NEWSLETTER: "HONESTLY IF YOU DON'T LIKE EMAIL NEWSLETTERS THEN YOU MADE A BAD CHOICE SIGNING UP TO THIS"
This Week:
* GAME - Yes, it's time to play 'Cortextual'
* DOCTOR WHO - Randomiser will pick you an episode
* CHALLENGE - (late) Halloween pop stars
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're craving the web
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | like we're craving
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| a shit... together"
B3ta email 882 - 3rd Nov 2023
Demo this issue onto a C90 & use AI to fix it:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue882
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: SCI-FI IMMERSIVE THEATRE
Sponsored link
Ever wanted to fly a spaceship? Now's your
chance to take the helm. Bridge Command is
launching in November, and will be at MCM Comic
Con this weekend.
https://bit.ly/bridgecommand2
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making their pets sad and hungry
* MOVING PICTURES - Drivelsieve continues his
endless tribute to Terry Gilliam with latest
episode of "I made these pictures move." It
truly is amazing what live sound effects can
bring to GIFs.
https://b3ta.com/links/I_made_these_picture_move_o...
* DR WHO RANDOMISER - Ed Jeffs writes, "Don't
know where to start with the eight million
episodes of old/new Doctor Who on iPlayer? Let
the randomiser pick for you." It's quite
exciting having the biggest news this week being
The Beatles and Doctor Who, here's hoping for a
Dave Clarke Five comeback.
https://edjefferson.com/randomiser/
* AN ACTUAL GAME - Dave Bagpuss Forsey writes,
"A while ago someone asked why I waste my time
with an unprofessional career making irreverent
games involving Tories, arses and dead
celebrities. So to prove them wrong, I've made a
family-friendly symbol-matching game called
Cortextual. Now I have an unprofessional career
also making inoffensive games." Well this is
very swish isn't it?
https://cortextual.net/
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Buy some lovely clothes ok
Well, it's getting towards Christmas and it's
time for you to think about buying presents for
the men in your life. If you've already bought
them the Beatles Red & Blue remixes and a Simon
Le Bon made of cheese, then the next thing you
need is a pile of clothes from Hebtro. All made
in the UK, designed to last and of the highest
quality. Christmas solved.
https://hebtro.co/new/
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: FESSHOLE
Your confessed vommed up like a bile mouthwash
Each week you type crap into a Google form and
we wonder how long we can get away with this
shit:
* THIS CUTS DEEP - "A very sad, cold hearted
person sent an anonymous letter to my wife
stating I was having an affair with a woman
friend. I wasn't. What has happened in their
life to make them do that? However, the fact my
wife and daughter thought it was so preposterous
was really annoying."
* DAD OF THE YEAR - "Last year I became the most
hated member of the household by insisting that
the heating stayed off unless the outside
temperature was below freezing. Ended up causing
a huge damp problem that cost far more than the
heating bills would have and my family still
haven't forgiven me."
* WE'VE ALL DONE IT - "Took my daughter's friend
to cinema and took some Haribo gummy bears. My
wife passed me the open packet and I ate the lot
assuming one of my kids had opened them. Turned
out my daughter's friend had bought her own,
opened them and offered them out to share. She
didn't say a word."
You might as well follow the Threads version coz
Twitter is a pile of shite these days.
https://threads.com/fesshole/
Do come to the shows - Nottingham coming up:
https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
And pre-order the book, you cunts, does this
kind of sales talk work?
https://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B0CFG74H...
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Follow the Firefox Code
* SOLVE BEING BORED OF SOUND - with a soundboard
for creating suspenseful soundtracks, with
noises that work together surprisingly well when
played at once. Just needs the EastEnders
duff-duffs. Was an app in 2014 and now re-made
for the web where, like 90% of apps, it should
really have been in the first place.
https://vlcnr.rknight.me
* INFINITE MONKEY TEST - You'd need infinite
chimps to write the works of Shakespeare, but
this tool lets you work out how many monkeys
you'd need for lesser typing tasks. 10 monkeys
should drop the c-bomb in less than half an hour
if a YouTuber is looking for a video idea.
Hopefully the domain is intended as anti-comedy,
because it's pretty annoying.
https://monkeys.funwebsite.fun
* THE JOY OF HEX - A calmingly dull game-a-day
for web designers. Can you guess the colour's
hex code? Might tell the Tips & Tricks page of
.net magazine about the console eye dropper tool
cheat.
https://hexcodle.com
* CHAIRS IN STAR TREK - have you ever considered
where they get furniture in sci-fi? Well some
will be bespoke set design, but mostly it is
just bought from shops. Here's your guide to kit
out your sexy bachelor pad in chairs that'll get
you laid.
https://www.ex-astris-scientia.org/database/chairs...
* ORVILLE THE EURO-SKEPTIC DUCK- The past is a
strange place and you should skip to 2h53m for
Orville the Duck's views on the European Union.
We're actually slightly icky about linking to
this because once it's better known it'll
probably become a right-wing meme that turns up
in the worst places.
https://youtube.com/watch
* JOHNNY CASH HAS BEEN EVERYWHERE - neat little
map thing that plays along with a song to show
you all the places Johnny Cash claims to have
been. The naughty little liar.
https://www.johnnycashhasbeeneverywhere.com/
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Medieval advertising results
Last week we wanted you to fuck around with wood
cut images and use it to sell shit. Our faves
include:
* This suit of armour from the person we're
choosing to call 'Ascii Tits'
https://b3ta.com/board/11400299
* This lovely chair from Monkeon
https://b3ta.com/board/11400547
* This rom-com gag from Ninj
https://b3ta.com/board/11400550
Ok, you want to see the lot? Have we got the URL
for you.
https://b3ta.com/challenge/medievaladvertising/pop...
And of course we've opened a new challenge
that's something about making Halloween pop
stars.
https://b3ta.com/challenge/garbagepailpopstars/pop...
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some ideas to piss in your soup
* THE DICAPRIO POINT - a social media account
that posts when stuff reaches 25 years old and
thus too ancient for youth-enthusiast Leonardo.
This month it's the computer game Half-Life.
* GRAVE TYPE - Cataloguing bad gravestone
typography would be a potentially good project.
Although you'd be pissing off grieving people
possibly.
* RINGO-CEPTION - we noticed that Ringo is
wearing his own face on a t-shirt in the spruced
up Lennon demo. Why not run a project
cataloguing people wearing their own faces?
Send us your shits. Not literally.
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; Monkeon for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (Diolch - Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: AH FUCK IT, BONUS 'SEX' FESSHOLE
"My wife hired a male nanny so I wouldn't be
tempted to stray; needless to say I'm banging
him."
