NEWSLETTER: "THE OFFICIAL FAN NEWSLETTER OF MODERATELY OK URLS IS HERE ONCE AGAIN"
* FUNNY BUSINESS NAMES - all in one place
* HOW PUNCTUAL ARE YOU - a timely quiz
* DOCTOR WHO CHALLENGE - quite a good one actually
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the web
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | by bothering to exist
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| whilst others give up"
B3ta e-news-newsletter 945 - 25th April 2025
Ask Alexa to read this issue in a squeaky voice:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue945
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making "bread" with human "yeast"
* PUNNY NAME CORNER - JimmerUK writes "I had
this idea running through my head for a long
time, somewhere to collect all the pictures of
businesses with silly names. I played around
with it, ignored it, revisited it, started
putting something together, left it again, then
just tagged things on until I ended up putting
together a monster. Now I can finally think
about more important things." This is like an
idea we would have had, we're almost annoyed we
didn't do it, and have to mention a film rental
business we once spotted in West London,
"Lights, Cameras, Acton"
https://punpages.com/
* HOW PUNCTUAL ARE YOU? - Matt Round is on fire
at the moment, punting out projects every week,
and his latest tests you on your lateness or
on-time-ness. And once you realise what he's
doing here you'll internally go "FFS Matt"
https://vole.wtf/how-punctual/
* HOW I BECAME AN EGG CUP CEO - 'Pig Face
Turnip' is like a deep cut B3ta contributor
whose content we always enjoy, so go with him
now, on a journey into the business world of
ovid mugs.
https://b3ta.com/links/How_I_Became_an_Egg_Cup_CEO
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Oh yes, it's time to buy some lovely clothes
You know how it's traditional to buy your loved
ones chocolate eggs at Easter? Why not create a
new tradition where you buy them sturdy clothes
that'll make them look tough and rugged? Also
why not have the clothes arrive later than
Easter as we didn't think of this angle until
writing this copy on Good Friday and then being
too busy to write a proper newsletter and
posting it a week later. Anyway, support the
excellent B3ta sponsor, and buy clothes made in
the UK and to the highest standards.
https://hebtro.co/new/
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: FESSHOLE
Your fesses fessed up again
Yeah it's Fesshole, do we have to explain it?
Confessions, currently not working on Twitter
coz Elon Musk has "rate limited" it - thanks,
you complete and utter useless pillock. Anyway,
here's a handful of good ones:
* COAL - "On a family holiday to France in 2016,
we bought a large bag of charcoal. Didn't use it
so we bought it home - despite not having a
barbecue. It's in the garage now, unopened. It's
moved house with us twice. It's part of the
family now, I can't burn it."
* DOMESTIC FRAUD - "Our 'cleaner' gets paid in
cash. Only, there isn't one and I do it all
myself while working from home while my partner
is at work. I'm earning a nice little side
hustle. I'm tempted to up the hourly rate."
* EXCELLENT IDEA - "I boiled my sausages in the
office kitchenette kettle. Soon an all-staff
email went out complaining that the tea tasted
like sausage. This event still remains a
mystery."
Follow the account on BlueSky, coz as we said,
Twitter is fucked beyond belief.
https://bsky.app/profile/fesshole.bsky.social/
Buy some tickets - why the fuck not. The shows
are good, you'll enjoy them. Want the dates do
you? Diss - 10th September; Worthing - 15th
October; Liverpool - 12th Nov. Thank you all who
came to Swansea, what a lovely gig that was.
https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
Buy the books that will be the only thing left
of our civilisation in 100 years time. Well,
maybe not, but we reckon they'll stand up quite
interestingly in the future, in that if you
could look at a Victorian Fesshole, you probably
would.
https://amzn.to/40ySjVn
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Your "Look-In" A-Team posters this week
* CLIMB DOWN - We have a specific soft spot for
platform games about putting on a mining helmet
and doing pixel perfect jumps, and so ended up
playing this for some time.
https://lightning8113.itch.io/descend-with-caution
* SHUFFLE YOUR KNUCKLES - In some highly
unlikely probability, there have been two sites
this week attempting to show how random a
shuffled pack of cards really is. This is the
best one.
https://www.infiniteshuffle.net
* GOLF BOLLOCKS - What if QWOP but golf? In the
days of vibe coding, annoying broken mechanics
are going to become the norm, so enjoy it while
it's still a deliberate novelty.
https://thomaspark.itch.io/glof
* LONDON UNDERGROUND LIVE - Using TFL API's this
chap has made a live map over the whole system,
can even see the progress of each train and the
buildings. It would be even better if you could
drop little bombs on them.
https://www.londonunderground.live/
* THERE.COM - an investigation into a game that
almost no one plays anymore. That sounds dull
doesn't it, but it's not, as it's a look into an
almost dead community, which is still hanging on
in there. No, don't say just like b3ta, you mean
bastards.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
* CRAP TOWNS - remember that crap towns book?
Authour has written a tell-all about how the
vibe is different now and would he still write
it or not? Not that we have similar thoughts
about some of the dodgier moments that went out
under the B3ta name twenty odd years ago.
https://samj.substack.com/p/that-joke-isnt-funny-a...
* DISHWASHER TECHNOLOGY UPDATE - Just a video of
utter joy, that both has a profound allegorical
meaning but also makes us want to smash things
for fun.
https://b3ta.com/links/What_a_time_to_be_alive:2
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Dr Who Goes Pop
Here's the best images from last week, in the
Doctor Who challenge that got over 100 entries.
Hooray.
* Well done to Fitzpirate who reminded us that
HMV still exists, although probably mostly sells
funkoplops
https://b3ta.com/board/11417033
* Congrats to Monkeon who made an image that
wouldn't upload successfully to BlueSky
https://b3ta.com/board/11417072
* And props to Chris Barker who entered about 20
times and we're linking to the one that didn't
get the highest votes but that we personally
liked the best
https://b3ta.com/board/11417010
* See all the other images from the 'Dr Who Goes
Pop' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/drwhogoespop/popular
>> This week: Zombies II <<
It's been 21 years since our Zombies! challenge,
and most of the images are now 404 dead. Let's
bring them back to life with another undead
challenge. Suggested by Kosso.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/zombies2/popular
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: FOLLOW UPS ON PREVIOUS STORIES
Yes, it's 'what happened next'
* MATT ROUND IS MAKING YET MORE GAMES - and he's
live blogging the creation of a football game
here. Yes football, the nerds do football things
now. Deal with it, jocks.
https://bsky.app/profile/mattround.com/post/3lnftr...
* BIG RON'S BIG PIES - Pleased to see B3ta
adjacent Log getting a write-up at the BBC for
his Bafta nomination. Also there's genuine
insight here into how to do voices as an amateur
- the context of a rest phrase to get you back
into character is brilliant.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cn7x60xlnvlo
log?
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some ideas to start you off
* SOCIAL MEDIA SIMULATOR - occurs to us it would
be good for our mental health if we weren't
posting so much, and thus a methadone version of
social media should be made which lets you post
and it shows it to no one, but still gave you a
small dopamine trickle of likes, favs and
follows, and even replies: "Good post Rob"
* MAKE YOUR OWN WINE - by mixing Balsamic
vinegar and vodka. We haven't tried this but
it's an idle thought we had looking at our
kitchen cupboard and we haven't been drunk
enough this week to put the idea into reality.
* 'SCHOOL FOR DAD JOKES' - honestly a course
that taught new dads to be funnier for their
toddlers would be the most charming thing that
could ever exist.
Send us your projects, trained professionals
look at everything sent in. Ok, our professional
training was in databases and we've forgotten
most of it, but it's not like there's another
b3ta run by people who are better.
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; Monkeon for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (Hunky dory - Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
BONUS THANKS TO NEWEST: Niomi Wightman, Matt &
JonC. Super-newest thank to Benjamin Blundell
and Stuart. Super bonus news thanks to Luka
Mikec, Peter Henningsen & Mike Coats. Super
double new thanks to Katie Steckles, Prophyria,
Rob Mahon, Kier Fox-Mayr, Geoff Tidey, Simon
Howard. And new bonus thanks to Tim Chuma, Tom
YeOldeForge, Austin Hofeman & Marcus Penning.
AND new thanks to atomic.
Oh just subscribe, you lovely lovely people.
https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
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: BONUS "it's good that terrible people find
each other so they don't bother the rest of
us" FESSHOLE
Recently got married and my wife delightfully
referred to my cum as "hubby custard" in her
best Teletubby voice. I think I married the
right person and couldn't be prouder.
