NEWSLETTER: "JOIN THE 3 PEOPLE WHO'VE DELETED THEIR TWITTER ACCOUNT AND NOW POST ON B3TA"
This Week:
* LISTEN - to all the people swearing on social
* CHALLENGE - Bad guys in unexpected places
* A TOOL - to help you find local cinema
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the web
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | by sticking altavista
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| on the photocopier"
B3ta e-mail snoozeletter 930 - 22nd Nov 2024
Read this issue:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue930
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making their pets hungry
* SWEARSKY - BLUESKY PROFANITY, AS IT HAPPENS -
Dave Bagpuss writes, "Since most of us have
moved to Bluesky now, I have made this: a flow
of foul language uttered by Bluesky users. You
can click on the expletive to see the original
post. NSFW as it literally yells swear words at
you." Neat, this replicates our monologue of
seeing all the people we mildly dislike do
numbers on a new platform.
https://swearsky.bagpuss.org/
* SHANNON MATTHEWS: THE MUSICAL...THE MOVIE, OUT
TODAY- Kunt of Kunt and the Gang writes, "A kid
is missing. Don't make a song and dance about
it. The bad-taste, dark comedy, true-crime
musical centred on the bizarre disappearance of
Yorkshire schoolgirl Shannon Matthews in 2008
hits Amazon Prime Video, iTunes, Apple TV and
GooglePlay. Written by Kunt and the Gang it
contains indefensible earworms such as Shannon
Ain't Dead (She's Under My Bed), Different Dads
and I've Got A Plan (Based On Maddie McCann). As
seen on ITV's Loose Women (no, really)."
Actually this was out last week but our
newsletter is a week late as we went on holiday
and got stuck in a hot tub.
https://shannonmatthews.co.uk
* YOUR B3TA BLUESKY STARTER PACK - As everyone
is apparently leaving Twitter because it's
horrid, we're currently betting on BlueSky being
the best place to flee to and your editor has
made a "B3ta Starter Pack" so you can follow 60
odd of the old B3ta names.
https://bsky.app/starter-pack/robmanuelyeah.bsky.s...
* THE SPECIALS SING 'GOAT TOWN' - Dave Bagpuss,
yes hum again, has been amusing himself and
quite a few others by adding goats to the Terry
Hall classic.
https://b3ta.com/links/The_Specials_Goat_Town
* FUCK OFF ELON, YOU BIG FONT - Timesnewdumbass
writes, "Elon does this stupid "X" jump all the
time. So we took one of those pictures and
warped it into every letter of the alphabet. Now
it's a free font, available for download."
Perfect, an ideal font to write your fan letters
to Alan Sugar with.
https://timesnewdumbass.co/
* YOUR NEW CINEMA LISTINGS WEBSITE - tombenbow
writes, "I built a website for cinema goers in
the UK. It allows you to discover nearly every
film being shown in the UK in one place,
including films shown at Cineworld, Vue,
Everyman, Odeon, Curzon, Picturehouse, and many
independents. I built this so that cinema goers
in the UK can quickly and easily plan trips to
the cinema, without having to spend ages
trawling different websites. I hope members of
your community might find it useful." Mate,
members of our community never leave the house,
but still, maybe they can pass it onto their
care workers.
https://cinemaguide.co.uk
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Go buy some clothes ok?
Each week we suggest you buy yourself a nice
pair of jeans and a belt coz Hebtro are good
eggs that send B3ta money and we mention them.
It's called advertising. But yeah, the product
is good: nice clothes that last a long time and
are all made in the UK.
https://hebtro.co/
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: FESSHOLE
You know, that confessions stuff
Each week we ask you to confess and post them
out on social media and see if anyone laughs,
and then cut and paste three into this very
newsletter. It's a machine designed to entertain
you.
* RUN! - "Moved in with a lovely woman whose
previous husband died quite young of a heart
attack. 4 months in, my weight has got out of
control, all down to the constant meals & baked
goods she gives me. Starting to see what
happened to her husband & think i need to get
out whilst I can."
* NARK - "My nearest bus stop is near a local
dealers house. I'll stare at whoever is at the
door until they look in my direction and I'll
quickly look away and touch my ear like I'm an
undercover cop on a stake out. In the 2 years
I've been doing this I've made 3 people walk
away quickly"
* TYPICAL - "My wife's confession but I was
having a cardiac event, had to call an ambulance
and my wife forced me to struggle to the spare
bedroom because she didn't want the crew to see
what a tip our bedroom is. I still love her
though."
Follow the BlueSky account that's genuinely now
picking up a bit, it's got 64k followers at the
time of publishing which is over double what it
was a couple of weeks ago, so yeah, looks like
the Twitter exodus is real. And really, for many
people, it's not about politics exactly, more
that the experience of using Twitter has simply
become bad.
https://bsky.app/profile/fesshole.bsky.social/
Come to the shows - we've got Isle of Wight,
London, Preston, Wolverhampton and Leicester
coming up.
https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
And of course buy the book that Amazon is now
saying costs 2.56, but given previous
experience, it'll probably turn into another
random number if you buy a copy cos the entire
website is clearly run like Noel Gallagher
hawking his Shed 7 tickets.
https://amzn.to/40ySjVn
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Your guide to URLS URLS URLS
* SEXY CLIVE SINCLAIR - someone has gone through
old copies of the Mirror newspaper and found an
extraordinary cartoon about the imaginary sexy
life of the man who brought Britain the Sinclair
QL. It genuinely reads like something your
editor thought up in a fever dream.
https://bsky.app/profile/brokentv.bsky.social/post...
* ARE LOVE SONGS ON THE DECLINE - The Pudding
have been down the pop mines again in order to
investigate whether love songs are on the
decline. As always, they could really do with
re-skinning it with data from The Only Chart
That Counts for a UK audience.
https://pudding.cool/2024/11/love-songs/
* CAN YOU DRAW? Relax by drawing a picture, then
seeing what it sounds like. We're sure Brian Eno
doesn't draw cocks in his generative music
tools. Grow up.
https://draw.audio/
* DO NOT GOOGLE GOATSE OK? - We haven't featured
a goatse logo for a while but Barst reckons this
one is "Probably one of the most blatant yet."
https://www.icat.it/en
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: FOLLOW-UPS ON PREVIOUS STORIES
Yes, it's 'what happened next"
Last week we suggested building a music app that
front-loads LPs with the tracks people like and
it prompted this rather enjoyable email from
cbeagley95, "I've always wondered what the most
frontloaded album is based off Spotify stats.
For example the front three tracks from The
Joshua Tree makes up 91.2% of its streams. All
That You Can't Leave Behind slips in just behind
at 90.4% of streams coming from the first four
songs (and singles). The first five songs of Hot
Fuss account for 95.7% of the record. Similarly,
side one of Hounds of Love takes up a mighty
96.5%. Side one of Bowie's Let's Dance takes up
94.7% of the honours. And obviously, the one
that also springs to mind is Black Eyed Peas'
THE E.N.D., where the first five songs of the 15
track LP takes 95.9% of listens. As you can tell
Rob, I've went down a rabbit hole here but I
hope you can appreciate it. Do with this what
you will." Thank you for all that - this is
truly great stuff and some data nerd needs to
expand this to a full website.
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Bad Guys in Unexpected Places
We know numbers aren"t everything but we like
seeing healthy numbers on the image challenges -
over 72 on last week, and this week's over 100 -
well done everyone and specifically well done
Monkeon for stewarding this. Ok, so let's have
some results:
Here's the best images from last week:
* 'Le Shat' keeps things topical with US
politics:
https://b3ta.com/board/11412925
* "Ninj' reminds us that we used to fancy the
Scottish Widows widow but this might prove
challenging:
https://b3ta.com/board/11412843
* 'S4RK' proves that in space no one can hear
you rhaggy.
https://b3ta.com/board/11412868
* See all the other images from the 'Bad Guys in
Unexpected Places' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/badguysinunexpectedplace...
>> This week: Fruit and Veg Movies <<
Let's take a trip to the greengrocers and make
whimsical Photoshops about our favourite fruity
(& veggie) products starring in the movies.
Suggested by Richard Tingley.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/fruitandvegmovies/popula...
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Ok, some ideas to inspire you to make stuff
* THAT'S DEATH - take Esther Rantzen's 1978
cash-in book and crudely manipulate every page
into some art statement about assisted dying,
and Esther's strange role in promoting it.
* ICE CREAM VAN CORE - invent a new music genre
based upon buying chime machines (google:
microminiatures) and circuit bending them.
* FIND SOMETHING TO DO WITH CONKERS - it just
feels sad to us that there's loads of conkers
around and no one wants them any more. We still
pick them up.
Send us your work - we look at everything you
make.
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; Monkeon for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (da chi - Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
BONUS THANKS TO NEWEST: Niomi Wightman, Matt &
JonC. Super-newest thank to Benjamin Blundell
and Stuart. Super bonus news thanks to Luka
Mikec, Peter Henningsen & Mike Coats. Super
double new thanks to Katie Steckles, Prophyria,
Rob Mahon, Kier Fox-Mayr, Geoff Tidey, Simon
Howard. And new bonus thanks to Tim Chuma, Tom
YeOldeForge, Austin Hofeman & Marcus Penning.
AND new thanks to atomic.
Oh just subscribe, you lovely lovely people.
https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
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: BONUS "I CLOSED MY LAPTOP" FESSHOLE
"I closed my laptop as my wife came in the room
and she's convinced I was watching porn. In
reality our 22 year old cat just died and I had
about 50 tabs of kittens for sale or adoption. I
miss her terribly and it feels like cheating."
