NEWSLETTER: "THE ONLY NEWSLETTER THAT COMES WITH ITS OWN SMELL"
This Week:
* B3TA DIASPORA - Let's check on the flock
* ARE YOU READY - for Crisp Sandwich Day?
* RESULTS - Microsoft Windows: A Celebration
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're shaving the yak
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | each and every week &
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| always... together"
B3ta email 880 - 20th Oct 2023
Read this issue to a sentient train:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue880
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MEA CULPA: Sorry for no newsletter for a few
weeks, your editor managed to get a horrible virus
that wiped him out - he's fine(ish) now and normal
dog shit service will resume.
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making sinister cheese again
* TORY OR NOT TORY UPDATE - Dave 'Bagpuss'
Forsey writes, "Last year, after my mate John
sent me random pictures of MPs and asked if I
could guess which ones were Tory, I rustled up
this little game. Because of the flurry of
by-elections this year, It was time for a
refresh with the latest merry-go-round of MPs.
Every update there are less Conservatives to
find, so give it a go while it is still vaguely
challenging."
https://toryornottory.com/
* CRISP SANDWICH PUBLIC EVENT - Matt Round wants
us to tell you it's only 5 days away from the
second Crisp Sandwich Day and over 2500 people
have pledged support.
https://vole.wtf/crisp-sandwich-day/
* HOTEL ROOM PHOTO PROJECT - Hay Kranen writes,
"Hey Rob, thanks for keeping up the b3ta
newsletter, been reading it for years and still
enjoying it. I've built a website showcasing my
somewhat quirky hobby of taking photographs of
eleven objects in every hotel room I visit. Been
doing that since 2017 so now i have more than
560 of them. Not quite sure what purpose it
serves, but I've also added filters so you can
get a grid of all the shower drains I've
photographed in Spain during my summer holiday."
https://www.hospitalithings.com/
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: B3TA DIASPORA
Projects made by people who used to post on b3ta
* HONK HONK HONK - Old Mutated Monty AKA Cyriak
is back in the honking business.
http://b3ta.com/links/1609085
* TRAINSTOPPING - Swedemason is still busting
out his shit for Joe - and this one is
particularly excellent and got an endorsement
from Trainspotting head honcho Irvine Welsh
himself.
http://b3ta.com/links/1609208
* SPARE ANY PENNIES FOR OUR OLD FRIEND WHO
REVIEWS TAT ON HIS SOFA - Ashens is collecting
money for a new movie. In fact he's shot over
his target, but bung some more money in if you
like so he can afford a fancy trailer to have
his make-up done in.
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/ashens/turn-b...
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Buy some lovely clothes you lovely people
Each week we implore you to check out the range
of clothes that our sponsors sell - they're all
made in the UK to the highest standards and
designed to last. Ideal as birthday gifts for
any of the difficult men in your life who are
hard to buy for.
https://hebtro.co/about/
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: FESSHOLE
Your confessions fessed up like cancerous bile
Each week you post your lies into a Google form
and we share a few on Elon's self-sucking wank
machine for a few Onlyfans grifters to reply and
try and get a few extra customers.
* DUMP HIM - "My white middle class boyfriend
has been watching Top Boy and now every time he
goes down on me says 'Where is my food fam', I
don't think I can stay with him"
* ROOKIE ERROR - "My wife asked me that stupid
question of who I'd choose to sleep with if she
gave me a pass. On hindsight I now realise she
probably meant someone famous, not one of her
mates."
* DELICIOUS BREW - "About 15 years ago my wife
told me she didn't want to have intercourse with
me any more. She saw my devastated expression
and said, 'We can do other stuff.' Turns out
that 'other stuff' means having cups of tea."
Follow the account that only has followers
because people mistook it for the funny one that
posts photos of Bono in increasingly ill-fitting
wigs.
https://twitter.com/fesshole/
Come to the shows. The next one is in
Nottingham.
https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
Pre-order the book coz no Christmas is complete
without our tie-in book.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B0CFG74H...
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: SITES IN BRIEF
HoTMetaL GurU, is it you?
* PLOPPY GAME - Somewhere between a puzzle and a
stress relief toy. Plop the blocks in the water
to make the biggest islands you can, whilst
enjoying the splosh wav of the land falling into
place.
https://thecyberone.itch.io/dropy-blocky
* ARE YOU LONELY? The Pudding has decided to bum
us all out with a look at modern loneliness.
Like watching a bleak version of Little Computer
People play out, without even the dog for
company. Have a read and then chat with your AI
mates about it.
https://pudding.cool/2023/09/invisible-epidemic/
* LET'S TWIST AGAIN - Test your mental rotation
skills in this unintentionally creepy game. It's
probably just the Hellraiser vibes coming from
the box, but the music and the random old
objects moving on their own accord really
doesn't help.
https://luduxia.com/whichwayround/
* SNIP-A-DEE-DOO-DAH - Neat little game about
estimating the best place to cut to create half
of a shape. Tougher than it sounds.
https://brilliant.org/challenges/halfsies/
* DEAR PLATFORMS - DON'T FUCK UP LIKE THIS -
Interesting long read on how Vine died.
https://archive.ph/20231011150848/https://www.wash...
* WHAT IF STUFF WAS BACKWARDS - Hypnotic videos
of restoring stuff back to its original state.
No, that doesn't mean polishing up an old pan,
but turning a cup of coffee back into coffee
powder.
https://www.tiktok.com/@restorationmagic/
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Microsoft Windows: A Celebration
Here's the best images from last week:
* Thank you to Plankton for reminding us of one
the finest videos on the old internet
https://b3ta.com/board/11399885
* Learning about the evolution of the recycle
bin was educational. Thanks Tinglto
https://b3ta.com/board/11399834
* We would actually like to own this toy idea
from Monkeon
https://b3ta.com/board/11400065
* See all the other images from the 'WINDOWS!'
challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/windows/popular
>> Medieval Advertising <<
Let's jump in the b3ta time machine and design
some ads to flog shit to the people of the
middle-ages.
https://b3ta.com/challenge/medievaladvertising/pop...
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some ideas to kick you in the idea arsehole
* NEW ROAD SIGNS - to infuriate the type of cunt
who thinks it's literally communism to slow
traffic in busy areas
* MEAT LOAF: THE MOVIE - Jack Black should play
Meat Loaf in Meat Loaf: The Movie. And the
script should be played for laughs but every
single song, sung absolutely A+ perfectly. He
could do it and we would watch it.
* TV SPREADSHEETS - Streaming companies like
Prime/Netflix/Disney etc should publish their
film catalogues weekly as a huge Google
Spreadsheet, to satisfy the 5% of their audience
like me that would find that easier to deal with
than endless scrolling with a flicker.
We do look at everything you send you know, so
send it in.
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; Monkeon for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (Welcome back Rob - Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: AH FUCK IT, BONUS 'CAR' FESSHOLE
The child of a well known former F1 driver goes
to my daughter's school. Whenever I follow him
out of the car park after drop off I pretend I'm
getting a slipstream for an exciting overtake
