NEWSLETTER: "THE OFFICIAL NEWSLETTER OF THE INTERNET REENACTMENT SOCIETY"
* GAME - fight 'dark patterns' & book a flight
* ANOTHER GAME - Titanic comes back for revenge
* MORE GAMES - it's Top Of The Popes, pope pickers
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the web
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | by faxing the best gifs
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| to the local library"
B3ta e-snailmail newsletter 949 - 30th May 2025
Read issue & pretend to be HAL losing his mind:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue949
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making "eggy tributes" to the Royals
* FLIGHT FEE DODGER - Matt Gordon writes, "Hi
B3ta, my friend Brendan Donnelly made a fun
little web game your readers might enjoy. You
have 1 minute to book a budget flight while
trying to dodge all the dodgy fees and dark
patterns." Thanks Matt, although do please tell
Brendan to contact us directly. An enjoyable bit
of satire that made us very stressed and glad
we're not part of the international jet set, and
instead go everywhere by camel.
https://www.flightfeedodger.com/
* TITANIC, THE COMPUTER GAME - loyalmussy
writes, "Hello. You previously linked to my
Steven Tyler Calculator, and I have another
silly one if you want to check it out: Titanic
Re-Christened: Maiden Vengeance. In this short,
dark humor game, pilot the sentient Titanic on
its mission for revenge against the iceberg
stronghold." Quite a neat idea, this. It made us
wonder about a gaming sequel to Jaws, where you
play the ghost of the sexy swimming lady who
comes back to haunt the shark and give him bad
vibes.
https://andymetoo.itch.io/titanic-re-christened-ma...
* HOW TO DRAW A FROG - Smartie123 is back with
his animated series that some are saying is "the
most wholesome thing on b3ta". So get in early
before it becomes famous like Simon Le Bon.
https://b3ta.com/links/How_to_Draw_Games
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Wearing clothes is good, you know?
Hebtro is a British clothing company who have
sponsored B3ta for a bloody long time. Their
shtick is making clothes entirely in the UK, and
designing them to last so they don't fall apart
in two weeks like the cheap shit on Temu or
whatever. You pay for this quality and it's also
a great place to look for gifts for the men in
your life - they'll probably like a lethal
looking penknife or a new belt. Yes they will,
make them happy.
https://hebtro.co/new/
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: FESSHOLE
Your weekly dose of fess-based fesses
Each week you submit about 1,000 fesses, and
your editor reads them all. People sometimes
even tell us they find this meaningful, that
they've said something and it is read, even if
it's not published. Is this a public service?
Well, not intentionally, but who can truly
understand all facets of the projects they put
into the world? Anyway, those numbers, 1,000
come in a week, 112 are published a week, and
three are chosen for this section of the
newsletter. And these are the three right here.
* STEVE BULL(SHIT) - "My kids & wife think I
used to be a professional footballer who played
for Wolves because I photoshopped myself into a
team photo and have it framed in the living
room, one Google search and my lie is over,
luckily they don't care about football enough to
check."
* HOUSE OF LANDLORDS - "Trying to buy my first
home and got outbid twice by private landlords.
Third time it happened I stuck with the bidding
war until the price had increased by £45,000.
Way over my mortgage in principle but I was
making damn sure they paid more than its worth."
* SOMEONE, PISS ON HIS CHIPS - "I'm an absolute
disgrace. Today, a fairly typical day, I went to
Wetherspoons to work on my laptop. I paid £1.29
for a refillable cup and had six coffees. Lunch?
Scraps I found on four plates, including onion
rings, chips and pizza. I'm not even hard up.
The thrill. I can't stop."
Follow the account that, as we're talking
numbers this week, has 92k followers on BlueSky,
a million followers on Twitter, 119k followers
on Threads and 9k followers on Mastodon. There's
also about 90k lurking on TikTok, 25k on
Facebook and 60k on Instagram, but we're not so
great at keeping those up to date, so we'd
recommend the BlueSky one these days.
https://bsky.app/profile/fesshole.bsky.social/
Come to the gigs. Your editor puts a lot of
effort into making the gigs good fun and
basically writes a new second act every time so
he's bloody well working for a living doing this
stuff. There's tickets available for Leeds,
Diss, Worthing and Liverpool.
https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
Buy the books, if you like, they're quite fun,
let's go and have a nose at the reviews on
Amazon to find something to quote: "It's an
ideal loo read (Lou Reed)."
https://amzn.to/40ySjVn
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: SITES IN BRIEF
It's Netscape Gold's 'cool pages of the week'
* CAN YOU BECOME TOP OF THE POPES? - Simple web
game where you battle multiple choice options to
become the leader of the Catholic Church. Fun
can be had by naming your Pope something rude,
which is a feature more games should have
really, as who wouldn't want to play Manic Miner
where the player could change his name from
Miner Willy to Adolf Shitler?
https://labx31.github.io/whitesmoke/
* UNFINISHED PROJECT RELEASE FORM - If you're
anything like us, you have four thousand ideas
for every one project you make. But worse than
that: for every project you get out the door,
there's twenty half-finished ones that died a
death in production due to apathy, other things
becoming more interesting, and a general sense
of nothing being worthwhile - why bother making
anything in a world where the audience can't
tell the difference between AI slop and craft.
Recognising this, this is an absolutely brutal
gift for someone creative.
https://shop.weirdsideprojects.com/product/unfinis...
* THREE DIMENSIONAL SCANS OF PUBLIC SHITTERS -
Quite why there's now an archive of 3D scans of
public toilets isn't a question we've bothered
Googling to answer, preferring to use our
imagination. It's for perverts. Or just that
instinct to use advanced technology for absurd
things, and thus satirise the very concept of
running sensible projects. Or, maybe, bogs are
interesting. The loo in our local park is quite
interesting, there's graffiti saying "sus vibes,
this place" which has named the place to us.
"Just off for a piss in sus vibes"
https://restroomarchive.jakewelch.design/
* SOD THIS, SPELLING BEE IS BETTER - W****e of
the week is *o**l* of the last 187 weeks, as you
get to play every single game of **rd** there
has ever been all at once.
https://everydle.jakeo.dev
* A PI THEMED FRUIT MACHINE FOR NERDS - Spin the
numbers and if you get a pattern of note in the
pi slice you get points. And you do get
something for a pair... thirty points, in fact.
https://pipattern.n4ze3m.com
* .WAV-Y BIRDS - Dust off your MP3 folder and
play Flappy Bird with levels generated by a tune
of your choice. We checked with John Cage's 4'33
and it does seem to be doing what it claims.
(Next week, a version of Kevin Toms' Software
Star which uses your favourite Midi files as the
random seed number generator.)
https://fialagames.itch.io/beatrush
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: ASK B3TA
You ask questions, we go "fuck knows mate"
This week Neil Ives asks, "B3TA once showed a
link to a search engine that you could set to
ignore the first x number of pages. The effect
was like going back to the glorious early days
of the Internet when there was not wall-to-wall
advertising. If you happen to have a link to
that site will you send it to me please. Thank
you".
Yep, in Newsletter 527 (May 2012) we linked to
'million short' which 'simply removes the
million most popular sites'. Can't say we've
thought about it since, but given the top
results now are dreadful AI, maybe it's time for
a comeback.
https://millionshort.com/
If you've got a question you can't ask Jeeves
then ask B3ta and we'll answer if we can be
arsed as a bit of newsletter filler.
http://b3ta.com/mailus
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Desecrate landmark challenge
Last week we asked "what landmarks would you
desecrate for a shitty TikTok video?" with this
newsletter's personal answer being we'd take
Christ The Redeemer in Rio, and hook up
hosepipes to his hands, for a full stigmata
effect. Maybe stick a bit of colour into it for
public holidays, anyway, here's our three favs
for your consideration:
* 'Octo' used Stone Henge to pay tribute to Geri
Halliwell's finest album of the year 2000
https://b3ta.com/board/11417890
* 'Penultimate Straw' upgraded the Millennium
Wheel to make it wheely good
https://b3ta.com/board/11417824
* 'Monkeon' has decided to make USA's democratic
institutions a little sharper
https://b3ta.com/board/11417883
You can see all these images and many more - 77
more at the point of writing this sentence which
makes this a moderately popular challenge rather
than a complete wash out.
https://b3ta.com/challenge/desecratealandmark/popu...
>> NEW CHALLENGE ALERT: SOAPS <<
And what, you ask, is the challenge this week?
Well we've gone with the single word 'soap'
because you should all wash more you dirty
bastards.
https://b3ta.com/challenge/soaps/popular
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: FOLLOW UPS ON PREVIOUS STORIES
It's the 'what happened next' bit
* PICKING WEEBL'S BRAIN - Twenty plus years ago
Jonti Picking launched his 'badger badger
badger' animation in this very newsletter, the
newsletter of record that is b3ta, the only
newsletter that the British Library preserves on
microfiche. He's finally been interviewed about
his Musteloidea replicating cartoon in one of
those new Podcasts things (they're like a radio
that you can listen to on your iPod). He writes,
"I got interviewed by the Sixteenth Minute of
Fame Podcast. It's got a fantastic setup." Next
week we hope he finally tells the world the
truth behind the Cheese Family.
https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/sixteenth-minut...
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Fantasy web projects that *you* could make real
This section is being written whilst sitting in
the passenger seat in a car on a trip to Wales,
so we'll look out the window for inspiration.
* RUDE NUMBER PLATES - an exhaustive data
project that uses code to cycle through every
possible rude number plate in every country
through the years. And allows you to rank them,
but not buy them, coz fuck that, only wankers
buy personalised number plates.
* THERE'S ONLY ONE PUB WITH THIS NAME - just
passed a pub called 'The Little Man' and Googled
it and it's the only pub that exists with this
name. Apparently a corruption of "The Little
John", but yeah, could be a fun drinking /
documenting project for someone, visiting every
pub in the UK with a unique name.
* LOL-LY LORRIES - the national database of
lorries with something vaguely amusing on them
if you squint a bit. Well this newsletter editor
got five seconds of joy from this one at least.
https://bsky.app/profile/robmanuelyeah.bsky.social...
Do consider making something and telling us
about it, we can't promise it'll make you rich,
or solve any existential problem in your soul,
but why are we put on Earth? To make a little
mark on the cave wall to show that we lived,
once.
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; Monkeon for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (diolch - Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
BONUS THANKS TO NEWEST: Niomi Wightman, Matt &
JonC. Super-newest thank to Benjamin Blundell
and Stuart. Super bonus news thanks to Luka
Mikec, Peter Henningsen & Mike Coats. Super
double new thanks to Katie Steckles, Prophyria,
Rob Mahon, Kier Fox-Mayr, Geoff Tidey, Simon
Howard. And new bonus thanks to Tim Chuma, Tom
YeOldeForge, Austin Hofeman & Marcus Penning.
AND new thanks to atomic.
Oh just subscribe, you lovely lovely people.
https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
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: BONUS "YES, THIS IS OUR FAV ONE" FESSHOLE
"Every time I have a cup of tea I leave a tiny
bit at the bottom which goes into the next cup
of tea. In this way I have been drinking an
unbroken line of tea going all the way back to
1997."
