NEWSLETTER: "THE NEWSLETTER THAT REFUSES TO PRESENT GB NEWS EVERY WEEK"
This Week:
* REVERSE 'GUESS WHO' - Monkeon delivers fun
* HONK - Weebl makes epic animation
* HEY PESTO - Student dinners solved
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We saved the web, it was
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | a mistake and we're
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| sorry... together"
B3ta email 881 - 27th Oct 2023
Read this issue to whilst huffing spunk fumes:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue881
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: SCI-FI IMMERSIVE THEATRE
Sponsored link
Ever wanted to fly a spaceship? Now's your
chance to take the helm. Bridge Command is
launching in November, and will be at MCM Comic
Con this weekend.
https://bit.ly/bridgecommand2
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making piss puddles under the desk
* GUESS YOU - Monkeon writes, "I've made a niche
and pointless tool. Find out who is your closest
lookalike from the classic Guess Who characters.
Hopefully some 100%ers will share their picture
to see how accurate it is." This is genuinely
great and it nailed us and made us laugh. What
more do you want?
https://monkeon.co.uk/guess-you
* HONK - King of Badgers, Weebl has been doing
his animated songs again and writes, "This is
what happens when my wife suggests I wear
trucker caps. Or. I only wanted to learn a bit
of Blender." This is solidly entertaining and
makes us nostalgic for dancing around the
Student Union to The Grid.
https://b3ta.com/links/HONK:6
* PESTO - WrittenBittern has made a toy that
generates pesto recipes to help students and
writes, "Several years have passed since I made
isbritaingreatagain.com, so it's time for
another site - this time <drum roll>... A
Preposterous Profusion of Pesto Possibilities."
https://pestomatrix.com/
* CRISPY BUSINESS - Matt Round's Crisp Sandwich
Day went off with an enormous burst of
publicity, even getting on TV. You, dear reader,
should declare your own 'day', this newsletter
wishes for 'International Swearing Day' where
you can call everyone a cunt.
https://vole.wtf/crisp-sandwich-day/
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Action men?
Our sponsors Hebtro have made some non-copyright
infringing jumpers that are ideal for "men of
action" - we actually really fancy these and if
we weren't such fat cunts we'd offer ourselves
up as models. You know the drill, ideal as
birthday presents for your difficult men in your
life and built to the highest standards in the
UK and designed to last.
https://hebtro.co/new/
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: FESSHOLE
Your confessions shat out like anal diarrhoea
Each week you type some words into a Google form
and we read them all (200->400 per day) and pick
out a few to post on social media, for strangers
to tell us we've picked the wrong ones and we've
ruined Fesshole.
* REVENGE - "Girl who hated me at work snitched
on me for automating my job and working an hour
a day - the consequence was that the company
allowed me to start automating tasks across
every department and my pay has since doubled.
Thanked her for the promotion every day until
she quit."
* SHAMPOO TOMFOOLERY - "In our shared house of 6
people, I often pour large dollops of the posh
shampoos and conditioners down the drain while I
shower. The other 5 members constantly argue
over who's stealing who's product. Things are
getting fierce. I'm bald. Therefore immune to
their blame."
* ACTUALLY A CONFESSION - "I cheated on
Countdown. I claimed to have got the maths
section, but just said I did it the same way as
the other contestant, and waved a piece of paper
at them with some numbers on. I won the game and
wouldn't have without this round. I now own a
fraudulently obtained tea pot."
Follow the account that only has followers
because people mistook it for the one that posts
pandas that look like Paul McCartney.
https://twitter.com/fesshole/
Buy tickets for the show - the next one is in
Nottingham, home of ITV's Robin of Sherwood.
https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
Pre-order the book, it's out on the 9th of Nov
and it literally killed us making it. We are
dead now.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B0CFG74H...
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Insert tenuous links here
* ARE YOU BIKE CURIOUS? Neat use of AI that
shows you the streets you live in, as if they
were reconfigured for pedestrians and cyclists.
We could live in paradise but instead we've
chosen to live in hell.
https://dutchcyclinglifestyle.com/
* OLD INTERNET BOLLOCKS - Neal Dotfun has been
doing some internet archaeology and bringing
early web moments back to life in his museum.
We'd forgotten the Helicopter Game was
originally part of seethru.co.uk. I hope there
was an episode of Attachments in which David
Walliams struggled with ActionScript in order to
launch it in time to make the Friday Thing
newsletter.
https://neal.fun/internet-artifacts/
* OBSCURE MUSIC DIVE - The Pudding have done one
of their interactive deep dives on the thousands
of musical genres in Spotify's database. It
made us wonder if any band has ever started by
coming up with the name of a new genre first and
tried to make music to match. May try and
invent Kip-Hop later - probably going to be some
sort of guided sleep meditation that rhymes.
https://pudding.cool/2023/10/genre/
* SHIT WEB - Enjoyed this "website where people
can track their poos" submitted by siobhan.h,
who says, "The website invites users to put in
their postcode and they are then shown where
their local water company is discharging their
poo."
https://www.wheresmypoo.com
* TUBE QUIZ - This enjoyable little quiz went
viral this week, so they've inevitably now
ruined it with intrusive advertising in the
mistaken belief that you can ever make money
from such things. Basically, the 50 States game
from Friends but for Londoners instead of smug
New York flatmates.
https://london.metro-memory.com
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results for the bins challenge
We asked you to photoshop bins in what at least
one person called "the most British challenge
ever" - here's our three favs:
* PUN JOKE - thanks Jaunty Art
https://b3ta.com/board/11399353
* PET JOKE - thanks plankton
https://b3ta.com/board/11399318
* FILM JOKE - thank brb
https://b3ta.com/board/11399779
Of course should your wish to view them all, log
onto our website Binterest:
https://b3ta.com/challenge/bins/popular/
>> This week: Medieval Advertising<<
Let's jump in the b3ta time machine and design
some ads to flog shit to the people of the
middle ages.
https://b3ta.com/challenge/medievaladvertising/pop...
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some ideas to kick you off
* POLITICS - we can't be bothered to do it but a
bot that just quote tweets "General Election
NOW!" on every bit of news involving the Tories
* DO DAVID SHRIGLEY PROPERLY - he's got a
project where he's turning Dan Brown books into
Orwell by pulping, which is a bit lightweight -
why not cut all the words up and stick them down
in the right order to make Nineteen Eighty-Four
instead?
* BEATLES - 10p to the first person to dub on
Jimmy Savile doing "now then, now then" every
time the Beatles sing "now & then"
Do tell us about your latest projects, we check
out everything we're sent.
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; Monkeon for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (General Election NOW -
Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: AH FUCK IT, BONUS 'WORK' FESSHOLE
"Overheard a bloke at work bragging about his
£300 earbuds; so every time he's on a Teams call
I now ask him to speak up or to repeat himself.
It's caught on now, everybody's doing it."
