NEWSLETTER: "WHAT'S WHITE AND GOES 'RIBBIT RIBBIT RIBBIT RIBBIT RIBBIT RIBBIT'? A SOUTH-AFRICAN CHAS & DAVE COVERS BAND"
* BOOMER DEATH WATCH - interesting if a bit mean
* BOND CHALLENGE - lovely Photoshop results
* WEIRD FOREHEADS - cropped by the Guardian
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the web by
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | saving 'web shield stamps'
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| & claiming a free URL"
B3ta newsletter e-mail 965 - 18th Oct 2025
Read this issue backwards & summon HTTP Satan:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue965
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making chatting noises at birds
* BOOMER DEATH WATCH - Hot Garbage writes, "I've
made a retro site for remembering all the
Boomers who have left us in the last 30 days."
This is an interesting one as we're not sure
exactly what the tone is, it doesn't feel like a
celebration like Chris Barker's SGT Pepper, more
a thank god they're dead. The official B3ta
position on Boomers is, generational warfare is
fighting the wrong battles, and everyone needs
to chill out.
https://boomerdeathwatch.com/
* WEIRD FOREHEAD CROPS - Dave Bagpuss has
written a bot to post all the times the preview
image on the Guardian is mostly a weirdly
cropped forehead. He writes, "There's a
surprising number of foreheads being posted by
The Guardian, usually at least one a day, but if
there isn't much upper face activity then it
will post one out of the archive. Yes, I looked
through more than 10,000 pictures for this."
https://bsky.app/profile/guardianforeheads.bagpuss...
* JUST TOUCH SOME GRASS, OK? Dave 'Sheep Films'
Packer writes, "I'm rubbish at promoting myself
usually, can I suggest my short film about
touching grass for the newsletter though?" You
certainly can Dave, and thank you for turning up
the latest Fesshole gig and charming the entire
audience that you "like filming the
neighbourhood cats" and that you "don't fuck
them or anything weird."
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/N6lW4BxFEFg
* YOUR ZX MAGAZINE IS HERE AGAIN - Sloanysoft
writes, "We have just finished work on the
latest issue of BreakSpace magazine. It's
magazine dedicated to the ZX Spectrum and
features 58 reviews of brand new games for the
42, 1/2 year old budget computer. It even
includes 2 new BASIC listings for you to type
in. We've even got some reviews from Your
Sinclair legend Phil 'Snouty' South."
https://breakspace.itch.io/breakspace-issue-3
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
You know the score, buy some clothes
It's illegal to walk the streets nude so help is
at hand from Hebtro who'll cover your naked
flesh with the innovation of clothing. All made
in the UK, to the highest standards and
designed to last, so why not treat yourself, or
the men in your life, to some durable threads.
And end that public nudity.
https://hebtro.co/new/
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: FESSHOLE
Your fesses shared with the world
Somehow we've got a combined 1.5 million
followers for this stuff across various social
media accounts, so if your fess is published,
then it's potentially read by the same amount of
people who bought Duran Duran's Notorious LP in
1986. And we didn't even need to feature Nile
Rodgers either. Your favs this week includes:
* DUMP HIM - "My husband of 5 years bought me
£30 Lego for my birthday this year. I wouldn't
mind so much, but he also bought himself £150
Lego the same day. Unfortunately he's not been
able to finish his AT - ST walker as some of the
pieces appear to have mysteriously gone missing.
Shame."
* LIFE HACKS - "I graduated with a 'pass' in
2001. I needed a copy of my degree certificate
so I contacted the university, they'd been
through so many upgrades of their records system
they just asked me what grade I got. Now I'm a
2.1 graduate."
* THE RIGHT THING TO DO - "Booked on a lads
weekend with some work colleagues some years
back, felt pressured to go despite despising
half of them. Three days before going, booked
two nights in a hotel a few miles away & went
'missing' on the first night. Turned back up and
claimed I'd been arrested."
Follow the Facebook version of Fesshole because
we want to have a popular Facebook page, like
it's still 2010 and that was considered a useful
thing back then. Really we should put effort
into TikTok as that's what the youth care about,
but as it's just been bought by the bloke who
owns Oracle it's now even more problematic than
when it was run by the Chinese government. Why
is this stuff so hard? We just want to go back
to Club Penguin.
http://facebook.com/fesshole
We've just done the show in Worthing so thanks
to the people who came to that, we all had a
great time and well done to the winner Eva. For
sale: Liverpool, Leeds and trying out an Anon
Opin show.
https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
The yellow Fesshole book is still 99p on Kindle,
so that's worth a buy, but also of course, buy
the red one, so that you can juggle them really
fast and make a tribute to the lib dems. (THE
ORANGE BOOK, TO SPELL OUT THIS USELESS JOKE)
https://amazon.co.uk/s
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Your pages from ceefax this week
* TRAP MY BALLS AND MAKE THEM EXPLODE - If you
like Qix and MS Paint, then this is the game for
you. Trap the bouncing heads in as few lines as
possible. B3tans should remember the
3-pubes-per-ball rule when attempting to trap
them inside a magenta bollock.
https://deepanwadhwa.github.io/freeze_trap/
* PUMPKIN CLOCK - A spooky timepiece for
Halloween. You can see proof that it's real via
YouTube if you dig around , though the fact that
it's been online since 2013 means that you don't
have to worry about anything worse than
Photoshop CS6 being involved, anyway.
https://www.halloweenclock.com
* AI SLOP IS DESTROYING THE INTERNET - Popular
YouTube explainer channel Kurzgesagt takes on AI
slop and comes to a depressing conclusion, but
we're certainly not regretting instituting a "no
AI" rule in our image challenges a few years
back. This stuff is without merit.
https://b3ta.com/links/Ronseal:32
* CASABLANCA 12" REMIX - This extended cut of
the music scene is funny, a work of editing art,
and by the hand of the legendary Jeremy Limb,
who this editor once randomly met in a pub and
he seemed nice. So on that recommendation alone,
you should click.
https://b3ta.com/links/Casablanca_extended_cut
* AIRFIX TWINS ON A PEDAL STEEL - Avril 14 has
slowly creeped up to being one of the most
popular Aphex Twin tunes as it has the
melancholia you associate with 1980s children's
sci-fi, and this version of it alone make us
want to reboot a fourth season of Chocky where
aliens telepathically transport kids into a
dimension where Volvo cars can talk.
https://b3ta.com/links/Avril_14_on_a_pedal_steel
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Ruin A Bond Poster
Here's the best images from last week:
* 'NINJ' makes a genuinely great suggestion for
the new Bond, given Amazon will probably
greenlight anything: Aardman Bond, hell yes.
https://b3ta.com/board/11422013
* 'YA WHAT' makes us think we'd pay good money
to see Brian Butterfield Bond. C'mon Peter
Serafinowicz, give the public what they want.
https://b3ta.com/board/11421916
* 'RAZZLE' suggests there's no time to die
https://b3ta.com/board/11421935
* See all the other images from the 'Ruin A Bond
Poster' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/ruinabondposter/popular
>> This week: More Educational Posters for
Hospitals <<
The Ginger Führer reminds us "we once did a
great challenge fucking with health posters
you'd see in hospitals etc, given that was 15
years ago, maybe there's some new posters to
fuck with". Let's find out.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/moreeducationalpostersfo...
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
The vaguely follow ups bit of bits that don't
fit
* B3TAN TELLS A STORY ABOUT HIS NIPPLES -
Shazzoir writes, "I did a dumb thing at work
that wasted a ton of IT resourcing, probably
made IT very cross at me, but which worked out
okay in the end. It's also kind of topical with
November coming up."
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:kmeze22tgxnj22amb...
* MATT ROUND'S CRISP SANDWICH EVENT RUMBLES ON -
Matt tells us that the pub 'The Shirker's Rest'
is "celebrating CSD again" and he "was going to
promote their crisp/drink pairing event but it's
sold out!" Still, you can go down there on the
day, you'll just not be allowed upstairs for the
secret taster menu.
https://bsky.app/profile/theshirkersrest.bsky.soci...
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: WHAT'S HAPPENING NEXT
Previews of stuff coming up
Figured we'd ask a few b3tans what they're
planning next, in our job of hyping up exciting
new things that you haven't seen yet.
* WHAT'S NEXT FOR MONKEON? "I'm slowly making an
adverts 'game' and amused myself by loading it
with a disproportionate amount of Amstrad
adverts. The em@iler one amused for being so
Brexity. Ahead of his time, Sir Lord Alan."
* WHAT'S NEXT FOR MATT ROUND? - Matt is
producing a type-in magazine and tells us "hmm
magazine project doesn"t have a page or launch
date yet." You see, we are the hype men,
delivering the hype, are you hyped dear reader?
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some ideas to kick you off
* RABBIT, THE CHAS AND DAVE PODCAST - each week
a guest brings in their favourite Chas & Dave
song and 'rabbits' about how, actually, Chas &
Dave are equals to the Kinks, Squeeze, Madness
and Ian Dury. Because they fucking are. Love
them.
* FOOTBALL, THE TEXT ADVENTURE - make a game
that simulates being not a football fan, and
getting trapped in a football conversation, can
you fake through multiple choice, just enough
knowledge, not to look like a twat?
* TABS VS SPACES - settle this important debate
once for all by making a video game where
cigarettes war with various types of absence.
Yes this is a filler sentence where we just
started typing and wondered where it would end
up.
Submit to the form. SUBMIT TO THE FORM.
https://b3ta.com/mailus
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; Monkeon for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (Incessant Talking - Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
BONUS THANKS TO NEWEST: Niomi Wightman, Matt &
JonC. Super-newest thank to Benjamin Blundell
and Stuart. Super bonus news thanks to Luka
Mikec, Peter Henningsen & Mike Coats. Super
double new thanks to Katie Steckles, Prophyria,
Rob Mahon, Kier Fox-Mayr, Geoff Tidey, Simon
Howard. And new bonus thanks to Tim Chuma, Tom
YeOldeForge, Austin Hofeman & Marcus Penning.
AND new thanks to atomic.
Oh just subscribe, you lovely lovely people.
https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
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: BONUS "BEIGE FOOD" FESSHOLE
"I realised I've been going to Greggs too
regularly when I got invited to the leaving do
for one of the workers."
