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NEWSLETTER: "JOIN THE 3 PEOPLE WHO'VE DELETED THEIR TWITTER ACCOUNT AND NOW POST ON B3TA"

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This Week:
* LISTEN - to all the people swearing on social
* CHALLENGE - Bad guys in unexpected places
* A TOOL - to help you find local cinema
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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're saving the web
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |  by sticking altavista
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|   on the photocopier"

B3ta e-mail snoozeletter 930 - 22nd Nov 2024

Read this issue:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue930

-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
  Other than making their pets hungry

  * SWEARSKY - BLUESKY PROFANITY, AS IT HAPPENS -
  Dave Bagpuss writes, "Since most of us have
  moved to Bluesky now, I have made this: a flow
  of foul language uttered by Bluesky users. You
  can click on the expletive to see the original
  post. NSFW as it literally yells swear words at
  you." Neat, this replicates our monologue of
  seeing all the people we mildly dislike do
  numbers on a new platform.
https://swearsky.bagpuss.org/

  * SHANNON MATTHEWS: THE MUSICAL...THE MOVIE, OUT
  TODAY- Kunt of Kunt and the Gang writes, "A kid
  is missing. Don't make a song and dance about
  it. The bad-taste, dark comedy, true-crime
  musical centred on the bizarre disappearance of
  Yorkshire schoolgirl Shannon Matthews in 2008
  hits Amazon Prime Video, iTunes, Apple TV and
  GooglePlay. Written by Kunt and the Gang it
  contains indefensible earworms such as Shannon
  Ain't Dead (She's Under My Bed), Different Dads
  and I've Got A Plan (Based On Maddie McCann). As
  seen on ITV's Loose Women (no, really)."
  Actually this was out last week but our
  newsletter is a week late as we went on holiday
  and got stuck in a hot tub.
https://shannonmatthews.co.uk

  * YOUR B3TA BLUESKY STARTER PACK - As everyone
  is apparently leaving Twitter because it's
  horrid, we're currently betting on BlueSky being
  the best place to flee to and your editor has
  made a "B3ta Starter Pack" so you can follow 60
  odd of the old B3ta names.
https://bsky.app/starter-pack/robmanuelyeah.bsky.s...

  * THE SPECIALS SING 'GOAT TOWN' - Dave Bagpuss,
  yes hum again, has been amusing himself and
  quite a few others by adding goats to the Terry
  Hall classic.
https://b3ta.com/links/The_Specials_Goat_Town

  * FUCK OFF ELON, YOU BIG FONT - Timesnewdumbass
  writes, "Elon does this stupid "X" jump all the
  time. So we took one of those pictures and
  warped it into every letter of the alphabet. Now
  it's a free font, available for download."
  Perfect, an ideal font to write your fan letters
  to Alan Sugar with.
https://timesnewdumbass.co/

  * YOUR NEW CINEMA LISTINGS WEBSITE - tombenbow
  writes, "I built a website for cinema goers in
  the UK. It allows you to discover nearly every
  film being shown in the UK in one place,
  including films shown at Cineworld, Vue,
  Everyman, Odeon, Curzon, Picturehouse, and many
  independents. I built this so that cinema goers
  in the UK can quickly and easily plan trips to
  the cinema, without having to spend ages
  trawling different websites. I hope members of
  your community might find it useful." Mate,
  members of our community never leave the house,
  but still, maybe they can pass it onto their
  care workers.
https://cinemaguide.co.uk

-------------------------------------------------

: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
  Go buy some clothes ok?

  Each week we suggest you buy yourself a nice
  pair of jeans and a belt coz Hebtro are good
  eggs that send B3ta money and we mention them.
  It's called advertising. But yeah, the product
  is good: nice clothes that last a long time and
  are all made in the UK.
https://hebtro.co/

-------------------------------------------------

: FESSHOLE
  You know, that confessions stuff

  Each week we ask you to confess and post them
  out on social media and see if anyone laughs,
  and then cut and paste three into this very
  newsletter. It's a machine designed to entertain
  you.

  * RUN! - "Moved in with a lovely woman whose
  previous husband died quite young of a heart
  attack. 4 months in, my weight has got out of
  control, all down to the constant meals & baked
  goods she gives me. Starting to see what
  happened to her husband & think i need to get
  out whilst I can."

  * NARK - "My nearest bus stop is near a local
  dealers house. I'll stare at whoever is at the
  door until they look in my direction and I'll
  quickly look away and touch my ear like I'm an
  undercover cop on a stake out. In the 2 years
  I've been doing this I've made 3 people walk
  away quickly"

  * TYPICAL - "My wife's confession but I was
  having a cardiac event, had to call an ambulance
  and my wife forced me to struggle to the spare
  bedroom because she didn't want the crew to see
  what a tip our bedroom is. I still love her
  though."

  Follow the BlueSky account that's genuinely now
  picking up a bit, it's got 64k followers at the
  time of publishing which is over double what it
  was a couple of weeks ago, so yeah, looks like
  the Twitter exodus is real. And really, for many
  people, it's not about politics exactly, more
  that the experience of using Twitter has simply
  become bad.
https://bsky.app/profile/fesshole.bsky.social/

  Come to the shows - we've got Isle of Wight,
  London, Preston, Wolverhampton and Leicester
  coming up.
https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole

  And of course buy the book that Amazon is now
  saying costs 2.56, but given previous
  experience, it'll probably turn into another
  random number if you buy a copy cos the entire
  website is clearly run like Noel Gallagher
  hawking his Shed 7 tickets.
https://amzn.to/40ySjVn

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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Your guide to URLS URLS URLS

  * SEXY CLIVE SINCLAIR - someone has gone through
  old copies of the Mirror newspaper and found an
  extraordinary cartoon about the imaginary sexy
  life of the man who brought Britain the Sinclair
  QL. It genuinely reads like something your
  editor thought up in a fever dream.
https://bsky.app/profile/brokentv.bsky.social/post...

  * ARE LOVE SONGS ON THE DECLINE - The Pudding
  have been down the pop mines again in order to
  investigate whether love songs are on the
  decline.  As always, they could really do with
  re-skinning it with data from The Only Chart
  That Counts for a UK audience.
https://pudding.cool/2024/11/love-songs/

  * CAN YOU DRAW? Relax by drawing a picture, then
  seeing what it sounds like. We're sure Brian Eno
  doesn't draw cocks in his generative music
  tools. Grow up.
https://draw.audio/

  * DO NOT GOOGLE GOATSE OK? - We haven't featured
  a goatse logo for a while but Barst reckons this
  one is "Probably one of the most blatant yet."
https://www.icat.it/en

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: FOLLOW-UPS ON PREVIOUS STORIES
  Yes, it's 'what happened next"

  Last week we suggested building a music app that
  front-loads LPs with the tracks people like and
  it prompted this rather enjoyable email from
  cbeagley95, "I've always wondered what the most
  frontloaded album is based off Spotify stats.
  For example the front three tracks from The
  Joshua Tree makes up 91.2% of its streams. All
  That You Can't Leave Behind slips in just behind
  at 90.4% of streams coming from the first four
  songs (and singles). The first five songs of Hot
  Fuss account for 95.7% of the record. Similarly,
  side one of Hounds of Love takes up a mighty
  96.5%. Side one of Bowie's Let's Dance takes up
  94.7% of the honours. And obviously, the one
  that also springs to mind is Black Eyed Peas'
  THE E.N.D., where the first five songs of the 15
  track LP takes 95.9% of listens. As you can tell
  Rob, I've went down a rabbit hole here but I
  hope you can appreciate it. Do with this what
  you will." Thank you for all that - this is
  truly great stuff and some data nerd needs to
  expand this to a full website.

-------------------------------------------------

: IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Bad Guys in Unexpected Places

  We know numbers aren"t everything but we like
  seeing healthy numbers on the image challenges -
  over 72 on last week, and this week's over 100 -
  well done everyone and specifically well done
  Monkeon for stewarding this. Ok, so let's have
  some results:

  Here's the best images from last week:

  * 'Le Shat' keeps things topical with US
  politics:
https://b3ta.com/board/11412925

  * "Ninj' reminds us that we used to fancy the
  Scottish Widows widow but this might prove
  challenging:
https://b3ta.com/board/11412843

  * 'S4RK' proves that in space no one can hear
  you rhaggy.
https://b3ta.com/board/11412868

  * See all the other images from the 'Bad Guys in
  Unexpected Places' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/badguysinunexpectedplace...


  >> This week: Fruit and Veg Movies <<
  Let's take a trip to the greengrocers and make
  whimsical Photoshops about our favourite fruity
  (& veggie) products starring in the movies.
  Suggested by Richard Tingley.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/fruitandvegmovies/popula...

-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
  Ok, some ideas to inspire you to make stuff

  * THAT'S DEATH - take Esther Rantzen's 1978
  cash-in book and crudely manipulate every page
  into some art statement about assisted dying,
  and Esther's strange role in promoting it.

  * ICE CREAM VAN CORE - invent a new music genre
  based upon buying chime machines (google:
  microminiatures) and circuit bending them.

  * FIND SOMETHING TO DO WITH CONKERS - it just
  feels sad to us that there's loads of conkers
  around and no one wants them any more. We still
  pick them up.

  Send us your work - we look at everything you
  make.
https://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: PATREON THANKS
  We love all these people. Almost romantically.

  *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
  MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
  JAMES* *STOOBERT*

  24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
  EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
  LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
  VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
  SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
  ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH

  Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
  lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
  Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
  Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
  Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
  Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
  blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
  Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
  Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
  Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
  Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
  Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
  H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
  Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
  Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
  Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
  Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
  Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
  Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
  McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
  Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
  Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
  Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
  Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
  Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
  Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
  mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
  OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
  Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
  Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
  pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
  Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
  RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
  sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
  McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
  Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
  Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
  Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
  Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
  Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
  Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
  Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
  Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
  Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
  Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
  James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
  Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
  Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
  Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
  Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
  Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
  Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
  Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
  Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
  Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
  Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
  Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
  Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
  STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
  Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
  Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
  Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
  Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
  Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
  Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
  Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
  Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
  Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
  Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
  FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
  Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
  Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
  Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
  madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
  Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
  Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
  Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
  Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
  Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
  Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
  Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
  Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
  Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
  Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
  Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
  Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.

  EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
  additional links; Monkeon for image challenge
  help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
  by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (da chi - Kat)

  And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
  Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
  Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
  Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
  NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
  Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
  Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
  Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
  Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
  Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
  Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
  Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
  love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
  - extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
  Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
  Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
  and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
  McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
  Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
  PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
  Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
  the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
  to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
  appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
  Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
  Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
  Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
  YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
  Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
  you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
  Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
  THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
  BONUS THANKS TO NEWEST: Niomi Wightman, Matt &
  JonC. Super-newest thank to Benjamin Blundell
  and Stuart. Super bonus news thanks to Luka
  Mikec, Peter Henningsen & Mike Coats. Super
  double new thanks to Katie Steckles, Prophyria,
  Rob Mahon, Kier Fox-Mayr, Geoff Tidey, Simon
  Howard. And new bonus thanks to Tim Chuma, Tom
  YeOldeForge, Austin Hofeman & Marcus Penning.
  AND new thanks to atomic.

  Oh just subscribe, you lovely lovely people.
https://b3ta.com/subscribe/

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: BONUS "I CLOSED MY LAPTOP" FESSHOLE

  "I closed my laptop as my wife came in the room
  and she's convinced I was watching porn. In
  reality our 22 year old cat just died and I had
  about 50 tabs of kittens for sale or adoption. I
  miss her terribly and it feels like cheating."

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