NEWSLETTER: "WHAT'S BLACK AND WHITE, IN YOUR INBOX, AND YOU MOSTLY IGNORE?"
This Week:
* MEMECEPTION RESULTS - it's a good challenge shock
* AUSTRALIA - forgotten pop music from kangaroos
* JOHN PERTWEE - Dubious road safety joke
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____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the web so
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | that future generations
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|can use HTML tags for food"
B3ta email 894 - 2nd Feb 2024
Binary-bark this issue to your AIBO dog:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue894
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making their house guests feel itchy
* MUSIC DOWNUNDER - Monkeon writes, "I've done a
bit of data mining of the Australian charts in
the hope of finding some new pop gold. Turns out
Australian charts were also ruined by Simon
Cowell around 2003, but there were some
impressive mullets along the way." Neat idea,
would work well with a one-off podcast detailing
all the finds.
https://monkeon.co.uk/countdown-under/
* MEMECEPTION RESULTS SO FAR - Every-so-often
one of our challenges actually works in that
there's a good amount of entries and it's quite
funny - we know - a miracle. Anyway, tuck into
memeception where boarders are mixing up memes.
And join in too, should any of you remember your
passwords.
https://b3ta.com/challenge/memeception/popular
* JON PERTWEE ON ROAD SAFETY - AVR2 writes,
"Remember SPLINK? The 'handy' mnemonic for the
Green Cross Code? Well, there was an even more
ill-fated one before that. Not really, it's just
a very stupid idea that made me laugh." Next
week: the Green Cross Code robot wanks off Dusty
Bin.
https://b3ta.com/links/Jon_Pertwees_rejected_road_...
* SCARYDUCK WRITES, "I've got a new book on the
way, can I plug it in the B3ta newsletter?" Ok
then: B3ta veteran Scaryduck (Alistair Coleman)
has launched an Unbound crowdfunder for his new
book More Angry People In Local Newspapers - the
follow-up to his reasonably received 2018 Angry
People In Local Newspapers - only bigger, better
and far less disappointing. All the classics,
loads of new stuff, and without meddling editors
taking all the carefully crafted funny shit out
of it.
https://unbound.com/books/more-angry-people-in-loc...
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Our sponsors would like to clothe your body
There are two types of company in the world -
those who'd happily turn your grandmother into
pulp to earn an extra 10p and those who try and
do the right thing. Hebtro are the latter, they
don't outsource production overseas to save
money, they pay their workers properly and they
use the best materials so that the products
last. Yes, this means they aren't cheap, but you
get what you pay for. So b3tans, sort yourselves
out or grab some birthday presents for the men
in your life you'd rather not go nude.
https://hebtro.co/
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: FESSHOLE
Confessions f-f-fessed up like u-u-Utah Saints
Each week you barf a bunch of lies into a huge
Google form and we pick out a few to publish on
four separate social media platforms in the hope
that the public will be entertained or at least
not call the police.
* JOB HUNTING TIPS - "If I see the word
'passionate' on a CV it goes in the bin. No one
is passionate about insurance, fuck off"
* BUSTIN' MAKES ME FEEL GOOD - "When I was 14 I
took a copy of Ghostbusters to my friends house
to watch. Half way through, the film cut out to
a homemade porno of my mum & dad shagging on a
pool table. I'm now 40 & never been able to
watch Ghostbusters since."
* WE'VE ALL DONE IT - "Getting out of the
shower, I once slipped and fell on the toilet
plunger, which ended up quite deeply penetrating
my arsehole. I gently pulled it out myself and
ate ibuprofen like skittles for a week instead
of going to hospital, because I knew they
wouldn't believe me."
Follow the account that only has followers
because people mistake it for that one that
posts dogs shitting on inferior computers like
the Commodore 64. Link goes to the best of
January so that's worth a click, if clicking is
something that you still do, now that everything
is about thumbs, you thumb wankers.
https://twitter.com/fesshole/status/17530632564013...
Come to the shows - we've got Leicester,
Cambridge, Glasgow, Brighton, Northampton and
Dublin coming up and quite honestly at some
point you're going to be dead so you might as
well see some shit first.
https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
The book is still for sale. You could buy it
should giving us money be your findom kink.
https://amzn.to/40ySjVn
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: SITES IN BRIEFS
It's content Jim, but not as we know it
* WORD COMBO FUN - Neal Dotfun's back and has
created an infinite alchemy game, in what by our
count is now the 4th decent use of AI. The
instructions are lacking, but drag elements on
top of other elements in order to discover new
ones.
https://neal.fun/infinite-craft/
* A LITTLE BIRD TOLD YOU - the sounds of birds
slowed down is both beautiful and eerie and is a
good reminder for you to all watch Hitchcock's
The Birds again as it's even better than you
remember.
https://b3ta.com/links/Swifts_in_slow_motion_but_i...
* TODAY'S COMPUTER METAPHOR FOR THE ETERNAL
FORCES THAT GUIDE THIS WORLD - This seemed to do
really well on the definitely-not-nerds-only
hangout that is Mastodon. A mix of Pong and
Breakout which you can't actually play, unless
you put a bet on if Day or Night is going to
win.
https://pong-wars.koenvangilst.nl
* ASCII MOVIE BOLLOCKS - MSCHF stopped flogging
their ridiculous tat to Nathan Barleys in order
to make one of their fun web projects instead.
In this case, they're trying to avoid copyright
by turning movies to ASCII. A conceptually nice
idea that we couldn't get to load in our
console.
https://ascii.theater
* TEEN ARRESTED FOR TAPING FISH TO ATMS - torn
on this story on whether it's the work of a
sociopath or an artist. Maybe all art is like
that.
https://ftw.usatoday.com/2024/01/fish-bandit-arres...
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
Other than fuck all as usual
* HAPPY TOAST ARNOLDIVERSARY - this B3ta regular
has received a thumbs up from Arnold
Schwarzenegger.
https://twitter.com/Schwarzenegger/status/17531147...
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some ideas to kick you up in the idea minge
* WHERE ARE YOU IN PAUL MCCARTNEY YEARS? - this
week we've worked out that this newsletter
editor would be, if he were Paul McCartney,
working on the largely unpopular Off The Ground
LP and licensing the minor hit 'Hope Of
Deliverance' to Now That's What I Call Music 24.
Yipee!
* LOOK THE OTHER WAY - the computer game where
horrific world news comes in daily, and you the
player tap left and right to "look the other
way."
* UNTITLED CLOUD GAME - a game where you play a
mischievous little cloud, ruining Alanis
Morrisette's wedding day and bringing happiness
to the members of the Jesus & Mary Chain.
Go on, tell us about your stuff, we do look at
everything sent in and we do mean everything.
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; Monkeon for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (thumbs up - Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
BONUS THANKS TO NEWEST: Niomi Wightman, Matt &
JonC. Super-newest thank to Benjamin Blundell
and Stuart.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe. No, actually done a
couple of bits recently, do sign up.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
Oh and friends tell friends to subscribe to the
B3ta newsletter, that really is the most useful
thing you could do with your life at this moment
in time.
https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
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: AH FUCK IT, BONUS 'MEN, LEARN FROM THIS' FESSHOLE
"Left my wife of 22 years for a 26 year old
barmaid. Worst mistake of my life. We have
nothing in common, she doesn't know anything
about me, we have no inside jokes. Daily I'm in
situations and think "i can't wait to tell my
wife about this" but I fucked it up for an ego
boost."
