NEWSLETTER: "B3TA ANNOUNCES 100% TARIFFS ON U.S. MEMES SO YOU START SHARING 'BADGER BADGER BADGER' AGAIN"
* CHALLENGE - De 'Americanise' US movies
* CADBURYS - Actual Dairy Milk scandal
* PUBLIC TRANSPORT - where is the busiest bus?
-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the web
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | by wiping our fav
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| 'skeets' on a bog roll"
B3ta electro-newsletter 947 - 9th May 2025
Read this issue out in a creepy voice to a child:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue947
-------------------------------------------------
: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making spouses unhappy with PC
neglect
* WHERE ARE THE BUSIEST BUS STOPS IN LONDON? -
Ed Jefferson has made a new public transport
project and writes "why not use it to optimise
your own commute and flick the Vs out the window
at all the poor fools trying to get on at the
busiest stop on route?" We'd also like to
congratulate Ed on getting married a few weeks
ago, and this was a fine way to spend their
honeymoon.
https://edjefferson.com/busiestbusstops/
* OH GOD IT'S A CONFUSING PUZZLE GAME -
usefulcat writes, "I've made Buzzled, a number
puzzle using the best ever shape: hexagons!
Colour the hexes black or yellow to match the
colour sum for that row. And when you've
completed it you've made a pretty pattern." This
did well on the /links board with lots of votes
so we've shoved it in.
https://puzzmallow.com/buzzled
* BUY B3TAN'S COMIC SO HE STOPS BUGGING US
PLEASE - Chris Barker begs, "I just want to sell
comics really. If you fancy putting it in your
newsletter I'm totally skint again." OK, just
this once Chris, because we're weak and easily
bullied.
https://peakrill.com/products/dregs-of-rudetown-co...
-------------------------------------------------
: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Would you like to buy some clothes?
The lovely people at Hebtro sponsor B3ta on the
basis that each week we remind you that they're
a great place to buy your clothes. All made in
the UK, to the highest standards, built to last
and ideal as gifts for men, or the man that you
are, or the man you want to be. Toggle up and
get buying.
https://hebtro.co/new/
-------------------------------------------------
: FESSHOLE
Your horrible confessions fessed up for clicks
Five years ago we opened a Google form and asked
you to confess and somehow this turned into a
project. Our own fault really, as we were just
looking for some filler newsletter content, and
here we are now, stuck with this thing. Anyway,
it's quite fun sometimes and here's three of our
favs this week:
* HOLIDAY LIES - "I'm currently on a break in a
cabin in the woods. I've looked up local
attractions so I can tell people all about my
exciting holiday, but I actually plan to spend
the whole time either in the hot tub or playing
Football Manager."
* CIG FIBS - "Met my now Mrs by asking for her
for a light in the smoking section of a club.
Went through the whole process of quitting and
she was so impressed and proud she quit too.
Both smoke free for 10+ years. Only I've never
been a smoker. Borrowed a cig just so I could
approach her."
* FARE DODGERS - "I'm a respectable 33 y/o
married lady who does almost nothing out of the
ordinary. I do however have an arrangement with
a taxi driver who picks me up 4 times a week for
work. He doesn't charge me as long as I fart
while I'm in his cab. Bit weird but it's saved
me £500 so far"
Follow the account that has followers because
people mistook it for that funny one that posts
videos of The Good Life mashed up with the
Blake's 7 ending.
https://bsky.app/profile/fesshole.bsky.social/
* COME TO THE SHOWS: Leeds - Hifi Club - 24th
July, Diss - Corn Hall - 10th Sept, Worthing -
Factory Live - 15th Oct, Liverpool - Hot Water
Comedy - 12th Nov.
https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
* BUY THE BOOKS - ideal for people who find
reading social media sites painful to the eyes
because computer screens are made of light. You
need books our friend, light bounces off them
and it's less stressful.
https://amzn.to/40ySjVn
-------------------------------------------------
: SITES IN BRIEF
Your knitting patterns for web 0.1
* DOCTOR WHO VS HIS CHAIRS - b3ta boarder LP
suggests you check out the furniture of
Britain's favourite space opera whilst saying,
"In an amazing feat of dedication to an idea,
someone watched all of Classic Doctor Who and
attempted to identify all the chairs."
https://pinkforyouractualpterodactyl.com/2021/06/2...
* LET'S GET INTERNET MARRIED - This site
searches domains to find sites with the
nameandname dot com format to see which couples
are getting married (well, straight ones with
common American names, anyway). Presumably
404ing links means a divorce.
https://randomweddingfinder.com
* RANK THE TALL PEOPLE - *****e of the week is
this challenge to rank famous people from
tallest to shortest. Who gets to play the
billionaire class who looks down on the other
six classes? Good luck playing if your colour
vision aint up to much, as this thing is colour
coded as fuck.
https://www.talldle.com/
* VOTE ON WHETHER AMERICA SHOULD TURN RIGHT -
Neal Dotfun's taking everyone on an American
road trip, with users voting which way to turn.
One of the few sites that could actually do with
a chat box, as it would be nice to discuss any
weird sightings or repeatedly ask if we're
nearly there yet.
https://neal.fun/internet-roadtrip/
* FOREVER SHITTING LEGO DOG - In a world where
AI has made everyone hate art, the world's
artists have pivoted to making the stuff that AI
can't do yet, thank god.
https://b3ta.com/links/Forever_shitting_lego_dog
* EXPERIENCE YOUR OWN TERRIBLE 90s U2 GIG -
Watch every Carry On film at the same time. This
is what it feels like to be Neo in the Matrix
but to be loaded with Britishness.
https://b3ta.com/links/Save_time_this_Bank_Holiday...
* DAIRY MILK FUCKERY - And speaking of peak
Britishness, someone has done science on
Birmingham Dairy Milk vs the stuff made in
Poland and sold as the same thing and found,
conclusively, that the taste is noticeably
different. This is genuinely a scandal that
could end up front page news.
https://old.reddit.com/r/CasualUK/comments/1kihoxv...
-------------------------------------------------
: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Album Cover Cameos - results
Here's the best images from last week:
* OK, HappyToast can have the best entry glory
with his tribute to Germany's answer to OMD
https://b3ta.com/board/11417323
* We'll give Chris Barker a few points for
mentioning Birmingham's second best export after
Bird's Custard
https://b3ta.com/board/11417392
* And a booby prize to 'The Twisted Omentum' for
making us think about Bjorn from Abba's bottom
https://b3ta.com/board/11417512
* See all the other images from the 'Album Cover
Cameos' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/albumcovercameos/popular
>> This week: De-Americanise Movies <<
Donald Trump is coming for the movie industry
with his massive tariffs. Show how studios can
dodge paying them by remaking Hollywood movies
outside of America. Suggested by ChrisTheBarker.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/deamericanisemovies/popu...
-------------------------------------------------
: FOLLOW UPS ON PREVIOUS STORIES
Yes, it's 'what happened next'
* CHRIS SHAW OF EGG POD BECOMES BEATLES
PROFESSOR OR SOMETHING - he writes, "Thrilled to
announce that I've been selected to sit on the
Editorial Board for The Journal of Beatles
Studies, published by Liverpool University
Press." I am the eggprof indeed.
https://iamtheeggpod.com/2025/05/06/the-journal-of...
* LIGHTS, CAMERA, AMSTRAD ACTION! - Sean McManus
writes, "I share your love of Amstrads! You
might be interested in my free 90-page ebook of
articles about and listings for the Amstrad
(with one Spectrum article in there too)." We
gave this a quick read and were surprised to
realise that Sean wrote Gigo, an Amstrad type-in
we typed in in the 1980s and for some reason
looms large in our memory. He also says, "Thanks
for reading my message and for the newsletter
which I always look forward to receiving." So
the love is mutual!
https://www.sean.co.uk/books/retro-compendium/inde...
-------------------------------------------------
: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some ideas to kick you off your own wifi
* VAPE OR PROFESSIONAL KAZOO - maybe not the
most exciting quiz ever, it's not dog toy or sex
toy, but it is remarkable how similar they look
according to 15 seconds checking on Amazon.
* GRAND THEFT AUTO, TRAINSPOTTING EDITION -
noticing that Rockstar Games is based in
Edinburgh we wonder what the game would be like
if we didn"t live under US cultural hegemony. We
want to chase old bangers around Edinburgh,
doing smack deals, all sponsored by Dragon Soop.
* "ARE YOU STREAMING FACISM? INSTALL BITTORRENT
TODAY" - a campaign to get the whole world to
pirate streamers again given that Trump wants to
put tariffs on non-US media.
Tell us about your project, we look at
everything sent into this form, and have done
since 2001, which probably makes this form
unique in the entire history of the internet.
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
-------------------------------------------------
: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; Monkeon for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (roger - Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
BONUS THANKS TO NEWEST: Niomi Wightman, Matt &
JonC. Super-newest thank to Benjamin Blundell
and Stuart. Super bonus news thanks to Luka
Mikec, Peter Henningsen & Mike Coats. Super
double new thanks to Katie Steckles, Prophyria,
Rob Mahon, Kier Fox-Mayr, Geoff Tidey, Simon
Howard. And new bonus thanks to Tim Chuma, Tom
YeOldeForge, Austin Hofeman & Marcus Penning.
AND new thanks to atomic.
Oh just subscribe, you lovely lovely people.
https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
-------------------------------------------------
: BONUS "UP THE WORKERS" FESSHOLE
"Boss of a small regional office decided that he
liked the idea of everyone staying an extra 10
mins after their shifts to fill in an online
form listing five things they did that day. He
changed his mind very quickly after just one
email from Unite the Union. Join a union."
