NEWSLETTER: "ASCII NEWSLETTER FLASHES SIDE-BOOB AND REVEALS PERKY URLS"
This Week:
* QUEEN RESPECTS - how your fave brands paid them
* JUST OUT OF SHOT - image challenge
* SHANNON MATTHEWS THE MUSICAL - on your telly
-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the web
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | so we can build a museum
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| for spiders... together"
B3ta e-email 927 - 25th October 2024
Read this issue wondering where the time went:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue927
-------------------------------------------------
: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than skidding up their shitters
* EVERY GRAND DESIGNS EVER - Dave Bagpuss
writes, "My Grand Designs video seems to have
done alright. It's nice when that happens. I
also loved that someone else posted it on b3ta
before I did." Well done, Bagpuss, you can have
some sleep now.
https://b3ta.com/links/Every_Grand_Designs_ever
* HER MAJESTY THE QUEEN MEMORIAL HOMEPAGES - Zef
Cherry-Kynaston writes, "I finally built a
website I've been meaning to build for a couple
of years. When her maj passed away you may
recall that brands across the internet
collectively went bananas with respectful black
homepages. I've lovingly displayed 70 of my
favourite examples (one for every year of her
reign) on a website. I hope you enjoy." We did
enjoy, it was a difficult wank, but we managed.
https://zefs.website/good-mourning/
* "IT'S CHRISIIISPPSPPMAAASSS!" - Matt Round has
been running his Crisp Sandwich day, which is
basically an exercise in seeing if he can name a
day, it's basically worked. You can see the
results so far here, although we'd like to see a
less carb-y day promoted as we're currently not
feeling particularly slim:
https://vole.wtf/crisp-sandwich-day/
-------------------------------------------------
: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Buying the right jeans to fit
Our sponsor, Hebtro, gives us free rein with
what we say, as long as we keep saying it.
However, this week, they've asked us to
highlight their video that breaks down their
jeans sizing, helping you find the perfect fit.
Plus, all their products are UK-made and
designed for durability. So while the price tag
might be a bit higher, it's definitely
justified.
https://hebtro.co/product-category/hebtroco-jeans/...
-------------------------------------------------
: FESSHOLE
Your fesses, once again, fessed up
For five years we've been sharing your shitty
confessions and we're not going to stop now.
Best this week include:
* DAD TIPS - "My young son and I always go
together when getting a haircut, not because
it's a cute dad/son thing, but one of the
barbers is crap so if he's free first I send him
up so I get the good one. Feel bad but he's
still too young to care about his hair."
* JAG SLAG - "Nearby neighbour loves his Jaguar
so much, he drives his kids 100 yards to school
every day. Never spoken a word to him, but
always give him a big cheery wave at the school
gates and again 2 minutes later when I beat him
back to his house by walking. Just so he knows
he's a twat."
* IT'S A TRAP! - "Wife asked me if I thought her
friend was sexy, as she was always getting
chatted up. She is but thought it was a trap, so
said 'she's not all that'. Few months later, I
found out the wife had arranged a threesome with
her for my 40th but cancelled as I didn't fancy
her friend."
So follow the Bluesky account coz Twitter is
increasingly unpleasant to use - thanks Elon for
fucking up a good thing.
https://bsky.app/profile/fesshole.bsky.social/
Come to the shows - London, Isle of Wight,
Preston and Wolverhampton for sale. Do come, coz
it's genuinely quite fun to have a room full of
people confessing terrible things.
https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
And of course buy the book for which we got
James May of Top Gear to give us the quote "I
sometimes read one of those fesses and wonder if
I submitted it myself the night before, after a
few beers" and then didn't print it on the book
because we're fucking idiots.
https://amzn.to/40ySjVn
-------------------------------------------------
: SITES IN BRIEF
Your cut out and keep guide to TextText 2000
* REDACTED CHATROOM - MSCHF do one of their
nerdy/interesting rather than hipster/annoying
projects with this chat room in which words can
only be used once per day. A filter which
removes sentiments you've already read would
actually be really useful considering how
repetitive social media can be. We found we
could type pretty normally by using fullstops
for spaces.
https://redact-a-chat.com/#/
* DEFEND OR DIE - Fiddle about with all the
sounds of legendary, sound-rich video game
Defender. Why not pop on Ladytron by Roxy Music
and play along with Brian Eno's weird synth
noises at the end.
https://zapspace.net/defender_sound/
* TINY GAME - We've taken to preferring
demo-length games, as you get all the ideas
without wasting hours of your life. Like a 7"
single instead of an album. This one's a little
gummy colour-mixing puzzle and has about 5
levels of minimal difficulty.
https://falex2000.itch.io/color-gum
* THIS WILL SOLVE GUN CRIME - "Australia's Got
the Deadliest Animals" - Brent Yyes tells us, "A
bit old but here's fodder that should make
Americans (like me) ashamed. If that were even
possible."
https://www.youtube.com/watch
-------------------------------------------------
: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Just Out Of Shot
Here's the best images from last week:
* Thanks to Monkeon for revealing all about the
felling of the Sycamore Gap tree
https://b3ta.com/board/11412016
* Thanks to the Twisted Omentum for adding a bit
of spring to a movie so long we've never
bothered watching it for a second time
https://b3ta.com/board/11411893
* And thanks to S4RK for editing Speilberg with
a jump cut
https://b3ta.com/board/11411985
* See all the other images from the 'Just Out Of
Shot' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/justoutofshot/popular
>> This week: Horredy <<
Halloween is approaching, so let's make horror
versions of classic comedies. Only Ghouls and
Corpses, Fiends, Hellfrasier etc. Suggested by
Captain Howdy.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/horredy/popular
-------------------------------------------------
: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
Follow-ups on previous stories
* SET YOUR VIDEO RECORDERS - Kunt & The Gang
have somehow managed to turn their Shannon
Matthews: The Musical into a film that'll
actually be on regular streaming websites.
Details on their site but what we wanted to link
to was ITV's Loose Women debating whether it's
ok or not, but we couldn't find the clip.
https://www.kuntandthegang.co.uk/
* ANTICIPATE NEW MATT ROUND CONTENT TO DROP -
And for our second mention of the vole bloke,
here he's doing a bit of a work diary as he
produces his next game. It's something about
stacking things up, oh Matt can explain:
https://crispsandwi.ch/@mattround/1128937945529208...
-------------------------------------------------
: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some ideas to kick you in the idea balls
* PEAKYBLI.EXE - We've never watched Peaky
Blinders but we'd quite like to play a Peaky
Blinders RPG where you're the manager of the IP
and you have to invest in putting on events,
selling merch and you're scored in how many
dickhead men you get to wear those caps, or use
it a theme for a stag night.
* MCCARROLLCORE - Now that it's quite easy to
de-mix parts out of music using AI, it amuses us
that it would be perfectly possible to build a
mix of the Pet Shop Boys' West End Girls with
Tony McCarroll bashing away on drums. Like God
intended.
* ACCIDENTAL UNCLE MONTY - like that Accidental
Partridge account but pointing out things that
sound like Withnail's uncle in seduction mode.
Prompted by reading this on our anon_opin
project: "The cheaper the trifle, the better it
tastes."
You can email us your projects you know, we
won't forward them to the cops saying you're a
nonce.
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
-------------------------------------------------
: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; Monkeon for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (Chicken time - Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
BONUS THANKS TO NEWEST: Niomi Wightman, Matt &
JonC. Super-newest thank to Benjamin Blundell
and Stuart. Super bonus news thanks to Luka
Mikec, Peter Henningsen & Mike Coats. Super
double new thanks to Katie Steckles, Prophyria,
Rob Mahon, Kier Fox-Mayr, Geoff Tidey, Simon
Howard. And new bonus thanks to Tim Chuma, Tom
YeOldeForge, Austin Hofeman & Marcus Penning.
AND new thanks to atomic.
Oh just subscribe, you lovely lovely people.
https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
-------------------------------------------------
: BONUS "TWO RONNIES" FESSHOLE
"At a family dinner my dad joked that my
girlfriend looks a little bit like Ronnie
Corbett - while she was sitting at the table
with us. I'd never noticed it before but he's
right. And now it's all I can see. This might
end us. Thanks dad."
