effortless coasting was
'mirror plates' which are innocuous but rude
when looked at in a rear view mirror. More
likely to get past DVLA. Code that. I'll take
£100,000."
* HOW POSH IS YOUR NAME? - don't you want to
know exactly how posh or common your name is? We
can see exactly how to achieve this but also
can't be arsed so you do it.
* MOCK JOHNSON'S NEW COLUMN - @RichTysoe says
"there is going to be an 'Adrian Chiles or Boris
Johnson' online web quiz before the end of next
week" - why disappoint him?
Don't be a twee fail, send us an email:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (A thousand high fives -
Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: AH FUCK IT, BONUS FESSHOLE
"Instead of going for beach holidays this year,
I spent the occasional weekend rioting in Paris.
I didn't do any damage or harm but being part of
the mob is unbelievably exhilarating. I live in
London and work in banking."
